A Journal

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November 18, 2022

I'm scared. 

I'm scared about the fact that something inevitable— like death or a cancerous desease, will make me lose another family or a loved one of ours who cared for us.

I don't think kakayanin ko pang mawalan uli ng taong tinitingala bilang tagapag-alaga namin.

I lost my beloved mother because of cancer. I lost a father because he ruined my life and tainted my soul. 

Kaya natatakot ako sa time na mawawalan ako ng taong tumatayong magulang sa amin ngayon.

I am so glad and grateful for having Tito and Tita. They treat as though we are really a family and we are. Bihira lang din kasi 'yong mga taong willing at masayang alagaan mga bata na di naman talga nila anak.

I've never felt as though iba kaming tao or hindi kami belong dito. Mahirap makitira,yes. Pero mabait talaga sila at may sincere na concern. 

I don't know kung takot lang ba akong mawalan ng mag-aalaga sa amin o sadayang ayokong maramdamang para na naman kaming ampon na hindi fit in. 

Although hanggang ngayon naman alam ko pa ring pabigat ako at responsibilidad. Isang obligasayon. 

If I'm being honest, I want parents back. Hindi, si Mama lang. I don't think gusto ko pang buimalik ama ko. But I wish he is doing better. 

Sometimes I wish...nakalimutan ko na.

I hope makasama pa namin sila Tito at Tita nang mas matagal. Please  God. I hope you'll grant us that. Kasi babawi pa ako sa kanila.

Kung buhay lang din si Mama at matino ama ko, sila sana 'yong taong tatamasa ng success na gusto kong maranasan nila.