Shot Throught the Heart

forty

Pain. Pain was the only thing I could think of, the only thing I could feel. It was nothing like I've ever felt before. It was coming from every part of my body. There was no escape to it, nothing I could do to avoid the feeling. I couldn't even open my eyes, or yell out for help. It was just too all consuming. Pain was the only thing I could feel for so long that I wanted to die. I just wanted it to end. This pain, it was too much. I was ready to go to not feel it anymore. I said my peace. Morgan knows how much I love her, I used my final moments to protect her from the blast. My team will get out and get home safely with all of the maps I've put together for them, they will be fine. We completed our mission here. All of the civilians in the bunker are safe and on there way to freedom. I've done my duty, I owe nothing else, I just want this pain to end, I want to be at peace.

But it didn't. The pain continued. As time went on, the searing white hot pain started to lose it's strength. There was no sense of time here, I had no way of measuring how long it has been since the blast in the plant. All I knew was that finally, there was no more pain and I could finally rest. Was this finally the end? Was I about to be reunited with my dad?

My thoughts finally drifted from just pain to what remained. I could start to feel my body again, but everything was so hazy and numb, I couldn't tell what's real. It felt like I was in a fog. But somehow, I managed to open my eyes. Everything was dark. I couldn't really move my head much but I saw someone sitting next to me. When I tried to move my arm, I realized I couldn't. As I tried again, pain broke through the fog in my head and I cried out. The person sitting in the chair snapped up to look at me. Shock was written all over there face as I tried to get my eyes focus on them.

They moved closer to me and that's when I realized it was Major Collins. Her face is wet from tears as she carefully placed her hand on my cheek. Her lips were moving but it was hard to hear what she was saying. It felt like I was underwater because I couldn't understand the words coming out of her mouth. My ears were ringing and I couldn't shake my head to try and clear it. Before I could try and put together any words she pulled my chin to focus on a piece of paper in her hands. You're in a hospital in Germany recovering. It took a little while for me to process the words that were written down. What am I doing in Germany? How did I get here? What is going on? I didn't understand, couldn't understand. All the thinking was too much for my brain and body to handle and before I knew it, I was out again.

Waking up left me with more questions then answers but I couldn't focus on them as the pain was back, overbearing and all encompassing. My thoughts went back to wanting to die. If this is going to be my new reality, I wanted it to end because I couldn't take this pain. The fog in my brain continued. Whenever I felt like I was able to get a few moments of clarity, I tried to reason with myself and said this would only be temporary. I'm in a hospital somewhere so doctors must have me hooked me up to the strongest drugs they have. Then the next thought that would come through my brain were that I couldn't feel my body. Then my thoughts would spiral from there, thinking I was now a quadriplegic or I was going to eventually wake up without limbs. All those thoughts did was make me panic and I tried to push them out of my brain as soon as they arose but it was hard as there was nothing else for me to do. I wouldn't know what actually happened until I was able to be awake for more then a few minutes.

By some miracle, eventually the fog started to lift again. This time things felt more solid, less underwater. I could feel my arms and hands. It took a little bit of trying but I was able to feel my legs and feet. That's good, at least I'm not paralyzed and I came home with all of my limbs still attached and functioning. That's when I opened my eyes again. My vision was clearer this time. Things were foggy but once I blinked a few times, I was able to take in the room. Major Collins was once again sitting in the chair next to my bed.