Loving The JEON

CHAPTER 108:-

I flush and nod. Oh that!

"He has a morbid self-abhorrence. I'm sure that comes as no surprise to you. And of course there's the parasomnia... um - night terrors, sorry, to the layperson."

I blink at him, trying to absorb all these long words. I know about all of this. But Flynn hasn't mentioned my central concern.

"But he's a sadist. Surely, as such, he has needs which I can't fulfill."

Dr. Flynn actually rolls his eyes, and his mouth presses into a hard line. "That's no longer recognized as a psychiatric term. I don't know how many times I have told him that. It's not even classified as a paraphilia any more, not since the nineties."

Dr. Flynn has lost me again. I blink at him. He smiles kindly at me.

"This is a pet peeve of mine." He shakes his head. "Jungkook just thinks the worst of any given situation. It's part of his self-abhorrence. Of course, there's such a thing as sexual sadism, but it's not a disease; it's a lifestyle choice. And if it's practiced in a safe, sane relationship between consenting adults, then it's a nonissue. My understanding is that Jungkook has conducted all of his BDSM relationships in this manner. You're the first lover who hasn't consented, so he's not willing to do it."

Lover!

"But surely it's not that simple."

"Why not?" Dr. Flynn shrugs good-naturedly.

"Well... the reasons he does it."

"Lisa, that's the point. In terms of solution-focused therapy, it is that simple. Jungkook wants to be with you. In order to do that, he needs to forego the more extreme aspects of that kind of relationship. After all, what you're asking for is not unreasonable... is it?"

I flush. No, it's not unreasonable, is it?

"I don't think so. But I worry that he does."

"Jungkook recognizes that and has acted accordingly. He's not insane." Dr. Flynn sighs.

"In a nutshell, he's not a sadist, Lisa. He's an angry, frightened, brilliant young man, who was dealt a shit hand of cards when he was born. We can all beat our breasts about it, and analyze the who, the how and the why to death - or Jungkook can move on and decide how he wants to live. He'd found something that worked for him for a few years, more or less, but since he met you, it no longer works. And as a consequence, he's changing his modus operandi. You and I have to respect his choice and support him in it."

I gape at him. "That's my reassurance?"

"As good as it gets, Lisa. There are no guarantees in this life." He smiles. "And that is my professional opinion."

I smile, too, weakly. Doctor jokes... jeez.

"But he thinks of himself as a recovering alcoholic."

"Jungkook will always think the worst of himself. As I said, it's part of his self-abhorrence. It's in his makeup, no matter what. Naturally he's anxious about making this change in his life. He's potentially exposing himself to a whole world of emotional pain, which, incidentally, he had a taste of when you left him. Naturally he's apprehensive." Dr. Flynn pauses. "I don't mean to stress how important a role you have in his Damascene conver-sion - his road to Damascus. But you have. Jungkook would not be in this place if he had not met you. Personally I don't think that an alcoholic is a very good analogy, but if it works for him for now, then I think we should give him the benefit of the doubt."

Give Jungkook the benefit of the doubt. I frown at the thought.

"Emotionally, Jungkook is an adolescent, Lisa. He bypassed that phase in his life totally. He's channeled all his energies into succeeding in the business world, and he has beyond all expectations. His emotional world has to play catch-up."

"So how do I help?"

Dr. Flynn laughs. "Just keep doing what you're doing," he grins at me. "Jungkook is head over heels. It's a delight to see."

I flush, and my inner goddess is hugging herself with glee, but something bothers me.

"Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Of course."

I take a deep breath. "Part of me thinks that if he wasn't this broken he wouldn't... want me."

Dr. Flynn's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "That's a very negative thing to say about yourself, Lisa. And frankly it says more about you than it does about Jungkook. It's not quite up there with his self-loathing, but I'm surprised by it."

"Well, look at him... and then look at me."

Dr. Flynn frowns. "I have. I see an attractive young man, and I see an attractive young woman. Lisa, why don't you think of yourself as attractive?"

Oh no... I don't want this to be about me. I stare down at my fingers. There's a sharp knock on the door that makes me jump. Jungkook comes back into the room, glaring at both of us. I flush and glance quickly at Flynn, who is smiling benignly at Jungkook.

"Welcome back, Jungkook," he says.

"I think time is up, John."

"Nearly, Jungkook. Join us."

Jungkook sits down, beside me this time, and places his hand possessively on my knee.

His action does not go unnoticed by Dr. Flynn.

"Did you have any other questions, Lisa?" Dr. Flynn asks and his concern is obvious.

Shit... I should not have asked that question. I shake my head.

"Jungkook?"

"Not today, John."

Flynn nods.

"It may be beneficial if you both come again. I'm sure Lisa will have more questions."

Jungkook nods, reluctantly.

I flush. Shit... he wants to delve. Jungkook clasps my hand and regards me intently.

"Okay?" he asks softly.

I smile at him, nodding. Yes, we're going for the benefit of the doubt, courtesy of the good doctor from England.

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