Across the Net

Sofia?

The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed. -Richard Brinsley Sheridan

~~~~

I made my way home right after the movie, deciding to skip dinner. I didn't have an appetite after all. Staring at my vans as they made their mark on the muddy ground, footprint after footprint, I decided to go by shortcut as main roads were noisy and I couldn't think straight.

I pulled a hair tie from my bag and braided my hair into its usual plait and continued on my way.

Today, I had allowed myself to relive the Memory. And I had to shut it out. It was just dangerous and stupid.

Mentally slapping myself and pulling at the strap of my bag hard, so hard that my shoulder gave a painful twang, I walked down the deserted paths, quietly contemplating.

"Alex."

I turned, heart racing. It was dark and I had turned into an alley. A figure, outlined by the walled darkness, was coming straight towards me. I wanted to run, but my feet were stuck straight to the ground as if some gardener had decided to plant Alexs into cement. The person shifted into view as a gloomy light cast its shade across her face.

"Sofia...?" I asked uncertainly.

"Me," said Sofia, calmly looking up into my face.

"What do you want?" my voice sounded weaker than I wanted it to be.

"Why were you at my boyfriend's house?" she asked, almost angrily. I was more than aware of the small cutter clicking away in her hand.

"I..." my legs finally decided to stumble back a step. "We were just hanging out..."

"You want to steal my guy, don't you?" she said, still advancing, the blade catching under the light.

I bumped into a trashcan. It wobbled precariously and I put both hands behind me to steady it.

"We're just friends," I said quickly, this time dodging the can and backing off a pace quicker than before.

"Friends," she hissed, her eyes flashing dangerously. The cutter clicked faster and my heart did the same.

"You're... you're mad," I said shakily.

"Me? Mad?" she asked, laughing.

I didn't let her explain any further. Finally picking up my feet, I turned and ran, flat out toward the other end of the alley. Sofia didn't follow.

I stumbled back out into the open, panting as if my life depended on it. The streetlamps blinked their greeting as I leaned on one of them, clutching at a stitch on my chest.

"Hey Alex, what are you doing here?"

Meghan. Finally. A nice, solid person.

"I..." I wondered if I should tell her about my encounter with Sofia. But it was stupid, come to think about it. Sofia didn't even move a finger. I was the one running out of the alley like my ass was on fire.

"Breathing... fresh... air... I guess," I wheezed, finally deciding on the answer.

"And your definition of breathing fresh air is to whiz around like a balloon," she said, raising an eyebrow,

"Balloons... don't whiz," I panted.

"They do, if you release the knot," Meghan opened her mouth to launch into a galaxy of explanation.

I held up a hand.

"You... you dun need to explain," I said, still breathing hard. "Why are you out here anyways?"

"Same reason as you," Meghan smiled, somewhat sadly. "I needed fresh air."

I left a pause for her to continue, but she was reluctant to say more, so the topic had to be thrown away.

"How's..." I racked my brains for the name of the friend she kept hanging out with at school, but it decided to stubbornly stick to the back of my head. "Your friend...? Is her name Maddie... or something?

"Sadie?" she supplied helpfully. "Oh she's..."

Then tears started welling up in her eyes.

"S-sorry!" I said, panicked. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No," she said, wiping the back of her hand across her eye, trailing pale eyeshadow across her cheek. "It's just... it's just, she changed schools and was hit by a car... hit when she was on her way to Florida."

Crap. I had said the wrong thing hadn't I. First Sofia and now this?

"I'm sorry," I said, angry with myself. "I shouldn'tve..."

"It's okay," she said, leaning against the pole just as I had done. "I... I missed her funeral because... because..." She left it at that.

I closed my eyes for a moment. I was so foolish. So insensitive. So... popular. Too popular, in fact, to notice these things.

"So how did it go with William?" she asked, smiling slightly through her drying tears.

"How did you know I went..." I trailed off. "Oh you two are friends right?"

This, yet again, proves how insensitive I was. William and Meghan were friends at school. It just came to me.

"Yeah," she said, her face illuminated under the yellow street lamp. "We are. But not for long. I only met him last summer- Okay. Back to you. How'd it go?"

"Ah," I shook my head, smiling a little sadly. "It went okay."

"Spill," laughed Meghan, the stained corners of her eyes going up with her mouth.

I shook my head. The Memory was threatening to pour itself into my brain. I had to stop talking before...

"I... I can't," I said. And, holding my head in one hand, I sprinted off, leaving a bewildered Meghan staring after me.

~*~

I unlocked the door with a sickening click and a bang, and stumbled in, as if hungover. My head was throbbing with tension and I had to let it out. Running into my room, I pushed open the door and grabbed my pillow. A piece of string hung across the room waited patiently as I latched the top of the pillowcase onto it and smashed my hand through it, letting the first volley of feathers spill onto the ground. I punched again, letting out a ghost of a scream. Feathers fell again, like snowflakes, twisting and twirling as they fell. Memories threatened to overpower me again, but I bit my lip and punched once again, wiping my mind blank. The pillow flopped helplessly against the impact. Helpless. Like me. I yelled and thrust out with all my might, and the pillow fell onto the ground, unable to take it anymore.

I fell onto the pillow, my back taking the full force of the ground, but I did't care. Closing my eyes, I suddenly hoped that I could just escape from those memories and fly into the land of stories.

Fumbling madly, I took hold of a book on my desk and flung it open in front of my eyes. Fiction. You won't ever know how direly I needed you right now.

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Hey lovely dudes and dudettes,

here ya go, another chap. I know I'm being naughty. I need to study, but I just wanted to write that writer's block away. It's bothering me a lot lately:(