Why Me (A GirlxGirl)

Mom?.....

I get home exhausted, like usual, but the house seemed empty, silent and bad vibes were coming from every direction. "Mom," I yell thinking of were she possibly is.
I call again and again nothing, just silence. I know she is home, her car is here. I get anxiety and sprint to the den, no one I run to her bedroom, nothing. I stand feeling horrible for what I said to her earlier. "I hate you," the words rang through my ears, the last thing I have told her.
I creep farther into her room, my eyes examine every corner, just looking for a sign. A note, my eyes dart over to a note taped on her closet door. I walk over quietly to the closed closet door. I grab the note hastily from the wooden door, tears began to fall as I read the words written in her beautiful hand writing.

" Dear whoever may be reading ,
I find I have no worth in this world any longer. I have failed as a mother and wife. I couldn't take the stress anymore. Tenshi, if you are reading this, I need you to know something I have always been hiding from you. I never loved you, especially now, I'm dead and now you will suffer.
So long and goodnight."

I drop to the floor, unwilling to open the door, but I find the strength to do it. Knock, knock, someone was at the door I stay low. I don't want anyone to see me, no one to see the failure I am. The knocking on the door goes away.
I slowly reach for the door knob and twist it slowly, preparing myself. My small rainfall of tears turn into a waterfall as I stand looking at what used to be my mother. A mutilated body laid there on the ground, brains splat on the wall, blood everywhere, and the pistol that took the shot. I grab the pistol knowing what I must do.
I take the hand gun and press it next to my head. I hear a click, but it is not from the gun. Next thing I know Lilac is in my house, with the pistol in her. "No, please. Don't do this," she throws the pistol on the ground, her comforting tone confuses me.