I'll Never Say revamped

10

A / N
Dont ask why this took so long, ok?

Warm hands brushing against skin.

Hot kisses and harsh teeth against throats.

Long fingers stretching open tight muscles

Pain. 

Pleasure. 

Shame. 

Disgust. 

Tears. 

Green eyes and sharp smiles.

A pained gasp rips through his throat as he’s thrust into consciousness, skin clammy and pale. His eyes fly open as he sits up, hand grasping his chest as it rapidly rises and falls. The contents of his dream escape him, jumbled and blurred, even mere moments after waking. For that, he's grateful. Letting those memories consume him was the last thing he wanted. Acid burns the back of his throat as the small amount of food he’d forced down earlier threatens to come back up, Tord throws his feet over the edge of the bed and quickly shuffles to their cramped bathroom. 

It’s a claustrophobic inducing metal square, barely enough room for him to stand between the toilet bowl and steel sink. He doesn’t particularly care, because really the fact they have even this is a miracle. Instead of focusing on how trapped the room makes him feel, Tord stares into the shitty mirror affixed to the wall above the sink, taking in his translucent skin and the nearly back bags that hang under his empty eyes. The sparse freckles splattered across his cheeks and nose are more prominent than ever. He mourns the right side of his face, scarred permanently with an ugly array of scarlet chard skin. 

Breaking away from his reflection, he twists the knob of the sink until brownish water gushes from the tap. After a minute of waiting, fresh frigid water flows from the faucet, flushing the foul liquid down the drain. He splashes his face with the icy water, chasing away the lingering panic from whatever his mind produced in his sleep. Green eyes and soft words tickle the back of his mind, memories he’d long learned to obviate beginning to surface. 

Turning off the tap, he exits the hellish bathroom and returns once more to their ever bright room. Tord crawls into the cramped bed not meant to fit 4 people, finding comfort in the warmth of his lovers, although not likely to sleep just yet. His mind, not preoccupied with much else, continues to wander back again and again to the fragmented nonsense his mind created. Some things were best left unprocessed, packed tightly in a box that could be tucked away in the far corner of his mind.    

The fear, guilt, disgust, it would consume him until there was nothing left if he thought too long about that man. About those eyes. An arm snakes around his too-thin waist, squeezing as the owner begins to stir. He glances down to find Edd’s sleep crusted eyes blearily staring up at him, a smile forming when their eyes meet. No matter what they say, he can’t comprehend how he deserves such kind souls.  Why they choose to love someone who continues to hurt them? Again and again.

“Hey,” he rasps in that deep post sleep voice that has him shivering, though the plight he battles takes away from the usual joy he experiences. Despite the storm raging inside him, Tord still smiles down at his lover, pressing a kiss against his warm skin. “You’re awake,”

“And now you’re awake too,”

“Why’re you up all alone?”

“Didn’t want to wake you, not ready to go back to sleep.” 

“Nightmare?” His silence is as much of an answer as Edd can expect from him, though the guilty way he refuses to meet his eye says everything his mouth won’t. Sitting up, the taller male pulls him against his broad chest and surrounds him with his calming presence. “Do you want to talk about it?”