The Fifth Date

Chapter 21

Tap. Tap. Tap.

        My shoes echoed down the pavement as I crossed the street. My black boots shone against the sun, kicking pebbles here and there. I watched my feet with interest as I step on the concrete ground, bringing me to the bus stop next block. I breathed through the chilly morning air as I rubbed my hands for warmth.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

         I stopped as I hailed a bus which arrived just in time. I got in, there were only five passengers and I sat at the back. I edged closer to the window as I watched the trees and houses pass by like a blur. Just like how unusual events happen just by the snap of a finger, just by a flick of a wand, just by a click on the remote control, just by a slip of the tongue, just by a cup of Americano and your Caramel Macchiato. My heart raced as I remember yesterday’s events. Until now, it had not totally occurred to me that in a few hours, I might actually be on a date with you, who I take for a stranger. Well not totally a stranger but someone I’ve been seeing for two years and just happened to talk to for the first time yesterday. And I, myself, am totally surprised at how impulsive it was.

         I was made of an invincible armor of steel, indestructible chain of mistrust, iron helmet of paranoia and blade of searing insensitivity and hostility in my dystopia for a world. I’ve lived my life battle-ready, armored, keen, and cautious. And if ever, I accepted your offer, all my efforts will have been gone down the drain. It totally meant stripping away all these 1840-something garb and going naked in style. That was not going to happen. I won’t let it happen. So I sat by the bus, nervously checking my watch, making sure I won’t be too late to tell you I’m turning you down. Because it was a terribly, outrageous yet enticing but bad idea. I got off the bus and started hearing the tapping of my boots again.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

         The sound reminded me of my high school principal walking down the hallway during class hours, making sure no student was loitering and everyone was paying attention to their classes. I sat at the very back near the back door so the tapping of her heels on the tiled floor was the reason why I managed not to fall asleep in between classes, not even during Calculus.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

One more corner and my destination will be at sight.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

         The sound may be annoying but it was probably what was keeping me from thinking of you. Your smile. Your eyes. Your hair. Your scent. And your voice. I turned the corner and the Green Leaf signage greeted me. I heaved a sigh and balled my fist, willing my brain to push the thoughts of you back into the depths of my mind. I have to try not to be swooned. And it was going to be hard. Totally hard. Like being offered a free bus ride on a rainy night but turning it down because of fear that the driver might kill me or worse, drop me in front of your house. And I don’t even wanna know where your house is, I might just end up stalking you.

        My heart hammered as I pushed the door and the wind chime jingled, welcoming me. Empty. Just as I expected. I had a brief run-through of my turning-you-down speech while I wait for my coffee at my usual table. I also thought of just leaving before you arrive. No explanation whatsoever. I eyed the empty chair in front of me. It was empty but your presence lingered. I could see you leaning back with a serious look as you drew on your notebook. I could see you pucker your lips as you made little strokes across the pad. I could see you smile when you look up at me. And I could hear your voice saying, “Will you go out on a date with me?” I shook my head hopelessly. How on earth was I going to turn you down when every little girl’s dream was to date their prince charming? And here I was preparing to turn you down for an armor. That’s right, I’m no princess. I have to keep telling myself that.

I’m no princess.

I’m a warrior.

         A warrior who fights her own battles. A warrior who revels in secrecy and complete mistrust. A warrior who savors loneliness and solitude. But didn’t I just smile and talk about the weather with Micky a few minutes ago? Didn’t I just grin at him and thank him when he served me my coffee and oatmeal cookies? Was my armor some kind of a fixer-upper? Or was it my mind?