Wilted Petals

Chapter 21: Off My Chest

This is crucial. We need to talk about this. And not just about the fact that I kissed him. It's the fact that I love him and I don't want to lose him again. I made that mistake once of not telling my true feelings for him. It's not a mistake that I will make once more.

    I'm half walking, half sprinting towards Manish's apartment. My heart is pounding against my chest so hard that I think the people of the Czech Republic can hear it loud and clear.

Sweat is dampening my palms and my fingers are shaking slightly. A thousand and one thoughts are racing through my mind. At least 90% of them are questions that I need to have answered within the next 30 minutes or my head is going to explode.

I don't have to wait for long, however, because when I get to the door, I instantaneously bang my fist against it. The few seconds that come after that feel like hours. I'm just waiting for him to open the door so that we can finally put this thing to rest.

Those hour-like seconds pass by eventually, and Manish swings the door open. He doesn't even waste a second of my time. He just immediately says, "Come in, Jaya."

I bolt inside the apartment, as he closes the door and locks it. I turn back around, and restrain the urge to yell, "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, GODDAMNIT," that's starting to consume me. Patience is key, Jaya. Patience is key, I reiterate to myself.

Instead, I opt to start on a softer note, and I say, "We really need to talk about what happened last night."

Manish nods his head vigorously, as I can see in his eyes that he's itching to tell me something. I can see the hungry desire of wanting to get this off his chest. Like this is something he can't keep in any longer or he'll just explode. "Do you mind if I start first?" he asks gently.

I try to restrain my wildly beating heart so I don't collapse on the floor right here, but I can only do so for such a short period of time. I hope he makes this quick. "Sure."

Manish's chest inflates with a deep breath, and in one sentence, he spits out, "I love you, Jaya."

At that moment, my heart stops. My jaw falls open a little bit, and this time, the only thing I manage to croak out is, "Manish, I-"

"I'm serious," he continues. "I fell in love with you when it was too late the last time. I was at the airport, waiting for my flight to Seattle, and I realized. I didn't tell you how I felt, and that was, and forever will be, the worst mistake of my life."

I'm standing there, absolutely dumbfounded. Oh my god, he loves me back. Oh my god, we were both in love with each other. How could I have been so stupid? These thoughts ring in my head continuously, as Manish continues on.

"Jaya, leaving you and not admitting that I loved you will always be my biggest mistake. I don't want to make that mistake twice. And you don't have to feel the same way. At all. I just wanted to get this off of my chest, because you deserve to know. I can't lie to myself, and I for sure can't lie to you. Jaya, I'm in love with you. In fact, I'm, sort of, madly in love with you."

Madly.

Madly.

He's madly in love with me.

That word just keeps on playing in my head repeatedly like a broken record. Manish isn't just in love with me. He's madly in love with me. Oh my god, if I'm dreaming, please don't wake me up, I think to myself.

Manish, with nothing else to say, just looks at his feet a little bit as I can sense that he's waiting for a response from me. Breathe in, breathe out, I tell myself, as my heart is now racing at a thousand miles a minute and my mind is abuzz with a trillion thoughts.