Love and Lies • 𝑇𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑦 𝑆ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑏𝑦

Chapter Seventeen

Ann and Tommy stood in silence in his apartment after leaving the bar. She stood in front of the closed door, while he stood on the other side of the bed next to the window. 

The candles on his dresser were enough for her to make out his face as he smoked the last nub of his cigarette, and then put it out on the ash tray set on the window sill. With every second, Ann's headache sharpened and her throat tightened with an ache she knew would come out in a bruise in a few days.

"I met Celia Wilson." Tommy finally spoke. "The night after you left, I drove to the Manor. Coincidentally, the Wilsons were just coming home from their first family lunch after holiday."

Ann rested her back against the door, as caution reminded her to keep her distance. He'd had weeks to cement her as the villain in his story. That wouldn't change with just a few words from her.

"What's your name?" Tommy asked, and Ann took in a deep, shuddering breath that made the rawness in her throat worst.

"Ann...Liena." She answered slowly, letting the British accent she'd put back on when she returned to the city fall away. Her voice was hoarse, but she still used the sharp tones of the Cantonese language to pronounce the name her mother had given her.

"I was born and raised in China." She continued after Tommy didn't say anything else. His eyes widened a fraction as he recognised the change in her voice, and then he passed a sour hand over his face. She waited a couple seconds for him to recover, before starting up again. "I spent a couple months volunteering in different refugee sanctuary groups, and then one day I was approached by a woman who brought me into my line of work after I unknowingly killed her target."

"Unknowingly, meaning I didn't know the man was her target, not that I didn't know what I was doing when I pushed a knife through his chest."

Tommy blinked at her, and then he took out another cigarette and a match box from his jacket pocket. 

Ann was always careful with her words, alert of how she treaded the ground between them. But suddenly she could feel his awareness of how she tried to strip herself clean of that effort, so that nothing remained between them but honesty. But still, his fences wouldn't drop, like they'd moulded into his skin.

"I don't just...kill whoever I'm told to. It takes time, and assessment, and-"

"You think that absolves you from what you do?" Tommy asked without sharpness, as he lit his cigarette.

"No. I know what I am." Ann said. "Most of the time, I even enjoy who I am." Tommy's eyes narrowed, and she thought those probably weren't the right words to use. But it was the truth, and she wasn't ashamed of it, so let it show as she held his gaze.

Shadows swallowed his face, and he lowered his eyes.

Ann didn't know what to think. But she could guess what he thought. He regretted her.

The awe in Tommy's eyes the morning after they'd first slept together came to her mind. It was as if he'd been ready to embrace her before he even truly knew her. It had felt so safe to smile and be charming to him, but she had still felt it was impossible for her to love him. If she'd only known her mistake before all her years of training to control her emotions became useless.

But what was the point of that desire if she could never be his, if she had already given herself over to her vocation?

There had been men before, but for most of her life, the only thing Ann truly wanted was the idea of making the world a better place. How could any person compete with that?

But then came this stranger, who thrived in the spot light with presented ease and as much planning and intellect as she used. 

They were from different worlds, but they were one and the same kind. How could she not love him?

Ann stood up from against the door, and Tommy's blue eyes met hers again. "I'm going to go," she said, and Tommy couldn't help but stare with surprise. "There's nothing else I can tell you to make this okay...if there is, tell me."

Tommy's face creased into a frown, but he didn't respond.

"You need time." 

"You can't leave the city alone in the middle of the night." He said the words he'd said to her a couple weeks ago, and it made Ann smile, a small sad smile.  

"I'll be okay." She pulled a small card out of her pocket and walked towards him, offering it to him. He accepted it, turning it around to read the phone number written on its surface. "I'll be in London." Her voice was hesitant. "But only for the rest of the month."

"What?"

"I know it's not fair...but if somehow in that time you find you want to talk to me, call that number."

"And if I don't?" Tommy asked, impassively.

"Then I'll be gone, and you'll never have to see me again," she said softly. She was about to force herself to walk away, but Tommy lifted his hand as if he was going to touch her, and she stopped. His hand stayed in the air for a few seconds before he put it down.

Without thinking, she cupped his face, and even though he didn't flinch, she quickly pulled away. "I'm sorry, I just..." She took a calming breath, and then turned around and walked towards the door. It was only when she had it open that she looked over her shoulder. "Goodbye."