Reconnection

News

Ivan's Pov

"Ivan we have to go now."

"No, no I don't want to."

"Ivan he's not here ok. He's not here we have to go."

Looking through drawers I find his cologne's and a picture of him. I stuff those two in my pocket. Heading to his closet, I find the jacket he gave me.

"Ivan."

"Ok, I get it let me just put this on."

"Ivan why are you taking things?"

"He gave this to me when I invited him to the drive end. Even back then when I was just messing with him he was still kind and helpful. Even though I'm pretty sure I was probably killing him."

"Ivan it's not your fault. He moved for a new start, ok."

"He wouldn't need a new start if I hadn't told him all that shit. Fuck!"

She puts her hand on my shoulder rubbing it.

"We'll get him back ok. We'll find him and get him back."

I sob into her shoulder.

"Why did I have a mess up?"

"You were hurting. It's natural to hurt others while you're hurt. Even if they are trying to help. It's just what we do."

"Isa you don't know what I told him. You didn't see the look on his face. You didn't. you."

"Shh. It'll all be ok. You're going to get your self together and then we're going to walk out of here with our heads up high. Then when we get home we are going to let it all out after you listen to what he told you."

"Can we take the bedspread?"

"Why?"

"It smells like him."

"Yeah, we can, but nothing else after this ok."

"Fine"

Pulling his comforter around me. Letting his smell get in my system, making me cozy.

We got in the car not saying anything. I just let his smell keep me warm and safe. While Isa looks at me from time to time, with sympathy in her eyes.

When we arrived, she showed me to my room. Opening a drawer with my phone in it.

I feel like I'm a child getting a present, but then being met by bad news.

"I'm going to leave when you're done come get me."

I just nodded seeing the message I have. Patrick my sweet, sweet Patrick. Beautiful and kind human being. He looks so happy in this picture.

I open my message and hear his voice, sighing to the sound of it.

'Hi my love."

He still loves me. What's happening what's going on.

'If Isa's as good of a friend as I think she is. You should be getting this after getting home from the hospital, from my house. Hopefully you took that pink jacket I left you. I was just going to put a note in there and leave it on your new bed, but I'd thought better and just send you a voice message. I know you're probably confused, but I had to go. Even as much as I don't want to I keep getting told I need to leave. To give you space, so I'm leaving. I'm not happy about it, but I think if I don't we will never work... ever. *Sniff and sigh. Ivan you're my first love hell probably my soulmate, but all we keep doing is hurting each other. One of us needs to go so when we meet again we can be better next time. I refuse to believe that we will never be together again even if you want to or it's for the best. Especially knowing I was the name you had on your lips when you first woke up. I'm sure you're not happy with me leaving or at least I hope your not, but I think we've come to the saying in our lives ' if you love someone enough you'll let them go.'  So it's time I let you go. I'll give you some answers on how I came to this conclusion. Ivan when you told me I couldn't live without you it hurt, but I think we need to make it reality we need time apart. I don't want to be without you like I told you back then, but we have to. It's just not working. You hurt too much which makes me hurt. None of this is your fault, I'm not blaming you it's just the truth. We keep hurting each other on accident and I don't know how many more times we can do it until one of us breaks. Ok, I'm going to wrap it up before I convince myself to stay. Ivan you will always be my one true love always. We will be together again, but until then we need to learn to grow to experience. Hell I thought I'd experienced enough, but apparently not. Hehe. Anyhow you might think this is stupid or maybe your happy I'm leaving. Well if you're happy with that you might also be happy with this. When I say I'm leaving I don't just mean I'm leaving I also mean I'm cutting you off. I've most likely already blocked you on everything. If you're not happy about this I'm sorry, but I've been told I need to disappear from your life. She probably meant forever, but I'm only going to do it for as long as I think is humanly Possible. I refuse to believe we can stay apart forever even if you want to. At some point I'm sure I'll come blasting through your life and it'll be like I never left. Maybe by then we would have grown and learned. Maybe the problem was we fell in love to young. Anyhow I'll end with this. It'll be a bit till we see each other again so remember I'm in love with you. I love. I love you so, so, so much much. Probably too much if that's even a thing. Goodbye my love you will forever be in my heart, mind, and soul no matter what happens.

I'm crying by the time he's done. I look through social media and he's blocked me. He blocked me on everything.

I feel like my heart's about to break. I remember that conversation he mentioned and also remember that he said I don't get to decide for both of us. This is him deciding for both of us. How could he believe anything I had said or anyone else for that matter?

"I don't know mi amor."

"I thought you left."

"I did. Then I heard you sobbing so I came over."

"Isa I have to find him I have to apologize. You have to help me. Please Isa please."

"I'll help you. It might take a bit since he left a week ago."

How could Patrick leave. Wait a week?

"A week? Isa I've been awake for about three weeks. He just left a week ago."

"Well, he said he wanted to make sure you were ok. I didn't know he was leaving until the last day. I just thought that it was his sister's."

"You told me they waited, because Patrick wanted to make sure I was ok."

"Well they did and then they left without him, so I just figured he was staying, but then I saw he had packed his bags last Saturday. That's when he told me he was leaving. Before you yell I did try to make him stay, but he said you were just high. He didn't believe me I even tried to get him to come to the hospital, but he said he didn't want to cause you any more pain. I'm sorry Ivan I tried. Ok."

I was back in silent tears this time, because I couldn't be mad at her for my doing. I did this I drove him away.

But it doesn't matter, because I'm going to get him back.