Even If You Cannot Hear My Voice, I'll Be Right Beside You (complete)

-Chapter 7-

Of course, happiness never, ever lasts forever. As long as the Capitol is still present, anyway.

The night is cold and the outside is dark when I awaken, the chilly air layering on my skin. My body jerks forward, the spasms of yet another nightmare coursing through my veins, hot and thick and overwhelming, just like the fire and sights I had seen. I was being engulfed in flame, until it all stopped and I felt dead and lightheaded. Then, the gruesome sights of Peeta being cut open, insides spilling out in a messy, bloody heap, long and silver medical instruments gleaming maliciously in harsh lighting, Snow's serpentine eyes flashing forward, the sounds of my loved ones screaming out my name like the jabberjay cloud that had swarmed me in the Quarter Quell and the stench of roses forced me to nearly scream while my eyes snap open.

I throw the suffocating covers off of me and bundle them up around Prim, who is slightly shivering. I ignore the insistent hisses of Buttercup, as I pad down the hallway, creeping down the dark bunker with my hands outstretched, to find any obstacles. I stop at the door I have become so familiar with and knock. The door opens immediately and I flinch at the speed of the door. Finnick stands there, blinking and I see the dark circles under his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I croak, eyes now trained on the floor. He ushers me in and we stand there for a moment in complete silence before he breaks it.

"What's the matter"?

"I just can't. Not anymore." The nightmares have tormented me long enough and I need sleep so I'm healthy and refreshed for the propos, but I'm growing desperate. So, so desperate. I look down and see the rope in his hand. I point to it. "Can that seriously keep you sane? How is a line of useless knots going to help"?

Finnick puts it in his pocket and steps closer to me. "Katniss"...

"Don't," I tell him, stopping his speech with a hand. "Because if I tie one more knot, I really will lose it." I'm losing control, my body is going numb and I can barely feel myself pacing around the room. Damn, I'm getting paranoid, severe anxiety soon to come, probably. "I just want to get away from all of this. The nightmares, the Capitol, Coin, everything. There's nothing to do. At least I could go out and hunt before, but not now." I groan in a low voice, rubbing my temples. Sometimes, District Thirteen is just as suffocating as the Capitol. "I want to think about nothing. Don't you want to dull the pain, just for a moment"?

"You know I'd give anything for that, but we have to stay strong. For Peeta and for Annie and for Johanna and everyone else".

I press my lips together and nod, eyes still on the ground. "You're right".

"I'm always right. That's what makes me so attractive," he brags in that silly, seductive voice. It automatically fades when he hears me sniffle. It is really more from the cold than pain, or maybe a mixture. "Oh, Katniss." He tentatively reaches his hands out to rub my arms. It's somewhat comforting, but I remain silent.

"I just want to forget, even for a second." This stops his hands and even if I'm not looking at him, I see he's thinking in the utter, contemplative silence we're in.

"There may be something, if I have your consent, of course." One finger traces downward and under my chin, tilting my face to his. Finnick's wearing a solemn expression, the most serious I've seen him at. There's pity in his eyes and he truly is beautiful. He leans down and kisses me. I'm too startled to respond and all my brain is processing is that he's a good kisser. A few seconds pass and I'm beginning to understand, yet I push him away, against my body's wishes.

I know he was desperate. That makes people do all kinds of crazy things.

"Finnick," I say, not in a cruel way, but in an understanding way.

"I know. I don't feel that way about you either. But you need this. We both need this".

I think about it. It would just be one night. One night to forget the pain, just for a sliver of a moment, like we both wanted. Finnick's hand still cups my cheek and I know that this is all up to me. I can shake my head and go back to my room and tie knots. But I'm now restless and I really miss being close to someone. Of course, I have Gale, but he makes things so difficult for me, maybe since I can't see past what I want. He wants much more than what I can give. Finnick, however, isn't expecting anything. He wants what I can give and likes me as I am now. He loves Annie and despite confusion, I do love Peeta.

I look back up at him and side a hand over the back of his neck, pulling him forward. I close my eyes and slant my lips against his, kissing him, a silent thanks circling between us. I think he's surprised, but he masks it well as he leans in and kisses me back, slower and a little bit deeper and dirtier than the first. He really is a great kisser. We're miles away from the ocean, yet he tastes like saltwater. He pulls his hand from mine a little and slips it down to curve around my hips, pulling me closer, fingertips skimming against the rough material. He swipes his tongue against my lower lip, making me moan a little. He slowly lifts me up and we crash down on the bed and he jerks the curtain shut to give us privacy.

"Are you sure about this?" he asks one more time. We look at each other.

"I'm sure." I whisper and he captures my mouth with his.