Gamefield

Chapter 19

I couldn't sleep well. All I thought about was Vicky. I wished she would be here with me not with Elliott. I sighed deeply with frustration and looked at my cellphone. Still no answer from her and also it's half past four. There is a breakfast time in Britain.

I gave up my sleep and decided to finish rest of my last assigment. I was glad I didn't drink much yesterday because now my mind was surprisingly vigilant. I turned back to my study position and dived into texts and documents in front of me. I worked focused for a long time and light from my table lamp disappeared in real sun shine soon. My roommates stayed somewhere obviously. They don't spend much time here what means more privacy for me.

I kept on till my empty stomach started to protest. I saved all my theses and closed laptop. Done. After quick breakfast or better call it brunch because it's almost twelwe I took nap on the sofa. I fell asleep hardly and my dreams were wild and vivid.
Chime woke me up abruptly. It took me some time until I found out where the chime came from and it suddenly stopped. Then another ring announcing text message was sent. I grabbed my cellphone still little desoriented. It's from Bailey.

I'm sorry for my behaviour yesterday. Are you mad at me?

It's okay. Mad? No.

I looked at my screen confused.

You were drunk Bailey. Forget it.

Bailey: Okay. Thank you. I thought you are because you left without goodbye and didn't respond to my messages.

I checked our previous conversation but see nothing.

Me: Sorry. I got no messages from you.

Bailey: Soo. Misunderstanding.

Then she add.

Alex, u ok? I'm little worried about you.

I'm not sure yet. That was all I texted and then I wanted to finish this conversation.

Bailey: Can I help you somehow?

Me: I don't think so.

Bailey: If you need me, just text.

Me: Thank you.

It woke me up completely and my mind drove me crazy again. My thoughts turned in quick circles about Vicky and Elliott. Why didn't she tell me? She's surely with him now. It's not my business. I had many feelings. Jealousy, acceptance, anger, frustration, anxiety and love.

The head line is misunderstanding. Because Vicky's signals I catched were different. I knew I have to stop this kind of thinking right now until it's too late.

Then I felt it. It IS too late. I lost control. My breath was uneven and I felt how anxiety inside me arised. My head gave it up and I felt panic attack in my whole body again. First after long break I had until now. All I could do is wait. I wished someone was here with me. Anyone. I can call my brother and he will be with me online but my previous experience confirmed it's not enough.

Can you come please?

Bailey: I'm on my way.

Bailey knew everything about my panic attacks. She helped me get over some of them. I suffered many of them last year and during the summer but it stopped when I started thinking the way my psychoterapist recommended. I knew Vicky was helpful, because she made me feel this way and it was really easy with her around. Now I don't know what happened she's gone of my life and my anxiety is back. I just waited in the corner of the sofa and waited. I needed someone to help me in this situation. To get me through it. My will is not with me anymore.

It was long after I texted Bailey but I presumed it's just my feeling. Bailey finally knocked and I didn't have enough strength to open. She waited and then came in. Fortunatelly the door wasn't locked because when I came I thought maybe the roommates will come. They used to forget their keys.

That had to look weird. Me on the sofa folded into a ball. She immediately understood what's going on and came to me carefully. I could see the worry in her eyes. She sat next to me and grabbed me safely.

„It's okay. It will pass again. We can get over together." She held me tight. „I'll stay with you." Her calm and peaceful voice worked for me great. I felt how anxiety was dropping down and catched my breath again. It passed. I felt tears in my eyes.

Bailey helped me to change possition. She put my legs on pillow and supported my head with other one. As a result I had my legs over the level of my body what prevented me from another unpleasant consequences. I was grateful that Bailey came and cares about me but I wished Vicky was here with me. I stayed like that for half an hour with Bailey sitting close to me.

„Alex?" She suddenly asked in low voice.

„Yeah?"

„What happened?"

„I don't know," I admitted truthfully.

„It just... I thought you were better," Bailey stated.

„I was." I confirmed and thought about it more. „Maybe I underestimated my mind," I whispered.

„I'm glad you texted me," Bailey said.

„Me too. Thank you for coming."

„Anytime."

I smiled at her and held her hand. She slowly took my hand to her mouth and kissed it softly.

„You know how I feel about you," Bailey said.

I nodded sadly. „And you know about my feelings."

She sighed. „I do."

„Bailey?"

„Yeah?"

„Can you stay with me? I don't want to be alone."

„Of course."

Then we watched movie. Bailey hugged me and I fell asleep again.

---

I woke up next to Bailey. She looked so innocent and I didn't want to wake her up. I made soft movement but she was awake immediately.

„Good morning," I whispered in hope she will continue with sleeping.

„Good morning," Bailey answered and looked at her watch. „How are you?"

„Actually fine. Thank you for everything you did for me," I appreciated.

„You are welcome." She leaned over me and gave me kiss on forehead. „I have to go. Will you be okay?" She worried about me.

„I think so."

„Text me, if you need me, okay?"

„Okay."

As she left I stayed alone with myself. My mind revealed me next mystery covered deeply under the surface. Vicky is with his boyfriend now and I had to admit, it hurts profusely. Now I knew  I'm desparately in love with Vicky and I can do nothing about it.