F.U.K.Y.O.U.

Chapter 18

Malik

"You sure we ain't finna get ourselves killed dawg?" I chuckled at Jermaine's words as we walked up to Amara's door.

"Bro, this Amara we talking about."

"Exactly, dawg. It's Amara." I looked at him just as I was about to knock on her door.

"Shit, you right." I mumbled, looking at my hand that I still have to wrap up. "If she swing, just bob and weave."

"Bet." He knocked on the door. A few seconds went by before Amara said something.

"It's open." Me and Jermaine looked at each other.

"When has she never opened the door?" I asked before opening the door.

The door swung open and I looked around before walking in. We walked into her living room where she was sitting on the couch.

"Hey." She said, looking at us.

"Wassup sis?" I said, letting my arms swing while Jermaine said hey.

"Why y'all standing like that? Come sit down, the fuck?" She said as she patted beside her.

"Where's ya boy?" I asked. Me and Jermaine sat on both sides of her.

"Went to go hang with King." She said and everything went silent.

"Why Malik?" I looked at her in confusion.

"Why what?"

"Why did you stay in it?" Her and Jermaine were both staring at me. I guess he's been wanting an answer to this as well.

"I needed quick money."

"Lie." She said, crossing her arms. "I need the truth."

I looked between the two, not knowing if I wanted to answer the question. Not because of the answer, but I didn't know what the reaction would be.

"You wanted to make sure me and Jermaine would forever be straight because you know mom and dad would." She said. Jermaine sat up, crossing his arms.

"And you got back in because you wanted to protect your brother." She looked at Jermaine.

The room went silent once again.

"God, I don't understand." She whispered. "I'm trying to but I can't."

"You and Jermaine have always been my first priority, Amara." I started. "I wanted to do what I could to make sure that y'all would never want or need for anything."

"I love you for that, Malik. We not kids anymore." She stated, covering her face.

"You wanted to make sure we were straight, but what about you, dawg?" Jermaine said.

"Imma always be straight."

"And how do you know that?"

"Because as long as y'all are good, that's all I'll ever need."

"Goddamn it, Malik, but it's not okay. I'm not okay!" Amara said, standing up.

"What are you-"

"Have y'all ever thought for once how this could affect the people around you? How this would affect me? I mean damn." She said, holding her face in her hands.

"Before me and Jermaine got in the business with you, I stayed up every night praying that God brings you back safely. Praying that one day you'll have what you need to leave all of this alone."

"I cried almost every night when you didn't make it in at your usual time, thinking the worst could've possibly happened. Then Jermaine got in it with you and I could barely get any sleep at night."

"I-" her voice cracked before she cleared her throat. "I stayed up all night last night crying my eyes out. Malik, Jermaine, I actually thought you were dead when I saw that car blow up a few years ago. Y'all knew otherwise, but I didn't. I went weeks, months without y'all and that was the worst feeling I had ever felt. Ever."

Jermaine had started walking around the room with his hands in his pockets, listening to every word she was saying.

"I'm scared." She sighed out, before she started crying, making me stand up. Shit.

"I'm scared that one day, I'll be expecting a call from you and I won't get it. That one day, I'll have to bury the two people that has a place in my heart that no one can touch."

"I can't lose y'all again, man. I don't wanna stay up all night wondering why y'all haven't texted me back. I want to know. I want to know that y'all are just asleep and haven't been caught up in anything. I love y'all, dawg." She said, still crying between her words.

I walked over to her and pulled her into me, wrapping my arms around her while she cried on my shoulder. I looked to Jermaine who was tryna hold his own tears in cause if it's one thing he hates, he hates seeing her cry. Hell, I hate seeing her cry.

"Amara, I'm sorry." I started as I rubbed her hair. "I'm so fucking sorry, bruh. I always thought that if I did what I had to do, y'all would be okay. I never thought about the effect from it. I never thought about how fucked up our mindset could be after everything."

"Sometimes, I feel like a fucking burden to you." I looked at Amara, confused as to why she would think that.

"She's not lying." I turned to Jermaine, who was turning a key in his hand. "You did everything you did for us. I always thought that if I wasn't here, you wouldn't have to work as hard as you do."

"Jermaine, wha?" I tried to talk but not could come out. What the fuck?

"I always thought you just needed fast money, but you really just wanted to be there for us. You do realize that if something was to happen to you, we wouldn't be able to live with ourselves. Hell, I wouldn't be able to live with myself ." Jermaine sniffed before walking over to us.

"You're literally the best father figure anybody could ever ask for, Le. I wouldn't trade you in for shit." He said, crossing his arms. "But if it's something that me and Amara want? We want our brother to always be with us. Always."

"That's why we argue with you when you do stuff like this." Amara mumbled.

"That's why I got back in with you. To make sure you were always protected. Cause we need you here." Jermaine responded, pulling his hood over his head.

I pulled him into a tight hug, trying to hold myself together.

My heart was fucking shattered, especially when Jermaine started to cry too. If it's one thing I've rarely seen since we've gotten older, it's Jermaine crying.

"I hear y'all man. See?" I looked between the two of them. "I hear y'all, I swear to God I do."

I actually was finally hearing them. It took us to actually talk about it and not just them agreeing with what I was doing. We actually talked about how they felt. Now I'm listening.

Malik gonna make everything right, believe that.