Love Me When I'm Unlovable

Chapter 7: Rita

Three days. Three days I was suspended. Three Mrs. Corbin stayed home with me and made me do LeAnna's share of chores, read the Bible with her, and help her cook meals. I wanted to scream. If I knew getting suspended would result in this, I would've put up more of a fight when they suspended me. Maybe even shed a few tears. But now I was stuck doing chores and reading out of a book that's even more dull than my history textbook. And my history textbook was seriously made to bore.

All because Fiona Fielding couldn't keep out of my business.

It was the end of the third day when LeAnna came home, her face shining. "School was awesome!" She grins at Mrs. and Mr. Corbin.

"That's great!" Mrs. Corbin says, reaching out to hug LeAnna.

See, that's the thing about being a foster kid. People expect you to be grateful to the family for taking you in and be super nice to them and crap. But how are you supposed to do that when you're staring at their amazing family and are reminded of what you lost daily? My parents are dead, my sister is gone, and I don't know where my brother is. And I'm staring at LeAnna's amazing parents, watching them embrace her. It made me want to tear out my hair and punch something.

"Oh, Rita," LeAnna says. I snap my head up. I'm not  listening to anything she has said. "I have your homework assignments." She smiles and hands me a pile of papers.

I curl up my lip at them. "Oh. Gee, thanks. You shouldn't have."

LeAnna smiles again and turns back to her parents, talking a mile a minute about the play she auditioned for. As if I care.

I get up and silently slip out, hoping no one notices. Surprise, surprise, they don't. I walk into my room and toss the pile of papers on top of all of my other assignments. I haven't bothered to get any of them done. I'm probably going to end up expelled by the end of the year, so what's the point?

People ask me what I want to be when I grow up, and I say doctor, because I love the look on their faces when they see my report card. It's mostly A's and B's when I try. I just don't usually try. Like right now.

"Hey," LeAnna says.

I look up from my white fluffy pillow. "What?"

"I just wanted to let you know that if you need help with homework I'm here," LeAnna casts a glance at the enormous pile of papers. "Or, you know, if you ever want to decorate your room." LeAnna stares at the unopened bags under my desk. "Or if you just want to hang out. I just wanted you to know-"

"You're open," I finish.

LeAnna nods. "Yeah."

"Yeah," I reply. "I'm good." I turn my back to her, fidgeting with the little pieces of fluff on my pillow.

"Um," I hear LeAnna stammer. "Uh. Okay. Well, if you ever need anything-"

"Please get out," I say sharply.

"Right," LeAnna mutters.

I roll onto my back and stare at my black ceiling. I hate this. I hate feeling like this. Like I'm stuck in this cycle of foster families. But I'll have to deal with the cycle until I age out. Then I'm on my own. I take a deep breath in and out. The words leave echoes in my mind. Then I'm on my own.

The next morning: school. I wanted to just stay in bed and refuse to get up, and in a lot of other families I could get away with that. With this family, I'd end up sopping wet and cold.

So I drag  myself out of bed and force myself to get dressed. Ripped jeans and black t-shirt. Jean jacket over that. Everything I'm wearing is new from the mall. For once, the clothes I'm wearing fit me. I run a hand through my hair that hasn't been washed in over a week. I don't shower. I sit on the counter in the bathroom, humming to myself and messing with the various soaps while the water runs.