Wilted Petals

Chapter 16: She Was the First

(Manish)

I'm always thinking about something. My mind is never blank. And the thoughts have a range that expands miles. Whether it be what I should make for dinner, how to fix the coding bug at my job, or groaning internally about the time I nearly lit the kitchen towel on fire, there's always a thought I'm pondering.

And in the past few days, only one thought seems to drench my mind: that I failed Jaya.

    Ever since I met Jaya in our high school physics class in my sophomore year, the one lesson that she has consistently etched into my mind is to be true to yourself. In not realizing my love for Jaya, I can't help but feel like I failed her and I failed myself. I failed myself by not being true to myself, and I failed her by not being honest with her.

    That's exactly what I'm thinking about over my evening cup of coffee at the dining table. I'm letting the steam warm at my lips and fingertips, while the subtle, toasty aroma inflates my nostrils. It's almost dead silent at the coffee table, with only the subtle ticking of the clock in the background and my heavy breathing filling the gaps in the air.

That thickening silence is disintegrated by Isha's entrance into the living room. "You haven't been this quiet since... ever. What's on your mind?"

I lower my cup until it hits the table, as my eyes dart to where my sister has decided to sit. My eyebrows scrunch in confusion, but we both know that she can read me like an open book. "What makes you think that I'm thinking about something?"

Isha rolls her eyes at me, while gently punching me in the upper arm. "Come on, Manish. You're my big brother. I know you like the back of my hand. I know there's something on your mind. Now spill. What's going on?"

I let out a huge sigh, as I feel like I'm repeating history. The memories of me sitting in my Seattle apartment, calling my mom for advice as I felt like my heart had been scrambled, flash through my mind. As I let out a sigh to try to regain my focus, I look right at Isha, and I have a little thought in the back of my mind telling me that she knows exactly what I'm going to say. "Okay, you know that I'm still in love with Jaya, right? Mumma told you everything, right?" I ask.

Isha's eyes illuminate with joy once she remembers I'm in love, and she nods excitedly. "Yes, I definitely remember. This is about her, huh?"

At that point, I can't say anything else. All I can do is press my lips together tightly and give her a nod. Isha's excited eyes slightly calm down a little bit when she sees how conflicted I am about everything. Her balled up hand loosens to rest it on my forearm, and I smile a little bit from the gesture. "Why are you so sad? Don't you love her?"

Another slightly defeated exhale deflates out of me, as I drum my fingertips against the mug. "That's the thing. I feel so guilty about this. I already hated myself for not telling Jaya. I'm already feeling so guilty for not telling her ASAP that I love her. But what if she doesn't reciprocate?"

A tiny smile curls at Isha's lips, as I know exactly in which direction this is going. She's absolutely going to bring up Puneet, her late husband, and try to relate this to how I'm feeling about Jaya. "Manish, the right time will come. All you have to do is just be patient for a little longer. And I've seen how Jaya looks at you. Even if she doesn't realize it, she's definitely into you."

I chuckle a little bit, even though my expectations for another anecdote of Puneet and Isha's love story aren't fulfilled. I let out a little sigh, as I can see another desire that is burning in Isha's eyes. I raise an eyebrow at her, and she knows exactly what that means. "Manish, I should tell you something. When you were still around, I used to pick on Jaya. Really badly."