Chapter 4
Zayn
Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie. I liked the way it sounded. The way it rolled off the tongue so smoothly. I pulled my arms to the back of my head as I sunk lower into the bed. We all finished dinner and I had already taken a hot shower. I thought about it and ever since that day in the library, she’s had this weird effect on me. I’ve never had this thing with a girl before. Ever. I found it strange but exciting at the same time. But more than that I wanted to know why I couldn’t stop seeing her in my head, saying her name.. thinking about her in all. It’s insane how in a matter of one moment a person can attract you a certain way.
Did she think about me this way? Maybe I was reading too much into this. She did smile and blush so maybe she is. Back home I never had a problem with girls, in fact they threw themselves at me. All those girls were just a sexual attraction. Nothing ever meant anything, I never had a relationship before but I was knowledgeable about women. I knew what a girl wanted to hear, where and how she wanted to be touched. It was easy to see through a woman’s wants and needs. I’m what they wanted.
For some strange reason I wanted to be what Ronnie wanted. I didn't even know this girl, but I wanted to. I turned over and looked at the time. 12:05. I was tired, I've been thinking way too much about Ronnie. I just couldn't help it. My mind wandered to her every moment. I turned back and grabbed my sheet over my bare chest. I smiled as I drifted off to sleep.
...
I stood against the wall near the fountain as I watched her get her books from her locker. She looked stunning. She wore her hair in a tight ponytail, revealing all her lovely features. She was wearing a navy blue sweater that clung to her body nicely. She looked so amazing in a casual, effortless way. Girls around here had to wear pounds of make up and revealing clothing to look half as good as Ronnie. I should go up to her. I was nervous for some strange reason. I never get nervous around any girl. But Ronnie wasn't just any girl and the more I thought about her the more I realized that.
She turned her head and her eyes met mine. She gave me a smile and waved. Knots. I smiled and walked to her locker. I leaned against the locker next to hers and smiled again. "Hello, Ronnie." I tried to say with my most confident voice. She looked down and tapped her books. "Hey, Zayn. How's your research paper coming along?" she asked. "We have a research paper?" I crinkled my nose and she laughed. "You don't pay attention at all, do you?" she said, laughing. "I keep my attention on more important things." I said scanning her face. She blushed. The bell rang and she looked at the class. "I guess we should get to class." she said turning her face back to mine. "After you" I nodded. She closed her locker and we made our way to class. She sat down and and quickly got her notebook out. I slowly sat down and kept my eyes on her.
The class went on and I couldn't keep my focus on anything other than Ronnie. It was like I didn't have a care in the world if it wasn't her. The loud bell rang once again and everyone stood up. I picked up my things and so did she. I walked over and said, "See you later, Ronnie. I winked and turned to the hallway. The halls filled quickly. I looked around and saw a blonde eyeing me. She was fit but she didn't compare to Ronnie. She kept staring and I just smirked. I made my way to my next class. I could still feel the blonde's stare. I chuckled to myself.
Ronnie
Did Zayn like me? I walked outside the classroom and watched him walk down the hall. He always smiled at me and said nice things. This was unusual since over the past year I became a non-social loser. No one ever talked to me after the whole incident. Then comes this new, great looking guy who seems to interest me. Then it clicked. Of course he's talking to me, he doesn't know what happened. He didn't know how I became the laughing stock of the whole school. How one mistake ruined my whole life. I saw Roxanne and Sylvia talking and laughing. I missed them. We were three best friends that could never be separated and in an instant that all changed. How could they just leave me like that. I needed them and they were embarrassed to be my friend. It hurt the most from them. How I suddenly became nothing to them. I tear escaped and I wiped it quickly. All the memories were flooding back. I quickly walked to the bathroom and hid in the stall. I didn't leave until the hall was empty and no one was in sight. I peeked and saw no one. I walked to the mirror and looked at my red eyes. I was tired of feeling invisible. Tired of hiding from everyone and everything. Just tired.
I grabbed a paper towel and wiped my face and sniffled. I walked to my class late. I dreaded walking into the class because I knew all the attention would be directed on me. I sighed and twisted the knob.
....
I was sitting in the dark corner in the back of the library. There was close to no one here and I liked it that way. I wanted to finish my Physics homework. I pulled out my folder and took out a worksheet from today. In the corner of my eye I saw a pair of feet. I looked up and saw that goofy grin.
"Are you stalking me now" I said as I looked up. "Don't act like you don't love seeing my face around" he said with a smirk. That cocky smirk that I somewhat liked. "So now I have a conceited stalker" I said as I looked back down. He sat down next to me and took my worksheet. "Do you ever take a break from work?" He asked as his eyes scanned my paper. His eyelashes fluttered so gracefully. That was rare to find in a boy. I know girls with eyelashes that can't even compete with his. I got out of my trance and cleared my throat. "I don't have much of a life and If I want to get any scholarship I have to keep my grades high" I said. "Well Chemistry can wait" He said as he put my paper to the side of him. "It's Physics" I stated. "Whatever" He said with that cocky smirk again. I rolled my eyes. Why is he doing this to me? I awkwardly looked around and I could feel his eyes on me. I looked at him. "What, do I have something on my face?" I said as I touched my cheek. His stare got intense. "Not at all" He looked away and brought his face back to mine. "I never got your number" He said. "I don't have a phone" I said blankly. His eyes widened. I giggled. "What senior in high school doesn't have a phone?" he asked, confused. "I don't need one. It would just be a waste of money." I stated.
He laughed. "Yeah I know, what a loser" I said, nodding. "You're not a loser, just different. I like different." I blushed what seemed like the thousandth time. I can't help it around him. "And you're just a creep" I said as I laughed. I looked down and looked at my legs. I felt him staring again. What was up with him looking at me like that? I looked up at him and his eyes were darker than usual. My heart started to beat really fast and his stare was getting more and more intense. He pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear and licked his lips. Was he going to- I suddenly felt lips against mine. My eyes immediately shut and I felt something amazing. Indescribable. It felt like a hundred electrical currents running through our lips. I kissed him back and he held my chin. He pulled away slowly. My eyes were still closed. I was terrified to open them. Unsure if what just happened, really happened. I opened my eyes and he was smiling at the floor. I felt myself panicking. I bit my lip and took my stuff. Slowly standing up I tried to spit out a few words.
"I-.. um.. thanks. I have to go." I closed my eyes and held onto my things tightly. I didn't want to look back. I was scared of his reaction and I just didn't want to see his face. I could feel my lips aching for more. That made me walk faster. I ran out and slowed my pace as I got farther from the library. Did he feel what I did? I've never felt that before. Not even with him.
I touched my lips and smiled, thinking about what just happened. I could still feel his lips. Could a kiss like that really have the much of an effect on someone. What could it mean?
Then I remembered I couldn't let myself get involved again. I won't allow myself to break again. I knew how this would end and I'm not letting that happen. I don't care if that kiss felt like everything I ever wanted. If it made my heart flutter and jump like crazy. Because I knew very well feelings like this were only momentary. For me they could last a life time. I just had to stay away from Zayn. He'd move on like he planned. He will find a new girl to have some "thing" with. Then I could get over this feeling and forget about it as well. Fade into the background like always.
That's who I am. Invisible.
