Keeping Us Together (Izzal)

Daddy

TW: Rape

You raped, I feel dirty
It hurt, as a child
Tied down, that's a good boy
And fuck, you're own child.
I scream, no one hears me.
It hurt, I'm not a liar
My God, saw you watching
Mommy, why
Korn -Daddy

Though his conversation with Slash was an important and meaningful one, Duff knew he had to speak with Izzy if he wanted this thing to work out. Slash missing Axl wasn't enough for Duff, because it wasn't Slash thar had ruined the band and broke down the relationships. It was Izzy and Axl who had done that, Axl wasn't innocent. But Duff knew there was something under the surface that he didn't know about and he was willing to find out.

The cold November morning reminded Duff so much of Axl and the words that he and Slash has sung together, their meaning and what is going own down deep in Axl's heart, soul, and mind.

Duff found the cheap apartment where Izzy was staying and knocked on the door, stuffing his hands in his pockets waiting for Izzy to open the door. When he did so, he looked at Duff as if he were an alien, how weird he was standing at his doorstep. "I need to talk to you about something," Duff said. "I know it's gonna be about Axl, Slash says you went to go see him," Izzy said. "I did, but this isn't all about Axl it's about you as well. Can I come in it's cold out here," Duff said.

Izzy opened the door allowing Duff in, the taller boy was surprised that Izzy had agreed so shamelessly to allow Duff in to talk about Axl. That gave Duff some hope, he figured Izzy was wondering about his childhood friend.

They sat on Izzy's couch and the boy handed him some beer, but he didn't feel like drinking for once in his life. He just felt like it was such a useless thing to do in a time like this. "So what did you want to talk about?" Izzy asked, not even asking about Axl and if he was okay. "Axl's life before LA, what was it like?" Duff asked playing with the tab on the beer can still not opening it. "Not my shit to spill," Izzy replied leaning back on the couch bringing a lit cig up to his lips. "I want to know, Axl isn't doing to well," Duff said only half lying. For the most part Axl seemed to be doing better.

They called last night after Duff had spoken to Slash. The calk was formal, and they talked about what they had been up to. Both leaving out a lot. Then they shared goodbyes and friendly I Love You's and they hung up.

"And what will knowing about his past do?" Izzy asked acting dumb. "I don't know, maybe figure out the root to his problems and help him that way," Duff said. "Why are you doing this? Why can't you leave anything alone, if I were you I'd leave him alone," Izzy said. "No, I'm the only one he has left. Slash and Steve don't talk to him, and I know you don't either. He needs.someone there for him. If not he'll surely give up," Duff said. "He gave up a long time ago!" Izzy said. "And you're just okay with that," Duff asked shocked. "No," Izzy said. "It hurt so much watching him slowly give up. I'm an asshole, I know, because I didnt want to help him. I knew it was going to be difficult and hard to help him." "So you just didn't?" Duff asked. "Yeah, when he was a kid he was raped. Badly. Brutally. His stepdad would take him to the laundry room and brutally rape him, Axl would scream bloody murder. I know because I lived right next to him. I heard all of his screaming cries and all of pleads for Stephan to stop. He'd tell Stephan that it hurt and he wanted him to stop. Stephan would always say he liked it when it hurt. Stephan would leave him in there, lock him in there, he'd lick him up and rape him later. I remember one time after he did that, he left, and I walked into the house to help Axl. He was lying on the ground bruised, his thighs and everywhere around were bleeding. He was still crying when I helped him up. I tried to give him a warm bath but it hurt him even more and he screamed and begged me to get him out. So I settled for a cold one. He seemed to enjoy that a lot. But it was so hard watching him give up the first time, I couldn't stand not knowing if tomorrow would come for him, so when he gave up this time. So did I," Izzy said tears rolling down his face at the horror filled memories. "I'm sorry, Iz," Duff said bringing his now sobbing friend into his arms. "I didn't mean to be an asshole to him, I hate what he has to go through, I can't stand it. And I can't stand being with him. I hate him. I hate everything about him. I hate his stupid smile, his stupid eyes, God those lips, and his soft face. I love him. I love everything about him to. I love his smile, I love his eyes, I love his lips, I love his face, I love his feisty attitude and his anger issues, and everything  good about him, because that's what him, him, and I love him!" Izzy sobbed.

Duff felt so bad for Izzy at this moment. He didn't want those bad memories to come back, that's why he's distancing himself from Axl. But in the end all he wants is his Axl home and safe in his arms.

Duff felt bad for Axl too, everything that he had to go through. He couldn't wait until the next call Axl sent in, they could talk more about what's been happening.