The Back Up Benefit

All These Little Shocks

It made sense. My period was late, I was tired, dizzy, feeling sick and eating more. All of the classic signs. The night with Ricky after our date would be enough to make a baby. It didn't take much to get pregnant.

With all this going around my head I was too worried to sleep. Long after Ricky fell asleep I lay watching him and wondering if he was right. If he was going to be a father in a few months.

But then a whole new wave of panic washed over me. There was only ten days between the last time I'd had sex with James and the date with Ricky and no period in between. Oh now I was in deep shit. I couldn't be pregnant with that psychopath's child. I couldn't handle the idea. And how could I tell my best friend and the man I loved that not only was I probably pregnant but possibly by the man he hated?

The fear burned inside me like acid. It rose through my body and into my throat. No that was sick again. I ran to the toilet and brought everything back up.

I wiped my mouth and sat on the cold bathroom floor with my back against the wall.

"Hey." a soft voice said from the door.

Ricky was standing at the door with his hair ruffled and blinking sleep from his eyes.

"Hey." I croaked.

"Poorly tum?" he asked and sat down next to me.

"Something like that." I nodded.

We sat in silence for a while with his arm around me and my face in his neck. I knew I should tell him. The only way I could come to terms with it was to talk about it.

"Rick, I need to tell you something. Something scary." I said with tears pricking my eyes.

"You're not seriously ill are you? I can't loose you." he asked quietly.

"Oh god no! It's not that bad!" I sniffed. "I think I'm..."

I took a deep breath but that just seemed to make it worse. Tears ran down my nose and onto his shoulder. He pulled away and tried to force me to look him in the eye. I couldn't look at him. I just shut my eyes and sobbed.

"Are you?" he asked. "Do you think you're pregnant?"

I nodded and continued to sob. "I'm sorry!"

"Shhh. Don't cry." he cooed softly and pulled me into a hug. "It's great. A little early and a huge surprise but it's great!"

I clung onto him and dung my fingers into his bare back. I felt him lift me up with an arm under my bum and the other around my back. He carried me out of the room like an oversized child as I tucked my legs up and then around his waist. I felt something underneath me but still didn't want to let go of him.

"Liz, we need to talk about this." he said quietly. "How sure are you?"

"Not sure at all. I'm more over a week late." I muttered.

"So your last one was when?" he asked.

I sat back a bit to look at him while he knelt in front of me on the floor with his arms on my legs. He seemed surprisingly calm about the bombshell that just dropped and not embarrassed to talk about my missing period.

"The week before me and James spilt up." I replied quietly.

He thought for a moment then sank back onto the floor, leaving a gap between us.

"Oh." was all he said for a while.

We sat in silence for a while. It could have been for just seconds but it felt like hours. Just the sound of my sniffling and our breathing filled the room.

"So it could be mine or it could be his." he said finally.

I nodded. "I can't have his child. I just can't."

"Well, we can get a test in the morning." he sighed, sat forward and put his hands on my stomach. "No matter what happens I'll love our baby. It's our baby and I'll be it's Daddy."

"Really?" I sobbed through new floods of tears. Tears of happiness this time.

"Yes!" he nodded with tears in his eyes too. "You can't get rid of me that easily!"

"Oh god, you're amazing!" I told him.

He almost shot off the floor like a rocket and had me pinned to the bed as he kissed me. I giggled at his excitement and the sudden change of mood. It had been an emotional roller coaster.

"I hope it's a boy and I hope he likes music." he told me.

I pulled the covers over us as Ricky lay next to me with a hand on my flat stomach and whispered sweet nothings to me. I watched him with a hint of bemusement for a while before I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up the next morning on my side with my back against him and his arm over my waist. Even his feet were tucked up close to mine and I could feel his breath on the back of my neck as he snored a little. I lay drifting in and out of sleep for a while until he snorted particularly loudly and woke us both up. He pushed my ponytail out of the way and kissed the base of my neck then on the curve between my neck and shoulder.

I made a sound of agreement and squeezed his hand.

"Love you." he croaked.

"Love you too." I smiled.

"Did I wake you up with my snoring?" he asked.

"Yes!" I giggled.

"I'm gonna go for a run in a bit. I'll take some money so I can get a test for you." he told me and moved his hand down to my lower stomach. "I hope there's a baby in there."

I smiled sleepily and gave his hand another little squeeze. "I'm so glad you're happy. I'm terrified."

"Don't be. I'll be there." he soothed and kissed my neck again.

I drifted off to sleep again as he got up and went for a run. Somehow I hadn't noticed last night that he'd brought a bag with him that must have his running clothes in it. I woke up to a glass of water on the bed side table and a note reading "drink me" propped up on it. I sat up, drank it all, refilled it from the bathroom sink and drank that. I wasn't sure if Ricky knew I had to wee on a stick for the test when he left me the glass of water but I would make sure I had a really full bladder.

By the time he got back I was bursting for a wee and really hungry for breakfast. I tried not to be grumpy with him for taking his time. New York was a very busy place.

"I didn't know which one was best so I brought as many different ones as I could." he said and handed me a paper bag.

I emptied the little boxes onto the bed and picked a few that looked easy. I shuffled off to the toilet feeling quite relieved. However when I was squatting over the toilet and holding a test between my legs I couldn't go.

"I can't do it!" I groaned.

"What do you mean?" Ricky asked at the door.

"I've got stage fright. Stop watching me. I don't want you watching me on the loo!" I squeaked.

"Sorry." he muttered and turned away. "I'm just..."

"Nervous?" I asked.