ACT I A Fully Dysfunctional Family (S.A.M.S opposites day AU)

10

Content Warning!
Mentions of drugs
Implied suicide attempt

[????? pov]

All around me, the birds fly.
Free.
As will I soon.
I can still taste the nicotine on my tongue, though the smouldering cancer-stick is long gone.

Igniting a small fire of its own, perhaps.
Sparks that fly and burn and destroy.
At least it leaves the world with something, beautiful and untamed.
Natural.
Wild.

I had another nightmare about the drugs yesterday.
Those multicoloured pills he told me would make me feel better.
I had a vivid dream where Solar was gripping him by the shoulder, as he forced them down my throat.

Little by little, the world fell into shards again. As it is.
I couldn't breathe.
One more won't hurt you.
It's helping you.
You'll feel better soon...
darling.
I could feel the lies they fed me.
Feel them
But I could also feel how easily I swallowed them up.
Every one
I couldn't let go of his hands, fingers clasped between mine. I couldn't force him off.
I loved him so.
I couldn't let go even though it was hurting me.

I couldn't forget those pills.
I needed them.
I can't forget what I did.
What they made me do.

The faces.

Her innocent eyes.

His malicious grin.

Drenched in blood and a smile spread across his lips.

Another handful of the demonically coloured cylinders.

What have I done?

I woke with my heart in my throat.

And the world spinning.

I could hear Moon downstairs
As he read the note.
I had written
For the upteenth time.
In the voice of his dear brother.
The words played out, a song in my head, bouncing around.

Needed to go get something.
I will be back soon.
Please don't worry about me.
-Eclipse

I wondered if he'd buy it.
He did.
He's like me
Easy
to
manipulate.

I hope Eclipse will not mind.
I hope I have done
something right for once.
He can visit his friends now.
Without worrying about
.
.
.
Sun.

And me.
Do they worry about me?
I wonder.
When I disappeared they didn't even notice.

The cold abyss I will soon meet with stares through me.
I am transparent here.
It knows.
It knows what I'm doing.
It knows why.
It understands me.
That is all I really needed.

But
Is this really how I go?
Broken like this?
What of Eclipse and Cosmo and Bloodmoon and Nova?
What of Sun and Solar?
Moon?
I want to hug Moon one last time.
And tell him it wasn't his fault, that this was always going to happen.
I want him to know that.

The immense sadness ebbs throughout my system, forcing itself out through thick, silent tears that become one with the body of water, resting beside me.

The fishnet sleeves are still grappling tight against my skin, as if they are trying to warn me.

I do not listen.

Red ribbon clamps my wrist.
The connection is torn.
I want it's freedom.

Look back towards the city.
This is it.

Goodnight

I take the plunge into nothing

IT FELT LIKE A KNIFE, SHARP AND PAINFUL. COLD AND MALICIOUSLY FREEZING ME ALONG WITH IT.
The water is smashing against me.
My arm shines red.
It is burning throughout my body
Ripping the air away from me.
I don't want to regret this decision.
But as it tears through me it hurts more than I ever imagined it would.
More than I imagined it even could.
I feel so much more than I have felt in so long.
The pain is so clear and sharp.
Followed by a dull numbness.
I grapple with the bank of the water, fingers barely streaking the pondgrass.
The voice in my head tells me to hold on.

But the water beckons me further into its depths.

Offering freedom.

I forfeit the last of my fight.
I cannot go on with all this.
I need to be free of it all now.
Free
My hand slips away.
It pulls me down

And swallows me into the blackness.

It chokes me.
The thoughts physically choke every ounce of life from my already weak body.
I fall.
And it hurts more than anything.