𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄

02 ♰ august

I haven't disobeyed Mom in my seventeen years of existence. I haven't tried sneaking out in the middle of the night to drink beer or eat balot at the plaza. While she's out doing what-God-knows-what, all I do is to stay inside the house, bore myself to death and sleep. I always wonder how she escape the house without Mom knowing.

And as for me, I'm pretty stupid while sneaking around.

I'm still doubting the offer that Ate Claire said to me yesterday. Ang sabi niya ay kapag pumayag ako ay hahanap siya ng tamang tyempo. Pero hindi ko alam kung kailan ba ang tamang tyempo dahil parating nasa-bahay si Mama.

Pero magkikita lang talaga kaming tatlo sa hapunan. Mom always locks herself in her room playing her favorite violin. Lumaki siyang may hilig sa musika. Mom has her own concerts when she was in my age, playing her violin and piano around the world. She was always in the front page, billboards and news.

That gave her the thought of—if I can do it, then my daughter/s too. Unfortunately, hindi iyon nagustuhan ni Ate Claire. Unfortunately, when I was five, I was intrigue at the instruments my mom playing in front of me. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I'm in this position today.

"Focus." I murmured to myself while slumping in front of the piano. My hands are still in bandage but I can still play the piano, hell, even the violin last night. Nasanay na kasi ako na ganito ang maaabutan araw-araw. "I am playing the right keys and right tune, bakit sasabihin niya na wala ako sa focus?" Tanong ko sa sarili.

Despite of the questions that I can't answer in different ways, I bring myself to practice the piece that my mom wants to play at my Abuelo's birthday. Mom said that this is her first piece to play in front of every one when she was thirteen. So, this piece should be perfect no matter what. Even though I practice this in perfect note, she's still not satisfied.

"It's perfect..." A voice stops me from pressing the other keys. "Hindi ko alam bakit sinasabi niyang hindi perfect 'yang ginagawa mo."

I met Ate Claire's gaze as she moves in front of me. Sumandig siya sa piano at tiningnan lang ako. "What?" I ask, awkward atmosphere settles between us.

"Wala naman." She just shrugs, hazel eyes moving between me and the piano keys.

Hindi kami gaano ka close ni Ate Claire, kaya kapag kaming dalawa lang ay parang gusto kong magpalamon sa lupa. Minsan ko lang makita si Ate sa bahay dahil parati siyang umaalis sa umaga para sa practice niya.

"So..."

I started to sweat for no reason.

"Papayag ka ba?" Tanong niya.

I didn't say yes or no. Sneaking out is a risk, lalo na't magiging pabigat lang ako sa kaniya. "Nakalimutan ko bang sabihin sa 'yo na chine-check ako ni mom ng 10:00?"

"Twelve naman ang start ng banda kaya okay lang," she said as if she doesn't care to this world. "Thirty minutes ang byahe mula dito papuntang LIPSTICK."

According to Ate Claire, LIPSTICK is a famous club around the New Atlas. What an odd name for a club. That is where famous bands, rock stars and singers perform every night. Nagdadalawang isip nga ako dahil hindi ko hilig ang mga ganoong bagay. Maliban sa ayaw ko talaga sa mga bands and rock music, hindi pa ako nakakapunta sa mga clubs.

House. Portwood Academy. Hotel de Atlas. Fleur's. Maiden's Eye. Ito lang talaga ang mga lugar sa New Atlas na napuntahan ko. At sa mga lugar na ito, parati kong kasama si Mom.

"I don't know."

Ate Claire pouted. "Dali na, huh." She blinks at me. "Magugustuhan mo 'to. Promise."

"I hate loud music."

She winced. "Uh..." Nang wala na siyang mahanap na salita ay umupo siya sa tabi ko. "Please, para naman 'to sa 'yo, eh. Let's go out and don't think of your practice for Lolo's birthday. Let's forget mom tonight. Actually, let's forget everything and everyone tonight. Just think of yourself and what do you want to do."

Naningkit ang mga mata ko sa kaniya. "All I want to do are sleep, eat, practice and study."

Parang mabaliw na siya sa narinig niya. "Jace!"

"What!"

"Hindi iyon ang ibig kong sabihin!"

"Can you make it clear?!"

"I said—"

The door open and Mom enter. "What the hell is going on?"

Napatigil kaming dalawa ni Ate Claire sa pagsisisigaw. Tumayo si Ate Claire. "Hey, mom." We both winced as mom just stare at her. "Nag-uusap lang po kami ni Jace."

"Ganiyan ba ang tamang pag-uusap ng dalawang taong naghaharapan?" Tanong niya. Her focus is entirely on Ate Claire so I feel the weight on her shoulders. "Ganito ba ang tinuturo sa bawat practice mo, Claire?" She spat her name like it was the most disgusting thing ever.

"Mom, it's my fault po. I raise my voice first." Pumagitna ako sa tension nilang dalawa. "Ate Claire tried to explain something at hindi ko iyon naintindihan, and then I got annoyed—"

"Don't try to cover Claire, August." Bigla akong napatigil sa narinig. "Siya ang panganay at siya dapat ang pangalawang humuhubog sa iyo. She should be responsible to put you in place, pero ano itong naririnig ko, sinisigawan ka niya pabalik. Tamang asal ba iyan ng isang panganay?"

My mouth went agape. Magsasalita na sana ako ng bigla akong tinawag ni Ate Claire. "Jace, pwede bang iwan mo muna kami?"

Napatingin ako sa kaniya at bahagyang nanlalaki ang mga mata. "What are you doing?" I mouthed but she just gently squeezes my hand and ushered me to get out. Napatingin naman ako kay Mom na nakatayo lang sa gitna at masama ang tingin sa aming dalawa, specifically, kay Ate Claire.

I leave the room. But before I can step a one-meter distance from the door I heard a loud slap. Kaagad kong tinabunan ang bibig para maiwasan ang paglabas ng singhap. And then I heard her voice. "You should be grateful, Claire, iyon lang ang maabutan mo ngayong araw."

Narinig ko ang yabag ni mom kaya dali-dali akong umalis. Halata sa mukha ko ang gulat nang marating ko ang kwarto. I stare at myself in the vanity mirror. "Shoot." Bulong ko.