Chapter 6
Ronnie
I threw my jacket on the floor and screamed. He made my blood boil! I shouldn’t have gone into that car. He thinks he has the right to call me babe and smile like the idiot that he is. I was pissed.
I need my book. I looked for my little black book. It was filled with poems, little drawings. That book was my mind. I could never let a single person lay their eyes on it. I’d have to kill them. i reached into a shelf when i saw a picture flutter down. It hit the ground so I picked it up. It was Ryan and I. I was happy in that picture. He was laughing and I was looking at him with love in my eyes. I guess that picture symbolized the relationship. I was deeply in love with him and it was all a joke to him. A stupid bet. A tear dropped down on the picture. I crumbled it up in my hand and tossed it. I saw the little book on my desk. I grabbed it and laid down on my bed. I took a deep breath and began to flip through the pages. It was as if I was reliving my life one page at a time.
There it was. May 7th, 2012. The day it happened. The day my life took a turn for the worst.
…
I saw Ryan and smiled. He looked so cute today. I just wanted to jump on him and kiss him. He was talking to his friends. I snuck behind him. I was going to wrap my arms around him when I heard his conversation. He laughed. “Well Luke and I had a bet going. How long it would take to get into her pants. It took a month.” He laughed again. “It was really easy. I just had to make her think I was in love with her and she was special. All the stupid shit” His friends were hysterical. I had tears streaming down my face.
His friends saw me and their faces went serious. Ryan turned around and saw me. Now everybody was watching. At first he looked sympathetic and regretful. He turned and saw everybody. He pulled a straight face. With a loud voice he said, “Did you really think I loved you? You were just another girl. An Easy girl. It’s pathetic how fast you gave it up.” His friends began to laugh. Soon everyone joined in. I looked around and everyone was laughing at me. “You weren’t that good” he spat. The laughing got louder. Now I was in full tears. I ran out of there. I could still hear their laughing as I ran.
After that day. I sort of lost my mind. I was determined to tell Ryan how I felt. I walked into school that next week and walked through the halls. He saw me. My anger raged out of me. Before I could open my mouth he said, “Why do you keep coming back here? I don’t want you Ronnie, I never did.” He laughed and the crowed joined in. I was losing again.
Hearing those words from the person I loved was painful and unbearing. I couldn’t take that from him. I felt weak and powerless. I ran out of the school with the intentions of never coming back. I wanted to end this humiliation and this pain. I hated myself and every thing around me.
I was going to kill myself. That night I rushed to the cabinets in my parent’s bathroom and took all the pills I could find. I walked back into my bathroom and saw a pair of scissors. I felt so ugly. I began to snip away my hair. Roughly cutting off pieces to make me look as awful as I felt. I then opened the pill bottles and swallowed a handful of different pills. I laid down and felt it immediately. My heart started pumping intensely and I blacked out.
I don’t know what happened after that. I passed out and woke up in a hospital bed.
The whole school knew what happened and they saw me as the crazy, suicidal girl. No one wanted to be seen near me. They made up all these rumors and stories. That’s when I decided that hiding would be the best option for me. So I stayed in the library. Soon people forgot about me or pretended I wasn’t there. Which was great for me.
