181 Days of Madeline Jesty

Chapter 29: Safest Place

Margaux crossed her brows, her anger obvious in her face. "Why is that with you?!"

Oops, wrong move. She could've denied it, questioned what I was talking about, and told me that she was looking for something else. Denial was the key to escape. But her question confirmed two things—this lesbian novel was hers and she was furious that I had it.

"Give me that—"

"Shhh," I replied in my softest voice, my left forefinger touching my lips, my right hand holding the book above my head. "Won't you keep your voice low, dear? We're in a library."

Margaux looked at her left and then at her right before returning her gaze on me. "You're an annoying bitch."

"Be careful of what you say to me." My wicked smirk was enough to make her step back. I slowly brought the book close to my chest. "So you own one, M. M. R.?"

"Are you threatening me?"

"Shouldn't you really be careful with the words you say? It's not a threat. It should be a norm," I replied. "I'm just one curious kitten who just likes to have fun. Plus, I love the contents of the book. I wish to borrow it—"

"Why? To scare me? Expose me?"

"Take it easy, Margaux. Look, I don't care, okay? I'm not after anything even though you've treated me like shit. I just like to borrow the book—"

"No!"

She tried to grab the book from me, but I avoided her devious scheme with ease. I sensed her desperation and despair just by looking at her facial expression—her teeth biting her lower lip, her hands clenched in frustration, her watery eyes sparkling with hatred and rage, seemingly implying that she didn't like not having the upper hand. I disliked her pomposity, yes, but her actions made me think that she hated me not because she despised me but because Jane did.

But just when I was about to consider that I might have misunderstood her, she whispered in a hoarse, grumpy tone, "You fucking lesbian!"

I was eager not to let my emotions take over, but she sounded as if lesbian was an insult, a derogatory term, an unforgivable sin. With fierce strength, my hand holding the book slapped her arm hard, which surprised the hell out of her.

"What the hell did you do that for—"

"What's fucking wrong if I'm a lesbian?" I asked, pointing the book at her face.

"Y-you are?"

"I will like whoever I want to like, and you won't spout lesbian to me as if it were some fucking curse, you hear me?" I pulled the bookmark from the book, threw it in front of her, and spewed out what was written there in my most robotic voice: "Dear Margaux, thanks for being there, for being my friend. I know how shitty I am sometimes, but you're always there to guide me in the right path. If you were a guy, you'd definitely be my type. Too bad you have no brother. I hope you'll love this bookmark. Saw this in the bookstore and remembered you immediately. Love you. X-o-x-o, Jane."

She picked up the bookmark as I was speaking, stunned that I was able to memorize the written letter. "How did you—"

But the bell rang, and she didn't have the chance to finish her statement. I hurriedly walked past her, though she pulled my shoulder and forced me to face her.

"Fine." I slammed the book on her chest, pointed at her face, and said, "Next time, if you're so keen to destroy me, bring a recorder so you could record this—I like girls as much as I like boys. And I will allow no one, not even the beliefs of this school, to invalidate what I feel."

Then I turned my back at her to walk toward our classroom in haste, the book close to my chest.

I stretched my arms as our last class ended. Immediately, I went to my locker, expecting only a letter from Mickey. To my surprise, I received two—one from Mickey, one from Margaux.

All right. Cornelia's cafe later, after dismissal.

Can we talk? Restroom near science lab. Just a quick one. —Margaux

Sigh. I didn't want to speak with Margaux anymore. I gave her the book and the bookmark, so what more did she want? Was she afraid that I would tell anyone about it? Didn't she realize I had no proof with me? Besides, holding a novel about lesbians didn't mean anything. For goodness' sake, straights could hold one!

I began to think that she might have something more under her sleeve. Did she tell anyone from her group that I was threatening and now they're planning to avenge her wounded pride?

My eyes found Margaux laughing and talking with Jane before she grabbed her bag, kissed Jane's both cheeks to bid goodbye, and then walked away. She even moved the chairs in the column where I was sitting, probably with an intent for me notice her.

Does she really think I'll go? I thought. I didn't have the time to write one more note and slip it inside Mickey's locker, so I hurriedly packed my things and went straight to the comfort room near the science lab. Margaux should better say whatever she needed to say quickly or I was out.

I looked from left to right to make sure no one was following me before entering the restroom near the science lab—the same restroom Mickey and I made out. Margaux was there, sitting on the sink. I pretended not to notice the book beside her.

"Better be quick," I told her. "I have things to do."

She sighed before jumping from the sink. "Are you really that mad at me?"

"Me? Mad at you? What a bold thing to say." My arms crossed, my chin held high, I added, "You see, Margaux, I don't care about anyone. I am minding my own business, but your friend decided to hate on me for no reason at all. Oh, wait—maybe there is. She dislikes me because I can be who I am without even trying. She's draining herself for what? For something that had no meaning to me? Worse is that you tolerate it. Aren't you just as awful as her?"

"I'm here to open up, not listen to some sermon."

"You needed to hear that. And oh, that book?" I pointed the book with my glance. "I was curious who M. M. R. is and thought, 'Wow, whoever she is must be one brave soul to read this in the LRC.' But finding out that it was you . . . I realized it was the opposite. Please, don't ever leave such books and then ask your mother to cover up for you if things get messy—"

"I won't ask her that because she doesn't know and she won't accept it. I left it there because the LRC was the safest place to read such books . . . I . . . I didn't want to be found out . . . because whatever you're thinking is correct."

"I don't judge, Margaux. Not unless you tell me."

She breathed in and out deeply. "God, I hate that it has to be you, among all people."

"Well, it seems that I was led here intentionally. I call it fate."

Margaux got the book from the sink and then gave it to me as she spoke. "I-I am . . . lesbian. I like girls. No . . . I only like one girl."

I stayed silent. It was Margaux who continued to confess.

"Jane. I like Jane."