Dark Side of the Moon

Chapter Seven: Sleep pretty darling, do not cry

She was so tired of the fear.

It kept coming in waves, crashing over her during the most innocuous moments - a birthday party, traveling back to school. The cold panic would seize her, and it was all she could manage to just breathe through it until it subsided, leaving her weak and shaking.

This wasn't the kind of life she wanted to live.

As Hermione left the Great Hall after the start-of-term feast, she skated her fingers over a gash in the stone wall that hadn't yet been patched, swearing she could feel remnants of heat emanating from it from the spell that had caused it. She lagged further and further behind the group she'd exited with, which included Neville, Luna, and Ginny, the latter of whom kept on glancing back at her as if to check if she was alright.

She wasn't. But she would be, she was determined of that.

She decided that this year would be one of getting over - not just over the pain that she was still finding herself sinking into, but also over the previous perceptions of her life and herself. This year would be different. She wouldn't actually be in danger, didn't have to expect that something bad would happen before she left school. She could just...be. And figure out what that meant.

Hermione sighed, thinking that would probably require her to at least attempt to utilize the counselor that McGonagall had shipped in from America. She was still skeptical of the whole situation - she'd never heard of anyone who had doubled up on both a Muggle and wizarding education. It was a fascinating prospect, and she respected this Dr. Wendt for the undertaking. But Hermione was still fearful that, no matter what the doctor did or said, she wouldn't be able to help her. In the end, maybe Hermione was the only one who could do it for herself.

As she contemplated all of these weighty possibilities, Hermione spotted Remus Lupin striding toward the front doors of the castle, his cloak fluttering behind him. He looked tired, but when he saw her, he shot her a small wave and a smile. She absently touched the necklace clasped around her throat, the one he had given her just the evening before. Its warm weight was comforting, and she spun the small hourglass between her fingers as she watched the older man navigate between groups of students crowding the hallway. Firelight glanced off of his scarred cheekbones and flashed in his earthy green eyes, and in those glowing embers she felt deep within her chest a comfort that reassured her that she would get through all of this, even if it took all year. When she looked at the Professor, she felt strong enough to come out on the other side healed.

Of course, she didn't know how exactly to deal with that feeling, but at least it was a comforting one.

Lupin exited the building and Hermione quickened her pace to catch up with the Gryffindor trio, who were already chatting excitedly about the next day's plans. Ginny smiled as Hermione rejoined them and slung an arm around her shoulders. "Hey, slowpoke," she prodded.

"Very funny," Hermione retorted.

"What's your first class tomorrow?" asked Neville, raking his fingers through his shaggy hair. The boy had thinned out even more over the summer, and with the puppy fat fully lost from his cheeks Hermione recognized with slight surprise that he was really becoming the man that was always underneath. Perhaps the confidence of being a Horcrux-slayer didn't hurt, either. She missed the baby-faced Neville a little bit, but it was nice to see him looking so sure of himself.

"Hrmm, Potions, I think," she replied. "And then...Defense Against the Dark Arts." Her stomach flipped.

"Could you believe Lupin is back?? I had no idea!" said Ginny. "He was with us all summer and never even mentioned it."

"Yeah, right," Hermione said, absently.

"I for one am looking forward to it," said Luna airily. "Werewolves are said to have different kinds of magic that mere wizards aren't capable of, you know."