Catch Me

•How Dare You•

I double check my belt as the light above me says to have it buckled up. I look at my father by his small coffee table and his calm face as my palms are sweaty and my heart is beating like crazy.

I hate flying... Doesn't matter how many times I've done it, how many planes I've been in, I hate these things.

'Elia, everything is going to be alright.' He gives me assuring nod but it doesn't help.

I put my earphones in and start playing my favourite music as I can feel this box of metal moving.

Well the only thing that helps me is that we're in my father's private jet so it's not as big as the other planes I've been in. And I can freely walk to get something to eat or to drink any time, that's the only plus about this stupid situation.

I grab arm supports of my seat as turbulence makes this thing shake. Oh no... We're not falling, we're not falling.

I open my right eye just to check if anyone's panicking like me or is it actually safe.

I look at my dad and he's just calmly continues with his work, I look to the other side where some giant man sits and I'm pretty sure he's snoring.

Alright, maybe I am dramatic as my parents always said. Maybe I'm too dramatic sometimes but this is the situation I hate to be in.

How do they know we won't fall? How can they trust some metal machines to be in the air and people just calmly sit in them. Am I going crazy? I carefully look through the window and the second I do that regret attacks my mind.

No way we are that high and nothing's going to happen. I'm trying to push all these scary scenarios out my head but can't.

'You see, all good.' My dad says as turbulence disappears and we're just floating.

'Hate it.' I roll my eyes but I can see his smile appears.

I finally understand that panicking will not help so I try to get my mind off the flight as I continue watching Netflix.
There's forty minutes left 'till landing and I can't wait.

I open my eyes slowly as the giant is moving my shoulder to wake up.

'Miss, we're on the ground.' He says and I'm sure his voice could scare anyone.

'I'm Elia, not miss.' I roll my eyes grabbing my handbag and start looking for my backpack but he's already holding it on his shoulder. 'That's mine.' I point at the bag.

'I know.' He says almost spitting on me, alright..

Without another word we walk out and I can see my father already on his phone. Grey Range Rover is parked not far from the jet and I just head for it.

We're here.. I look through the window as we're getting closer to our beach house. Is it changed since I last was there? Will there be the same colour walls and floor as my mum had designed? What if that rotten rope is still hanging from their bedroom ceiling? My eyes pools with tears as I quietly let myself to cry. No, everything is supposed to be cleaned and no signs of that day should be left there.

I look at beautiful countryside as we almost there and my heart keeps beating faster and faster. So many pictures we've taken in those beautiful flowers, so many walks, campings and story telling evenings by the fire all around these vineyards and forest. I can't believe it's not gonna happen ever again, she will never be back and I will never hear her story how she met my dad again..

'Li, I'm gonna need to go to the city tonight, gallery needs to be checked for the last time before going for sale.' I look at him from my backseat, he's at the front in a passenger's seat but that didn't stop me from burning his existence with my eyes.

'You're selling it?' I actually can't believe his words.

'We have to.' He says very calmly, too calmly for my liking.

'How dare you? It's only been 37 days and you're already getting rid of her memories. You are so selfish, how can you sell something that's so important to her, to me?' I scream in a car but my posture stays glued to the seat. 'How dare you to do that?' I keep brushing my tears with my sleeves but it doesn't help, I hate him... I hate this feeling!

'It's impossible to have it without her, Elia.' He says in some way of anger. 'I'm not ready for life after her.' He muttered.

'Me too!' I shout at him. 'I wasn't ready to deal with her loss, I wasn't ready to loose my mother. But seems like you're very ready to get rid of her memory, you're husband of the year.' I say lacing every word with anger and sadness.

'Please, stop.. it has to be done, we can't have all of them it's too expensive. It hurts me as well but we are keeping the ones in England.'

'It was her first one.' I mumble not giving him anything else, I'm just tired from all these emotions, how can he do that?

The rest of the drive was quiet and I tried really hard to understand my father's decision but it doesn't make sense why would he close the most popular one and the very first that my mother adored so much.

I know he's hurt like me. I know he's hurting really bad but why to sell it? Why just get rid of something that meant so much to her?

'What about the paintings?' I ask when we stopped at the gate.

'Going for auction. All the money would be donated to the charity.' He answers quickly.

Hmm... So he sells everything that she loved and some of it gonna be donated? Well it's for a good cause but it's too soon. Is that why he came with me? He had it planned probably since the day we came back to England. That's insane.

Car stops and without another word or glance I grab my bags and rush inside. Tears attacking my face and I'm sure my eyes are puffy. I open the door and surprise takes over me, why is it unlocked?

'Nonna!' I almost fall but run to her as quick as I can letting my stuff fall to the ground.

'Mia Bella!' She smiles widely and hugs me so strong. 'Missed you so much.' She whispers in her thick accent and tears continues running down my face.

I missed her so much. It's been so hard not having her by my side after everything happened. She's been very important my whole life, specially when I was small and parents used to let me stay here for summers.

'I miss you too, very very much.' I whisper kissing her cheek as she starts cleaning my cheeks.

'Non piangere amore.' She whispers looking at my face with her full of worry eyes.

'We'll be ok.' I whisper not believing my words but hopefully they will come through. Maybe we will be ok one day.

Father walks in hugging nonna as well as they say their hellos and starts speaking Italian. I understand it but honestly it's so hard to speak it since usually everyone speaks in English around me.

My nonna used to live in London and she's usually speaks in English with me but Italian language is so nice and honestly, I feel like I'm missing out a lot.

'Darling, food is ready. Table is all ready.' She takes my hand bringing me to the kitchen.

Like always she has full table of dishes. My favourite focaccia with zucchini, lasagne and desserts. I could be tired, I could be in my worst feelings but my grandma's cooking is something I will always say 'yes' to.

'You didn't have to.' I smile at her and sit by the table.

Why is there six plates if it's only four of us in a house? I look around maybe I didn't see someone. But I made a huge mistake..

The second I look around the place my heart sank. Memories came rushing back and my body starts shaking. Tears are back as it falls down to the beautiful tablecloth that my nonna made herself. Vision gets blurry as memory of me screaming stays in my head and it feels like I'm reliving everything what happened that day.

'Elia, Elia!' I can hear my father's loud voice but everything slowly disappears as I loose my vision and darkness takes over me.