Mission: Not Falling In Love With Him

Mission: Not Falling In Love With Him (23)

Yeah yeah just get to it... read..love ...eat...listen to music and blah blah

lateeeehh! VOTE COMMENT READ!!!

***********************

Mission: Not Falling In Love With Him (23)

I knew it would be hard to go back to school. News had been flying around about what happened, and what I did, and people were either excited or scared of me now. The ones that worried me were the ones that were excited because they just got all on my face, and now I have zero tolerance to closeness. My dad is the only one who gets close enough to me and I flinch whenever he gets too close. I just can’t deal with anyone.

It been two weeks since I got back, and Logan hasn’t returned any of my calls. I gave up on trying to find him.

So the first day back to school everyone was waiting for me, it seemed. As soon as I stepped off my car I was surrounded by faces asking a thousand things all at once. I had about a second of pure shock before I felt the need to start chocking some of them to get them off me. Luckily, I had enough time to realize that would have been about the worse idea ever. So I clenched my fists and jaw and closed my eyes pushing my way through people.

Stupid voices were just getting more annoying and just when I was about to scream, tiny hands pulled me away while another person got between me and the little crowd. I was about to shake those off when I came face to face with Shanon.

“It’s ok, just breathe.” She said hauling me away, and I was about to cry.  I felt the need o just run away but that wasn’t like me. I never ran away from anything and I wasn’t going to start now. “How are you feeling girl?” Shanon asked me placing a hand on my shoulder which I shrugged instantly. She looked hurt but I tried to give her a smile. She pulled me to a bathroom and locked the door.

“Sorry,” I said. “Just don’t touch me, I still can’t…” I shook my head in shame. He sighed and hoped on the sink.

“I get it. Though, that will only make this harder, you know.”

“I know. It’s bad as it is.” I walked slowly and hoped on the sink counter next to her. “I feel…as if I was going to explode.” I started. I wasn’t one to wear my feelings out in the open. I had no idea why I even said it, but I felt I owed Shanon that much. “I don’t know what I’ll do, and I just can’t wait until schools over, and Logan’s been a no show. By this point I don’t even care anymore.” I shook my head and sighed.

“Why is Logan so important?” Shanon asked hesitantly.

“Because all this mess is because of him.” I said in an obvious tone. “I don’t know. He was there, I like to think he’ll get it, but…I don’t think so.” I said. I felt the tears threatening to escape again but this time I just shut them off and breathed. I was mad that I would want to cry. There was no reason.

So I hoped off the counter. “I’m done talking.” I stated and walked away.

Shanon didn’t follow me which was kind of a blessing, and the few times I saw Ryan on the halls he simply smiled sadly or nodded. We didn’t talk anymore. After that day I took off with Shane, he went by my house but I had been such a mess that he didn’t really say anything. He’d just stayed with me and tried soothing me through the tears. He had stayed with me and every second, though I had wanted to pull apart from his touch –from any one’s really—I had stayed there allowing myself to cried like I had never done it before. I had fallen asleep in his arms, exhausted by the tears.

He’d left me a note saying he loved me, and good bye. At the moment I didn’t get it, but after three days with no contact I got it. That was as much of a break-up as he was willing to do. Knowing him, he wasn’t ready to face me and I didn’t blame him. I wouldn’t have been if it were reversed. I knew I was a mess.

Classes were dull. No one dared speak to me because either Shanon started barking them off or Chase did. He stuck around, just like Shanon, shielding me away from everyone, and never asking anything. He knew me enough to realize that it’d just hurt me more than it’d help me.

When I got home, I was alone. Dad was working, so was mom, and Shane seemed to not be home. He had stayed all this time, the longest since Sarah had been killed. He was always around me. I didn’t need that much care but it was nice knowing he cared that much. Mark, his friend had stopped by twice, and was looking much better now.

There was a message in the machine, which I hit play as I entered the kitchen.

“This is Tamara Johns from the deputy office calling to say your appearance in the Amanda Halt trial is scheduled for this Friday, if you could…” I stopped listening at the same time I vision blurred and my legs gave out from under me.   

The first thing I felt was a major throbbing in my head. I groaned and tried getting up, but I was rushed back down. The voice talking was muffled to the point I didn’t get a word. I opened my eyes focusing on the one that was in front of me. And I found Shane looking down with concern. He said something I didn’t catch.

“What?” I crooked sitting up.

This time he did help me. “I said take it easy, sis. What happened?” he said next to me and handed a glass of water.

I thought about it but came up short, so I shrugged and drank.

“Was someone here?” Shane asked tensing up.

“No,” of that I was sure. “It was just me, I—” the message. “There was a message on the machine, and I heard…” I couldn’t finish. My throat locked up.

“So you know?” he asked sadly. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t—“

“Oh, I will.” I said defiantly. “It just caught me off guard, but I’ll do it. I promised.” It slipped off before I could stop it. Damn, I shouldn’t have said that.

“Promised?” he asked tentatively, harsher that I would have expected. “Promised who?”

I sighed. “Amanda.” I looked up to his eyes to see the same rage filled eyes and protectiveness that came whenever he thought of her. “I promised her I’d be there to send her to jail forever and make sure she was reminded constantly of what she did. I promised I’d never leave her alone.”

He stared at me in shock, the confusion, and the he just stared. For a long time that was. And I just stared back. “Why?”

“Because she deserves to pay.” I stated.

“Terrorist do, too.”

“And that is why they are wanted in the countries they’ve attacked. I’m not doing anything wrong, Shane.” I said.

“Not now,” he protested. “But I know you. You’ll get obsessed and you’ll end up hurting yourself. You’ll lose it.”

“Lose what?” I snorted. “What else can I lose? My life’s the only thing missing to lose by now.” I have hysterical chuckle. Shane didn’t laugh, he stared at me.

“Exactly.” He said, at last. I sobered up and looked at him.

“I’ll put her to jail, Shane. You can’t stop me.” I grabbed his hands.

“And in that note, I won’t stop you. But I don’t want to think what will happen to you in the process.” Here was my brother, that’d suffer more than I had, begging me to stay put.

“I love you, but I’m sorry. I’m doing this.” I said, kissed his forehead and walked up to my room. I knew I had to do it. For the first time in a little more than a week I felt that ache again. I needed to talk to someone. I need to talk to Logan.

I picked my phone from my pocket and texted him.

“Amanda’s trial is this Friday. I could really use you there."

I sighed and plopped myself in the bed. You can do this, I told myself, You will do this and nothing will happen to you…

I hope.