the lake | komahina

13

a few weeks later

the days went by so quickly i barely even noticed how long it had been since nagito had... "fallen asleep". twenty three days.

twenty three days ago before 10:00 am komaeda looked at me with his tired eyes and said he was fine. twenty three days ago he lied to me.

now, twenty three days later, he was still in a coma. chiaki and i hadn't been anywhere together for a while. she knew why. i was miserable.

nagito was there for me so often. he was my first friend at group therapy, one of the only people i hung out with at school and outside of school.

he was the one whose house i was welcomed into when my own home wasn't a good place to live in.

he was the person who took me to all those great places. the lake, the art museum, and helped with my anxiety so often. he made sure i wasn't lonely.

honestly, i didn't see the point of living if nagito wasn't by my side. the one person who made my life worth living was barely here anymore.

who would care if i died?

i contemplated that question my whole life, but it had occurred in my brain even more recently. who would cry if i dropped dead?

nagito. chiaki. my mother would, simply because she wouldn't have anyone left. she'd be fully alone.

nagito would die soon. my mother was a fucking asshole about it but she was suddenly right. in his condition it would happen in the near future.

i'd tried to block it out of my mind for so long but it was too clear for me to anymore.

i sighed and got out of bed for the first time in what felt like centuries and went to the florist shop to pick nagito up some flowers.

i'd gotten the boy yellow flowers before, symbolising happiness. this time i'd get white. what did white roses symbolise?

walking into the hospital, i headed to the same room as usual. 'hi, nagito.' i greeted the boy. i always silently wished he'd say something or pretended he would.

pathetic, i know. but it was all that could be done. i just wanted to hear his voice again.

i took the yellow flowers out of the vase on the table and replaced them with the white roses, placing a singular rose on his chest.

i held one too. 'matching flowers.' i tried to joke, imagining what his laugh sounded like. it only made me more upset.

i broke down in tears for probably the tenth time this week. he wouldn't like to see you cry. i always said to myself, but that only evoked more tears.

'nagito,' i said his name, 'what do you think is the best reason to die?' in my head he didn't respond, the same as in real life. 'i think..' i held the rose's stem tighter.

'the best reason to die is for someone else.'

'it's romantic and sweet. and what's a good place to die for that person?' i asked, looking out the window of the building and admiring the scenery.

'maybe somewhere where.. an important event happened between both of you. a place that you can cherish forever.'

'komaeda, i don't think i have much to live for anymore.' i said truthfully, holding his cold hand. 'you're here, but not one hundred percent.'

'you helped me a lot and.. i never formally thanked you, but better late than never, huh?' i continued, 'thank you. really.'

'you helped me think life had a purpose. you helped me realise that there was more to life than coming home and feeling like a.. a mistake.'

'my mother doesn't truly love me. she just hurts me over and over again and makes excuses once i leave or snap. it's so tiring.'

'getting ridiculed by someone for their own wrongdoings—you helped me realise that none of it was really my fault.'

'that it was normal to feel anxious about things, and that i wasn't a freak for it.' i finished thanking the boy below me.

'but, nagito...' in my mind he tilted his head, questioning what i'd say next. 'if i don't have you in my life.. the only person who makes it worth living....'

i paused, sighing, 'then why should i continue to live?'

'i don't want to still be here when you're not. i don't want to suffer. i want to be there with you, no matter where we are.'

i shook my head, putting something on the table. a small, framed painting. it was impression, sunrise, the one we'd seen at the art museum.

'"a place that you can cherish forever..."' i muttered my own words from before to myself whilst looking at the painting.

a single tear fell down my face as i said my final goodbye to nagito. 'i love you.. i'll see you there someday.' i smiled before kissing his forehead and leaving with the rose.

a/n:
what is he doing? 😱