The Fifth Date

Chapter 32

Goodbye Summer - f(x) ft. D.O.

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I was never the type of person who truly believed in something, especially if that something revolved around something which I couldn't get a hold of. Maybe it was the reason why my life was nothing more but a routine. Shower, coffee, work, coffee, shower, home. No adventures. No conversations. No long rides. No extra smiles. Just life- if you would even consider it as one. But something changed along the way, I guess I could blame this all on you. I won't say it happened so fast with the few days we spent together- including those days when we never actually talked, but time played an ironic part of being in a constant slow motion that even hours could be years, and it made everything so subtle, I could almost get a hold of it.

Yet, I didn't.

'Cause if I did, time would stop, and I'd eventually wake up from this massive fantasy of falling for a guy who knew nothing but make me smile, and turn this into a nightmare of hopelessly floating into a limbo of endless possibilities. And again, I wouldn't want that. I wouldn't want trudging into the path of unknown because it's too scary for my own sake. I have told you this time and again but you kept on insisting to take the chance and walk to the end of it regardless of how endless the possibilities were. Because whatever lies ahead was my home base, my destiny- my fate. And I've never believed much in fate until now. Until I found myself in front of June Louise Cook's grave. I was definitely glad to know that you were wearing warm clothes and is beside me rather than a deathbed suit in a coffin. But when I found out who was donning the latter, I suddenly felt guilty, surprised, and sad.

"She's my younger sister. She had Leukemia when she was seven, we had to move out of town for her treatment. It was a very difficult time for our family. It was heartbreaking to see my sister suffering, my mother crying, and my father struggling for strength. But she made it. She survived. All of us were happy and everything almost fell back into place. Yet I still kept an eye on her, she was still fragile and pale even though the doctors said she was going to be fine. I've read all the articles about the disease and was extremely scared of relapse. It totally scared me that I dedicated my whole life to her. She was such a sweet girl. We were really close. She's my sister and I don't wanna lose her," you said, choking on a sob.

"That's why I barely had friends. While my parents worked, I stayed home after school to watch over her. I even asked my mom to let me quit school and she said that'll never happen. Louise was home-schooled and I wanted the same so that I can take care of her but it was so expensive, we'll end up eating dirt for the rest of our lives." You laughed. But it was a sad kind of laugh and I was trying to keep it together.

"Four years ago, she went extremely weak and was bleeding everywhere. We sent her to the hospital and the doctors said she had a late relapse which rarely happens. We prayed. I prayed...really hard. Fortunately, the treatments were working and she was doing well again but she had to stay in the hospital. And I had to stay there, too. Because I wasn't going anywhere until she's totally fine. One night she asked me what my greatest dream was. I told her it was to die first before her. She glared at me and told me to keep on dreaming. We laughed for a while. Then, she asked me again what my greatest dream was-something that didn't involve her. I just smiled because I couldn't think of anything without Louise in it. My whole life just revolved around her. She rolled her eyes and told me how I shouldn't keep her at the center of my world because it was my life and I had to live it as if it was mine, not hers. The nurse came in for her medication but she refused unless I tell her what my greatest dream was. She was kinda stubborn at times so I told her I wanted to become an artist. I didn't even think about it. It just came out of my mouth. Maybe it was because I draw and paint while I watched over her. And for the first time since she was admitted, she smiled, and it was the genuine proud kind of smile and I swear I almost cried at that moment." The rain has stopped but your eyes were just warming up. I held your hand and gave it a squeeze. You smiled and continued.