Signing off- Hawks angst

27 days

Dear diary,

I somehow managed to fuck up pretty badly. Like really bad.

I sent some of my sidekicks and sidekicks on a mission to defeat and capture Chainsaw, a dangerous mutant type rising villain. But I didn't think about it enough and I didn't do enough research into this villain. I was an idiot and sent mostly elementalists as they are the most common type quirk, completely forgetting the quirk type triangle.

Elementalist beats emitter, emitter beats mutant, mutant beats elementalist.

They're all dead.

7 of the people I was suppose to protect.

I was in the heroes common room just collecting some files when I got the news, my 2nd in command Bubble had radioed me as she and the others were fighting Chainsaw.

And I could hear all of their screams.

I could hear as they were completely sliced into pieces.

I couldn't even do anything.

I wasn't at my headquarters so I couldn't see their location without hanging up on Bubble and they didn't even know where they were. Just that they were down some alleyway.

I just kept yelling for Bubble to get the others, I kept yelling for them to "get out of there" and to "screw the mission just get out of there alive". 

My mask slipped and you could see and hear the panic and sadness in my voice.

The other pros in the common room came to my aid quickly, demanding to know what was wrong and they were all quite surprised to see me show this much panic.

It only got worse when Bubble got attacked.

The villain attacked her and she got cut off mid sentence, her breathing went deathly quiet and I just kept yelling her name. The second that had happened I sprinted over to the tech room adjacent to the common room, literally shoving the hero who was manning it out the way as I frantically pulled up the conditions of my interns. 

For those that don't know, the screen in there tells us whether a hero is unconscious, injured, unable to fight, critically injured, or dead. It'll flash up if a heroes condition changes or you can just search for a hero. Not that its like anyone would read my diary anyways but oh well.

The second I saw the number of dead interns, the second I saw that Bubble was critically injured and unable to fight... I just froze.

I don't even remember exactly what happened.

I just remember my body no longer being able to move and my mind just became both blank and in overdrive.

Next thing I knew I was sat on the floor with Eraserhead kneeling in front of me telling me to breath.

I must have had another fucking panic attack or something. 

In front of the ungodly amount of pros who had appeared in the room.

Of course the second I regestured what was happening I literally flew out the door and out the window, climbing into the clouds as quickly as possible, ignoring the shouts from the pros. I went straight to my apartment and I kinda had another big breakdown the second I landed, all the while my phone was blowing up with calls and messages. Thank god none of the pros know where i live

Soooo... yeah today hasn't been great to say the least, but i cant let the other pros worry! This is something i need to deal with, I'm not exactly important enough for them to waste time on...

This was all my fault anyway.

Night, Keigo Takami, Hawks