The Dawn.

6. Talks of Terror

Preeta

~ Sab Kuch Keh Kar Hi
Sab Ko Batana Zaroori Hai Kya ~

Preparing food was my only time pass here, and that's what I'm doing right now. I missed my work alot, talking to people, knowing their pain, and helping them heal, I loved doing that, it was my passion, one of my greatest possession too. And I miss doing it each day. My cabin, my patients, and my colleague.

He kept giving a daily report of our clinic to me. I'm happy and grateful that he's there. He keep sending me files to go through too, even tho he's good at his work himself. Well, not to complain I enjoy it too. That's the only time I get to do something I really want to.

Yoga, walks and netflix do keep me engaged and helps me pass my time but that's not what I really want. But for all what I want, I wanted Karan first. I needed him like a moth needed flame.

In the last three months, after the incident he was lost. He was lost somewhere and I couldn't find him. Pressing him, or confronting him wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to give him his space and time. He needed it, deserved it.

How much ever I missed my husband, my Karan, I didn't want to be selfish. So I went on keeping it all aside and living the moment.

But after yesterday I couldn't hold it back. The urge to have him back, him fully back was intense. A glimpse of the old, child by heart, innocent and fun loving, easy going Karan, I fell in love with; broke all the facade I kept on my emotions. All the control I had for the last few months flew in air just by seeing him laugh so carefree like he always did.

It hurt me seeing him tear apart infront of my eyes, but I couldn't help. Because for a moment I was in shock myself of the happening and I regret it, I really do. I wish I was able to confront him sooner but everything had it's time.

When it came to Karan, he was easy going with words. He was open like book mostly all the time we had conversations in the past. That was one thing I liked about him as a patient. Even if he was closed up and stubborn in the first, ones he got the comfort, he moulded into me easily. He opened up about the darkest and deepest things even when I was just a doctor. That was a mirror for me. How pure and soft he was inside even when he showed a brooding and grumpy face outside.

Falling in love with him was a gradual process if not other way. Because, when he recognised my pain I felt home. It made me feel that not everyone is thinking about themselves. There are some people who comes in your life not for themselves but for you too. That was Karan for me.

And now I wanted to be that for him. Just as once I was. I wasn't a matter ever in our one year relationship. It surely wouldn't be too. Just that there was barrier that we put up for no reason and that was communication.

Karan thinks I don't know about the trauma he's suffering. But I know, I have seen him Cresent-fallen, tensed, sleepless with dark circles and in total emotional mess.

He thought I was asleep but I never was. I always felt the way his breath ragged and at times tears prickled my skin and I had to hold my breath and emotions, had to break my heart, just so he could breath freely.

Now, I want to put an end to it. I don't want to see him the same way anymore. I want the old Karan back. The one who's mine, the one who is always a tease a child yet so mature and careless. I want him back, and now I would go to any ends of hell to bring him back.

🧡

It didn't take much time to receive a call right after I texted my husband, reminding him about the medicine he had to bring. Which he initially forgot last day.