I Tried to Kill My Dumb Friend and Now I'm on Probation

Prologue: Well, This Is Gonna Suck

All right, so, here's me; Mandy. I'm lying here in my bed, and I can't get to sleep. I've been thinking about stuff—too much stuff. I've been thinking it for a while, now, and I guess it's kind of getting to me.

Well... wait. I guess I should have started this story earlier, like when I first started thinking about the stuff, right? Yeah, I never was good at telling stories. Okay, forget about my bed. I'm at school, and Billy and I are getting in line for P.E when Mindy says..

..No, wait. I was kind of thinking about it then, too, wasn't I? All right, so it's further back than that, but I don't really remember when. Anyway, one day or another, I just kind of started to think about... well... about Billy. Billy and I. mean, not really about us personally, but more like... our relationship. Where we are now as friends, and where we'll eventually end up. Well, maybe it isn't all that, either. It's actually kind of more like... you know... if we'll ever be.. um.. well, dating, or something. Pretty dumb, right?

Now, don't start thinking I'm infatuated with him or anything, because that would be really stupid. I'm not. I'm not even slightly crushing on him. What it is at this point is mere curiosity. The idea of Billy as more than a friend has just recently occurred to me, and I can't help but kind of think what it would be like.

In fact, the idea doesn't even enter my mind that much until one day in P.E. class, when Billy, Irwin and I are all lining up next to each other, and Mindy comes up and starts looking at us and laughing. I hate it when she does that, because she'll be staring at me and giggling, and that whole time I'm standing there I'll just be wondering what the heck she thinks she's laughing about, and I'll get really ticked off. So I do get ticked off, and I ask her what the heck she thinks she's laughing about.

"Mandy," she says, still giggling. "I must say. You sure do have.... an interesting taste in boys."

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"Well, I simply must say." By the way, that's her new thing, saying "I must say" over and over. It makes her feel upscale. "My boyfriend is a lot more handsome and smart than yours. He can do anything, I must say."

"Oh. Well, that's great for—wait, did you just say...?"

"How do you even kiss him, huh? You must have to strap his big old nose to his forehead with duct tape just so you can reach!"

"Wait, you think... Billy is my...?"

She snickers again. "Don't even try to hide it, lewwser. You two always go, like, everywhere together. You're, like, joined at the hip, or whatever." She smiles. "And a little bird told me that you two sleep over at each other's houses all the time."

She giggles as if that's supposed to mean something. I just groan. Ever since we started junior high, Mindy's just gotten worse; her jeering has only heightened since that fateful day in sixth grade when we all went to health class and learned The Unspeakable Truth.

Basically all she talks about now is who's doing what with whom, and where she thought she saw What's-Her-Face going with What's-His-Name, and how she's sure she saw Alison and Jason behind the drugstore doing—gasp—things (wink-wink-nudge-nudge-cough-cough). She's kept it up all the way into eighth grade, and it doesn't look like she'll stop anytime soon. Anyway, it's completely stupid.

Mindy doesn't seem to realize how dumb she looks as she's walking away laughing, but I feel a little strange. She thinks Billy is my... boyfriend?

Usually I don't think anything of what Mindy says, but it's different with this. You know how if you've been thinking about something uncomfortable, then anyone bringing it up makes you nervous? Well, like I said, I've already let the notion cross my mind a couple times, and so Mindy's mentioning of it makes it resurface again, only more so.

All of a sudden, what started as a perfectly normal day is filled with distracting thoughts and even a little nervousness. I mean, what makes her think we're a couple? Is it because I've been thinking about it that I'm acting this way? I thought we were just being normal friends! What if we've been being.. too friendly this whole time and haven't known it? What if I have started liking him that way, but just haven't noticed? Is that even possible?

So, take those questions multiplied by two and a half weeks and what do you get? You get me, lying awake in bed, wondering. And of course, I can't get to sleep.