can i ask you a question?

7

I had no idea that the next day of our camping trip would be one of the last times I would speak with Lisa. There weren't many of us awake when I woke up the following morning. Included in that are Jisoo, Rosie, Lisa, and a few other students. We got up early so that we could see the sunrise. Although it was very cold outside, one of our instructors began distributing coffee and tea to those who were already awake. The majority of us were simply silently watching the sun slowly rise. I really wanted to talk to Lisa, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

After spending the entire morning debating whether or not to speak, I decided not to. We then ate breakfast as most students began to awaken. Then we did some activities as if we were kids on a retreat or something. In short, I couldn't really talk to Lisa all day because we were on different teams.

Finally, while we were eating our snacks while waiting for the bus, I noticed Lisa sitting at the table with her friends. The majority of them are probably napping, while others are reading or talking on their phones.

Then I told Jisoo to keep an eye on my bag because she was busy stuffing her face with food. I approach the table and take a seat across from Lisa. She has her head bowed, but her eyes are open and she is staring into the distance. I tap my finger right beside her to get her attention. Her eyes meet mine as she raises her brows to allow me to continue.

"Where's your girlfriend? Can't handle you anymore?" I inquire, thinking it's a bitchy approach, but fuck it.

"Girlfriend?" she asks, looking away from me to stare off into the distance once more.

"The transferee," I explained.

"Are you aware of Athena's name?"

"I wasn't asking," I explained.

"You kept referring to her as a transferee, but she's been here for a while now, you know?"

"I don't really care because you haven't answered my question," I explained.

"What question?" she asked, "I don't have a girlfriend, so I'm not sure who you're looking for."

"I highly doubt that the transferee is not your girlfriend."

"Well, if you don't believe me, I don't have any other answers."

"Are you just flirting with her to sleep with her like you do with me?" I ask boldly. Because of that question, she looked up at me again.

"What kind of a question is that?" she inquires.

"Isn't that your true desire?" She raises her head to look at me directly.

"I'm not sleeping with her," she stated.

"Please direct your jokes elsewhere," I scoffed.

"I'm not sure why you're asking such a question; we're not in a relationship," she explained.

"Why don't you have the courtesy to ask me out?"

"I don't want to," she almost cut my sentence short.

"Your pride is just-"

"I don't like you that way... I don't have any reason to like you that way."

My brow furrows as I stand up and walk away from her. I initially mistook my feelings back there for anger. We didn't talk for a few semesters after that camping trip. That's when I realized I wasn't angry on that particular day. I was hurt because I expected everyone to like me, and I expected her to like me.

Our final semester before our senior year. I haven't spoken to Lisa in a long time. I mean, I don't expect her to reach out first, knowing how much of a bitch I've been to everyone. I'm starting to realize that as time passes, but you can't just change in an instant, especially if you've been like that for almost the entire school year. The transferee moved out during our last year of high school. I've heard it has something to do with her parents' career. Rosie also informed me that after all of the flirting, she did turn down Lisa. She stated that if she wasn't moving out, she would have given them a chance. If she wanted to date Lisa, she could; no matter how far she travels, they can still communicate, but it's her loss.

Lisa and I only communicate about schoolwork and rarely about anything else. She is still the same, and she has never been mean to me. Even if I keep saying stupid things, she is still nice to me; the only thing she keeps is the distance between us, which I don't really like.

She has been coming to class looking tired and sleepless lately, which leads me to believe she is seeing someone else. She has plenty of time for that, especially now that we're in our final year and she's supposed to be busy.

"She probably has insomnia," Jisoo says after school in a café. Lisa goes home first, perhaps for a date, I'm not sure. Rosie stayed because we mentioned a new set of pastries that were available at this café.

With no desire to eat it, I poked the bread on my plate and muttered, "Bullshit."

"She's not dating," Rosie says as she picks up her next pastry. These two are having a great time with their food.

"You're not really convincing, Rosie," I said as I set the fork down and leaned back with my arms crossed.

"Well, I'm Lisa's best friend, so I know a lot more."

"If it's not a new fling, what's keeping her awake?" I seek clarification.

"I'm not in a position to answer, so... I'll just say it's personal and has nothing to do with a lover or insomnia," she said with a tight-lipped smile before returning to her food.