scraps

100 letters

description: in which brendon gives ryan 100 letters to try and save their relationship

year started: 2019

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LETTER 1 :

dear ryan,

i'm so sorry for our fight yesterday.

i should know how sensitive you are about your mother by now. i'm so so sorry. i love you

- bren

ryan found the first note in the bathroom of the tour bus. it was folded up and taped to the mirror. the arguing and the shouting played back in his head. brendon was a stupid, stupid boy. but ryan loves him. goddamn ryan loves him so much. ryan reads the simple words a few more times before he pockets the paper. he wipes the incoming tears before it will be too late and they escape.

he unlocked the door and then slid it open. ryan tilted his head from his hand and saw brendon. he had black bags covering his red eyes. it wasn't pretty on him. brendon had his hand on his other arm. "i'm sorry," he breathed out, "god ryan i'm so sorry. i don't know what i was thinking. i didn't know how terrible i was being. i love you and i'm sorry."

ryan gave him a sad smile as he walked over to the smaller boy, slipping his arms around his waist into an embrace.

brendon placed his head on ryan's shoulder. his tears started to stain both of their shirts. ryan kissed his head, mumbling, "i forgive you."

LETTER 2:

dear ryan,

sorry for coming in the room so late. i lost track of time. i promise i would never do that again. i love you

- bren

ryan found the second letter in his guitar case. it was messily written and it had a few tear stains on the bottom. the hotel bed was too cold that night. he shut the guitar case closed, leaving the letter inside. ryan exited the room. he tapped the first person he saw on the shoulder, "hey jon, have you seen bren?"

jon already had his bass in hand, "yeah," he said, moving a piece of shaggy brown hair from his face, "he's in the bathroom, i believe."

"thank you, jon," ryan smiled.

"no problem. oh and don't forget, we're on stage in thirty."

ryan nodded before turning around. he tried to remember the directions to the bathroom that a crew member gave him that morning. after a few twists and turns, he stopped at a door. the door's white paint was not so white anymore because of the many unrecognizable brown stains splattered across. ryan turned the rusted handle, but it was locked. he placed a knuckle to the old wood and then knocked.

"go away," brendon sputtered. the soft noise of his voice sounded like he was drinking, drinking hard. god, that thought made ryan want to fall apart.

"bren, it's me. please open up." ryan heard a few sniffles from the other side of the door. the handle jumbled in front of him. there was click from the inside.

brendon came out from the other side. ryan's big dark grey hoodie hung off from his body. they have to be on stage in twenty minutes and he still hasn't changed.

"c'mere babe," ryan said, extending his arms for a hug. brendon basically fell into ryan's arms. brendon always feels like every little bad thing he does will mess everything he loves. ryan being the main example. he's such a fuckup. he doesn't want the only person who's been there for him to leave because of his own stupidness. "i love you," ryan whispered against the many adoring fans screaming for them to be on stage.

LETTER 3: 

dear ryan,

fuck i'm sorry for screaming at you at that party. i should know by now that you'll never cheat on me. i love you.

- bren

ryan found the third letter under his pillow. the rough feeling of crinkly paper from under his palm woke him up. it was already the last day of tour. the blinds that were supposed to give the members of the band a bit of privacy and a little blockage from the sun, wasn't doing a great job. ryan squinted his eyes at the sun's rays that were hidden under the thin blue fabric.

ryan sighed. he slipped the note back under the soft pillow. he opened up the curtain to see brendon getting out of the bathroom. his eyes were red. he didn't sleep again.

"bren," ryan whispered. brendon walked over to his bunk with his head down, looking at his hands. ryan kissed his forehead and scooted all the way back to the wall. he patted to the small space that he made.

"you're not mad at me?" brendon said. his voice was small. he gulped as his big eyes looked at ryan's face.

"i'm never mad at you." ryan smiled. it was small and sad. ryan didn't lie. no matter how mad or fucked brendon gets, he'll always love him.

brendon crawled up onto his bunk, carefully so he wouldn't kick shane who's bunk was under ryan's. he layed down; his back touching his front. ryan wrapped his arms around him."please get some sleep."

ryan smelled his hair. it still smelled like lavender and flowers even though brendon probably didn't shower in two days. they intertwined their finger together.

it was silent. the only noise was their breaths meeting together and the bus humming below. the both of them didn't sleep.

LETTER 4:

dear ryan,

i made your favorite pancakes.

i know i haven't been home alot and im sorry for that. pete constantly wants new information about the next album. i don't know why he's not asking you though.

tonight we are going to cuddle up on the couch with gallons of hot chocolate while watching chick flicks. i'll promise you that.

i love you.

- bren

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currently writing a more angsty rymin vers. of this concept since i never finished this one. maybe come n find it if i ever publish it on ao3 <3