poetry I write while mentally ill in college

longing

It isn't that I'm horny
I don't want to fuck
I don't even want to masturbate
I just want to be in love
Want to feel love
Want to be touched

Why isn't there a word for romantically horny?
I want romance.
I want to fall for you
I want to admire your beauty
I want to live the cheesey moment
When you say the view is beautiful
And I agree
But I can't turn my eyes away from you
To see what you see

I wish I saw what you see
In him.
He doesn't like you back,
And my heart aches for you
But a tiny part of me is glad
It's fucking selfish.
I don't know that I could watch you
In love
With someone other than me.
I don't know that I could listen to you
Gush about him,
If he actually touched you
The way I want to.
If he kissed you
The way I've been dreaming.

And my heart aches for you
Because I know how much it hurts
To fall for someone
Who isn't in to you.
In a way, we are feeling
The same pain.
That doesn't make me feel any better.
I feel like shit.
I'm sorry that you probably do too.