In Love and Death ❧ Frerard/Gerbert

Chapter 1: For You

At first, I was afraid of you
And you, you were afraid of me too
I did not know what to say to you
I saw your eyes close and I knew
The worlds apart, the love
That keeps the distance quite imaginary
All I want to say to you
Is that your love never leaves me alone
And now you're right here, hold my hand
Every single song I ever sing is for you

❧

October 2003

It was half past 7 P.M. when Gerard was heard sobbing rather dramatically as he burst through the front door of his otherwise dark, still house. His raspy cursing caused Ray and Mikey to perk up from their slumber on the couch, who had fallen asleep watching a movie. Black-painted fingernails clawed at his unkempt, matching dyed hair in desperation as if it were on fire. On any other day, he would've headed straight to the bathroom to wash away the putrid smell of lingering roast beef from off his body; a misfortune of working next door to a rather popular deli in town. Without turning to acknowledge either of the two he called his only friends, he darted towards the stairs on their left, muttering to himself.

"Hey, you okay?" Mikey asked dazedly in the dark, pushing Ray's legs off of his lap. He turned to his left and switched on the lamp, illuminating the mess that was his brother. His heart dropped at the sound of crying.

"Wait, what happened?" Mikey scrambled but not before he tripped over a fleece blanket that was wrapped awkwardly around his foot. "What's wrong? What happened?" His interrogation only made his brother's snotty sniffling and phlegm-coughing louder, and Gerard had no time to answer his impending questions.

Gerard stomped his way up the stairs and slammed the door to enclose himself in his cold room. Band posters that were hung with tape and thumbtacks were expectantly looming over his shaking body upon throwing himself onto his box-spring bed. Wrapping the quilted sheets around his rickety frame, he sobbed and quivered all evening long, until nighttime finally settled around him like a blanket. Moonlight began to peek through the curtain of diamond skies.

He had two nose bleeds as he cried his heart out. He'd been getting a lot of those recently. Ray had told him it could be caused by overwhelming stress and anxiety. Mikey told him it was 'a sign of change'. It must've been a mixture of both. As gross as it was, he couldn't bother to go to the bathroom to plug his bleeding nose. He wasn't ready for the social interaction that came with opening his bedroom door. He knew he was out there — Mikey. He was outside his door with a plate of Eggo Waffles. Gerard could feel his brother's creepy, ghostly presence and smell the burnt pastry. Despite his repeated knocks and pleading on the locked door to come down for dinner, which consisted of leftover pizza (again), he would not open the door. In the end, he resorted to using a T-shirt from the pile of dirty clothes on his floor, where his heart also lay.

❧

Mikey knew better than to pry forced answers out of his brother, especially when he looked so miserable coming home last night. Mikey's gut was telling him that this was all a result of a fight his brother had gotten involved in, again.

He wanted any sort of explanation, which was exactly what he was going to get when he saw his brother the next morning when the sun was blazing in the clear sky. Their mutual friend Ray had retreated back to their college dorm earlier that morning, deciding the brothers needed some privacy. So Gerard was floundering his way into the tiled kitchen, sporting a new line of misery: greasy hair, dry tear stains, and his favorite patchwork quilt over his head. He made his best effort to avoid eye contact as he took a seat on the kitchen bar stool with a heavy sigh.