Beth was not in the mood for this conversation, but Vivianne repeated her question again, "Why do you want to change rooms? Beth, please talk to me!". The Englishwoman saw the sadness and disappointment in her eyes and heard the pleading in her voice - but she just couldn't get a word out and didn't know what to answer either. The truth would probably complicate everything between them and Beth certainly didn't want that.
Telling Vivianne about having a crush on her and how it hurt her to hear her flirt with other women? Telling her about realizing that she didn't stand a chance with her when she seemed to be into women like Lisa or Alessia? Telling her about how hard she tried to block out her crush in order to not jeopardize their friendship? Just the idea of telling her all those things and putting her cards face up on the table scared her a lot. And instead of confronting these feelings, she sought her distraction then in alcohol at the bar and could no longer control herself anymore.
In fact, Leah stayed with Beth the night after the reunion meeting and brought her a coffee and breakfast in bed the next morning. The captain was sensitive enough to feel that there was more to Beth's drinking at the bar and that there was a deeper reason for it. After the supposedly leisurely start to the day, Leah nevertheless began a conversation about Vivianne, whom she pinpointed as the reason for Beth's behavior. Ultimately, it seemed best to both of them if Beth would first try to avoid Vivianne for a while. There was nothing she could do about the fact that the Dutchwoman was attracted to Alessia, and besides, Beth didn't want to endanger their friendship either by pursuing her crush and probably also getting turned down.
But Beth was now confronted with the result of this plan of avoidance. She averted her eyes from Vivianne, as she could only painfully bear the sight of her. The usually calm Dutchwoman looked hurt and there seemed to be tears in her eyes. That was the last thing Beth wanted to bring out in her, those beautiful blue eyes should be shining - and preferably she wanted to be the reason for it!
"I can't talk about it right now. I'm sorry," Beth whispered into the silence of the room. It seemed to take minutes for Vivianne to process that statement. "Why not? Did I do something wrong?" she asked. She didn't sound angry at all, rather exasperated. Beth swallowed the lump in her throat and added, "I need time, but I'll get back to you when the time comes.". Vivianne nodded, turned and left the room again without a word. Her shoulders sagged and down hung her head as well.
An hour later, the players were on the training field. Vivianne and Beth didn't even look at each other. Neither in the dressing room, nor during the first warm-up exercises. Beth knew how much she had hurt Vivianne, but she couldn't help it. How could she comfort Vivianne when she herself was very sad? And that also because of the Dutchwoman? "Okay, guys," Jonas called out, "we're going to start today with a casual 11-on-11 practice game - no hard fouls, no risky moves - we as a coaching team just want to know where we currently stand performance-wise."
And how could it be otherwise? One team had Vivianne and Beth in the line-up as a forward duo. Heck, hopefully no one noticed that between the two of them, they were anything but a dream duo at the moment. That these concerns were absolutely unnecessary, however, was already apparent after the kick-off of the training game. Vivianne passed to Beth, who in turn got past Lia Wälti at full speed and dribbled towards the defense. She then put the ball back to the outside where Vivianne had been running and got the ball played back into her path in a double pass. While on her way to the middle, she also moved past Leah and played the ball to Vivianne on the penalty spot. She shot hard and the ball went into the upper right corner past Manuela Zinsberger.
"Wow, what a great combination!" shouted Lotte to them. The other players also came over to congratulate them on this beautiful goal. "Well done, you two!" shouted Jonas from the sidelines to them as well "You are just a super attacking duo that will strike fear into the entire league!" Beth was happy to hear this much praise, it felt good. Of course, she had also played a great European Championship, but it was nice to see that it was all working out for the Arsenal Ladies as well. She was almost more delighted, though, when Vivianne crossed the way back to the kick-off spot and gave her a thumbs-up with a little smile - that was better than any goal! Of course, she couldn't expect the Dutchwoman not to be mad at her after the conversation in their room, Beth could understand that and wasn't mad at her for behaving like that. However, at least on the field they had kept their connection!
That this was true was shown a few more times during the training game. Vivianne, who returned the favor to Beth with a fantastic assist for a goal. Beth, who anticipated a great running path of Vivianne and passed the ball exactly into the gap between the central defenders Leah and Lotte. Vivianne, who ran all the way back into her own half of the field to recover the ball after Beth lost it. It just went very well and the two showed each other the thumbs-up even more often with a little grin on their faces - no more and no less, but Beth had the feeling that it was getting close to a little reconciliation after all.
After practice, the players went to shower in the dressing room. Vivianne had another talk with the team's physiotherapist, so Beth was already out of the shower and on her way to dinner when the Dutchwoman came into the dressing room. After dinner, the women took it easy and met in the hotel's recreation area. Here there were a few table tennis tables, a pool table, several dart boards and a Playstation. But the highlight was definitely the movie room, where there was a projector and a big screen on which the women could watch series and movies. Since Beth wanted to have a bit of peace and quiet, she decided to watch a movie with the others. This way, she could perhaps hide away in one of the last rows and pursue her thoughts. Her thoughts, which mainly revolved around how she wanted to deal with the room situation with Vivianne. Obviously, her plan was to stay out of Vivianne's way, but as much as the other woman was hurt by this behavior, she wasn't sure she could or wanted to carry it out any further.
So shortly after the rest of her teammates picked a movie, Beth sat down in the back row of the movie room. She wasn't sure if the others even noticed her because they were so engrossed in their discussion about the best Disney movie ever. Beth didn't mind though, she didn't feel like talking anyway - and as the first scenes of "Notting Hill" flickered across the screen, she too began to relax.
When the movie was half over, Beth suddenly heard the squeak of the door behind her and light briefly fell into the otherwise darkened room. She wondered who else would be joining them after half the movies as over and was a little startled when someone unexpectedly sat down next to her. Vivianne said nothing, but turned her head to the screen and sank a little more comfortably into her chair. Nevertheless, Beth could sense that the Dutchwoman was noticeably tense. But so was Beth herself since she didn't know what Vivianne wanted from her? She had expected that they would simply stay out of each other's way - if necessary for the rest of the training camp.
After a few minutes of staring tensely at the screen, but not really noticing anything about the movie, Beth noticed a soft touch on her hand. Beth had put her hand on the back of the chair and when she looked there now, she saw what she had already sensed. Vivianne had laid her hand gently on Beth's. The Englishwoman felt the warmth emanating from the other woman's hand and also didn't help but notice that Viviannes hand felt a little sweaty - but her touch was also incredibly gentle and Beth had to pull herself together so that her own hand didn't start to tremble with excitement. She didn't know whether Vivianne noticed the effect her touch was having on her, but the Dutchwoman simply left her hand there for the time being. For Beth, the world slowed down a bit during those minutes, and she didn't dare turn to Vivianne for fear that she might ruin the moment - and she didn't want to. She wanted the moment to last forever and tried to notice everything in particular, every single finger that was on hers and the definitely audible breathing of Vivianne.
"I wanted to apologize to you, Beth," Vivianne whispered softly, her gaze now turned to Beth. "I've known you for so many years now, but we've only been this close for a few weeks. I don't know you like that yet, to be honest. But I wish I could soon, because you are important to me and I want to get to know you more. Of course, that would be easier for me if you would talk to me when something is bothering you - and I have a stupid feeling that I have something to do with that. But I understand and accept that you need time and space to maybe think some things through for yourself at the moment. If you need a room alone or just a room without me, then you should change rooms with Leah. I don't want to argue with you, I want this friendship to work."
It took all of Beth's concentration for her to pay attention to the words coming out of Vivianne's mouth instead of focusing on her desire for Viviannes hand to remain where it currently is for hours to come. "Thank you, I also want to apologize. For not being able to manage to talk to you - but I'll manage in near future," she whispered back after some silence. She stil kept looking at the screen for fear of ruining the moment - but when she noticed that Vivianne was now relaxingly sinking back into her chair without making an effort to take her hand away, Beth's heart leapt in joy.
YOU ARE READING
United in Break-Up
FanfictionAfter both Vivianne Miedema and Beth Mead have gone through tough break-ups with their partners, the two suddenly find themselves in similar living situations. What happens when they try to help each other cope with their situations and there are un...