𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄

04 ♰ august

Doubting Ate Claire for sneaking around is the biggest understatement of the year. For the looks of it, it was impossible to get out in this dreadful house because of mom's security panel. Our doors has security that it will notify mom whenever someone is out at this unusual hour.

"Be back before 2:00." One of our maids, I don't remember her name, maybe the same age as mine, smile at us, especially to Ate Claire before giving her a single key. It was an unusual key na hindi ko pa nakikita sa tanang buhay ko na ginagamit ni mom.

"What's that?" I ask while holding on Ate Claire with my dear life.

Lumabas kami sa kitchen door. "Ang susi dito sa kitchen door. Ang kitchen door lang ang walang security panel kaya huwag kang mag-aalala. Aalis tayong buo, babalik tayong buo."

I can't help but to think of what she said. Double meaning. May kung anong ibig sabihin sa likod ng mga salita niya. Knowing Ate Claire, she really like to sugarcoat her words when talking to me. It's either, uuwi kaming buo pero may kulang sa amin o di kaya may sobra. I don't know. I don't trust her that much when it comes to this.

"You trust me, right?"

"No."

"Ouch."

Our feet touch the ground. Ate Claire said that we are going to the back part of our land. Doon daw ay may naghihintay na sasakyan. Sa gilid kami ng garden house dumaan, curses was being flown from Ate Claire's mouth because of the insect infecting her naked arms. I expect her to wear something long, like jacket or hoodie. But she stayed with a tank top, fitted jeans and boots.

Then we walk the long forest behind our house until we reach the abandoned high way. Huminga si Ate Claire ng malakas at lumapit sa isang sasakyan na natatabunan ng isang tarpaulin. I thought, Ate Claire is walking from here down to New Atlas. Or Ate Claire is waiting for her friends to pick her up.

"Where did you get the car?" I ask and sit on the passenger seat as she opens the door for me.

Mom didn't bought Ate Claire any car or any sort of transportations that can pace her from here to her own studio in New Atlas. Our grandparents didn't give her either...or dad.

"Binili ko 'to sa sarili ko," she said once she enter the car. "Second hand, pero pwede pa."

I admire her for it. "Good for you." I smile.

Ate Claire smirk. "No, Jace. Good for you, because when you turn 18 on December our whole ass family will give you anything you want." She wakes the sleeping engine and it vibrated along with my body. Sa tanang buhay ko ay hindi pa ako nakakasakay sa sasakyan na kasama ni Ate Claire.

Before she can maneuver the car, I ask her something. "Bakit hindi ka parin umalis?" Napatigil siya saglit at tumingin sa akin. She replaced her smile with a slight frown and her eyes soften. "Sana ngayon ay hindi ka na sinasaktan ni mom."

"Because of you, Jace," aniya na siyang nagpatibok sa puso ko ng mabilis. "Gusto kong parating nasa-tabi mo kapag gusto mong umiyak dahil sa ginagawa ni mom. Gusto kong ako ang parating gumagamot sa sugat mo. Ayokong mag-isa kang umiiyak dahil alam ko sa pakiramdam ang walang nakakaalam ng mga pinagdadaanan mo. I want to be with you because I know how fragile you are. You don't deserve that kind of shit and treatment, Jace. Isolde, William or not, you're my little sister and I am oblige and responsible to take care of you if our parents can't. You know, Jace. You are the reason why I can't take away my own life even I want to. Dahil ayokong maranasan mo ang mga nararanasan ko. Close man tayo o hindi, I want you to remember, Jace, that Ate Claire will be always here for you."

I am chocking in my own air. I wanted to cry but I can't, instead, I lunge at her and gave her a bone crushing hug. She reciprocates the gesture and kiss the side of my head.

☄. *. ⋆

We reach the New Atlas after thirty minutes of driving. "Mas lalong nagiging maganda ang New Atlas kapag gabi." Ate Claire said as we stroll the streets until we reach the LIPSTICK.

Nang maiparada niya ang sasakyan ay lumabas ako at napatingin sa sign sa pangawalang palapag ng club. There, a literal lipstick neon light blinking straight back at me, with the club's name under it. "What do you think?" She asks when she reach my side.

"Pfft..." Gumawa nalang ako ng ingay sa aking bibig ng wala akong masabi.

Ate Claire laugh and ushered me at the entrance. Akala ko ay mag-c-cut kami ng line pero isang tingin lang sa malaking guard na nakatayo sa gilid ng pinto ay pinagbuksan niya kami ng pinto. The guards eye me with judgement.

Walang pasabi kaming pumasok ni Ate Claire. The music and loud chants of people echo in my ears. Bago namin mapuntahan ang puso ng club ay may hagdanan, isang malapad na landing sa dulo ng hagdanan papuntang kaliwa. "Just tell me if you don't like the sound, aalis tayo rito."

I nodded even though I wanted to go out already.

We descend the stairs, heart pounding like a drum. May nakasalubong pa kaming dalawang tao—a girl and a boy—both giggling and laughing, alcohol is already on their system. "I want to fuck you already." The boy whispered that I heard before Ate Claire cover my ears.

Namumula akong tumapak sa landing ng hagdan. Ate Claire just shake her head. "Come on." Once we reach the heart of the LIPSTICK, everything is in chaos. Everyone is drinking, laughing, gambling, kissing and grinding each other's body.

"Oh, my Angels." I murmured as I look away from those people in the corner.

"Nag-uumpisa na pala silang tumgtog!" Ate Claire shout at me before dragging me in the middle of chaotic crowd. She jumps and ushered me to follow. Hindi ko ginawa iyon at napapangiwi sa hindi magandang musika na naririnig. I heard different curse, drums that synchronize my overwhelmed heart, a single electric guitar that hurt my ears.

"Fucking shit!" Sigaw ng kung sino sa likod ko.

Napahiyaw ako at bigla nalang nadala sa gitna—papalayo kay Ate Claire. I tried to call her name but it came out as a muffle because of the loud music from the stage. Disco lights flashes in my eyes and I felt my ears are burning from the combined sound. "Ate Claire!" I called with my hands covering my ears. Hindi ko magawang makuha ang ear buds dahil sa walang space.

It felt like I'm a useless piece of thing floating in the ocean and letting the current sway me in the directions that it sways. Horror spread to my body. "Ate Claire!" I called but no avail.

Hindi ko na napansin na narating ko na pala ang harapang bahagi ng dance floor, sa harap mismo ng stage kung nasaan ang bandang THE UNDERGROUND ay nagpapatugtog. The electric guitar blasts. Napatingin ako sa lead guitarist ng banda.

"Ate Claire!" I called again as I face the crowd.

I purse my lips.

Nang tumingin ako sa stage ay nakita ko na ang lead guitarist nilang nakatingin sa akin. "Are you alright?" He mouthed at me. Hindi ko alam kung ako nga ba talaga ang tinutukoy niya. Nang hindi ako makasagot at nanatiling nakatayo na parang tuod, the lead guitarist throw his guitar down and jump down in front of me.

Mas lalong lumakas ang hiyawan nila samantalang nalilitong napatingin sa kaniya ang kabanda niya. The crowd encircle us while touching his body but his entire focus is on me. He touches my shoulders and lean forward. "Are you okay?!" He shouts.

"No! I lost Ate Claire!" I found myself shouting back.

"First time?!" He shouts. Hinahayaan niya lang na hawakan siya sa katawan. A hand snake on his waist and didn't bother to know who it was.

"First time and probably the last!" I make up my mind. Hindi na talaga ako pupunta rito.

"Can I take you somewhere private? Kapag natapos itong kanta namin ay hahanapin natin ang Ate Claire mo!" He offered me with a gentle smile.

I nodded, desperate ranging in my body. He gestured someone and a hand snake on my shoulders, tearing me away from the crowd. The lead guitarist jump back to the stage, picking up the guitar and went to his concert like nothing happened.