181 Days of Madeline Jesty

Chapter 18: Maternal Instinct

I wasn't prepared for Ms. Lilian's question. I was extremely afraid of her next words. In my head, I was thinking that the only authority in this school I ever respected would finally speak of something that would make me dislike her.

I was already making scenarios in my head. Of course I knew this was a sectarian school. To them, loving a person of the same sex was a one-way ticket to hell and damnation. I was imagining Ms. Lilian being disappointed at me, telling me statements that would make me rather wish to be deaf and mute.

"What about it?" I asked. I wanted to add and lie that Mickey and I were only friends, but although we're not exactly lovers, we weren't exactly just friends either. But I was able to bite my tongue and wait for Ms. Lilian's next words—words that would determine if I would still regard her highly.

She breathed deeply, which made me more anxious. Just say it, I thought. Say you're against it, so I could start hating you too.

"I know . . ."—she looked left and right, as if checking that no one was listening—"that you and Mickey may be sharing something special," she whispered as soft as she could, even though her seatmates weren't in the faculty room yet. "But please, Maddie. You know the rules here. I . . . I am not against what you two have. If . . . if I had the highest authority, it won't matter, really. But I am powerless here. And you are—well, how do I say this . . . not there yet. So I want you to be careful. All eyes are on you, and I don't want your potential to go to waste because of a rumor."

"H-how . . . why do you think so?"

"Maternal instinct," she proudly replied.

These two words comforted me in so many ways.

"Maddie, d-do you want us to talk about this somewhere else?"

Unnoticing the tears falling down my cheeks, I gently nodded and then quickly wiped them off. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. Her support and warning overwhelmed me to the core, so I wasn't sure if my tears were out of extreme happiness and relief or out of disbelief and self-reproach that I doubted her for a second.

"A-all right," she added, already panicky, probably because one of her students was crying in front of her. "I'll get in touch with you later, okay?"

I stood from my seat and bowed. "Thank you, Ms. Lilian."

She replied with a tender smile.

How I wish Mom would give me the same advice, I pondered as I walked outside the faculty room and toward our building.

Before dismissal, Ms. Lilian asked an additional ten minutes from us for an announcement. She began by giving out sheets of A4-sized paper that read:

To all parents and guardians,

Greetings of peace!

Our first parent-teacher assembly will be conducted on July 1, 2013, from 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. The first part of the conference will be from 10:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. inside our children's classrooms, while the second part will be from 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. in the multipurpose hall. Below is a proposed schedule:

Part 1

8:00 a.m. to 8:10 a.m. Attendance

8:10 a.m. to 8:15 a.m. Prayer

8:15 a.m. to 9:15 a.m. Introduction, Classroom Culture, and Expectations

9:15 a.m. to 10:15 a.m. Election of Homeroom PTA Officers