Ximena: A Multi Series

🧸Final Answer?

Ximena was sluggish. Today, the girls were practically dragging her out of bed.

Ember: We going to school, Auntie?

Ximena: Yes, Ember...

This fetus would not let Ximena rest yet kept her so lethargic. She was up an hour ago with bad morning sickness. She was doing all this for something she had and, quite frankly, wanted to abort. In a week, she would no longer have any of these issues. She got up and got the girls ready and they left. Once she was done dropping the girls off she went to work. Everyone around her was so friendly, smiling, and happy. Ximena gave off the facade that she was too, while on the inside so much was going on and she was struggling to cope. She had to fake like she wasn't sick, or hurt from a break up or tired. She had never been pregnant, she didn't know what to expect. She sat down at her desk. She had a photo of her and Rome together, on the beach, that made her feel disgusted to look at. She loved him so much and it was all over her face in that picture. Dumb and naïve was she looking back, how did it turn so bad so fast? She stood up and went to the bathroom to urinate, another side effect of this pregnancy. She came back ate some fruit salad and a donut, typical office food, but no coffees or other caffeinated beverages. She needed to just put her head down for a couple of minutes. The feeling of vomiting was in her chest and throat. She slowly breathed and drank some water.

Ximena: Not now... I swear...

She put her head in her palms and bounced her leg. She looked up and got back to work. A little later she had to pee again. People were probably wondering why she suddenly frequented the bathroom so much. She thought of her "condition" like contracting an uncontrollable parasite from having sex. Later, she was called as the ladies fawned over one of her coworker's 2 year old dressed as a reindeer.

Ximena: Aww, how sweet...

The photos were cute of course but they only made Ximena's decision more upsetting for her, she didn't want to think about littles right now. She felt hot in the face and clammy in the hands; vomit. She went to the restrooms. She was unsure if this was because of the pregnancy this time or her strong emotions. She sat at her desk, head down and back up. She looked at her and Rome again. This was his fault. She grabbed the picture frame and turned it around so she wouldn't have to look at his face anymore. Her phone and brain had a constant reminder of what was to happen. That damn clinic. She was just... aggravated. Aggravated with Rome, her family deaths, being pregnant, the thought of an abortion, the thought of raising another child, her intrusive thoughts, her complicated financial situation, herself... her life. How could anyone expect her to support someone else's life when her own life was on rocky terrain? Nothing she had was stable. She thought her and Rome's relationship was stable, it wasn't. She thought her mother and sister were stable in her life, they weren't. She thought her finances were stable, they weren't. She thought her mind and emotions were stable, they weren't. She thought the choice she had made was stable... it wasn't. Work was over and Ximena got in the car feeling sick and exhausted. She had an emotional breakdown. She let out a loud scream of fury with some tears. She was grieving. Again.

Ximena: AHHHH! I HATE YOU, ROME! I FUCKING HATE YOU! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! You— You ruined my life...

She placed her forehead on the steering wheel and let out all her pent up rage and heartbreak. She definitely had some PTSD from losing her mother and sister in a bad, sudden matter. Now she had lost her Rome, the love of her life, in a traumatic fashion too. None of those her choice. But to bring this baby into the world or not was a choice. The last choice she had. She thought she could just abort easily because of how Rome was treating her, and the fact she had no space or money, but that's just what it was. This baby was Rome's, the one she loved unconditionally. The one last thing, next to Ember and Skye, giving her a reason to hold onto her mental health. She sat there for a couple minutes to really let it out before sniffling and wiping her face. She picked up her phone and called the clinic.

Receptionist: Hello?

Ximena: Hi, yes, umm. I have an appointment for a pregnancy termination next week that I would like to cancel.

The worker could hear the shakiness in her voice.

Receptionist: Name and date of birth?

Ximena: Ximena Asana Drury. February 14, 1996.

Receptionist: I see you here. Am I on speaker?

Ximena: You are not.

Receptionist: Okay. Are you alone?

Ximena: Yes I am.

Receptionist: Good, are you being forced to keep or abort by anyone? By that I mean is your home life okay, are you being intimidated?

Ximena: No, I am not. It's just not the right choice for me anymore.

Receptionist: That's perfectly fine. Thank you for telling us ahead of time. We are a family planning clinic and could offer you other services. Would you like to come in for a visit and an evaluation that day with the OB?

Ximena: Yes, please...

Receptionist: Does that same day work for you?

Ximena: Yes it does...

Receptionist: I'll put in on the calendar and let the doctor know, okay?

Ximena: Yes, thank you.

Receptionist: Is this your personal phone number?

Ximena: Yes.

Receptionist: Address still the same?

Ximena: Yes.

Receptionist: Does 10:30 work?

Ximena: Yes, it does.

Receptionist: Okay! We'll call you the day before for a reminder of your appointment and we'll see you then.

Ximena: Okay, thank you so much...

Receptionist: Alright, bye bye.

*Later*

Ximena was driving home gripping her steering wheel. Eyes tearful.

Ember: You okay, Auntie?

Ximena: Yes, Sweet Girl...

Ximena was struggling and rushing to unlock the front door. Despite it being winter Ximena felt like she was sweating. She opened the door and threw her bags to the floor. She was panting while taking off her coat. She rushed to the bathroom.

Ember: You gonna make dinner, Auntie!?

Ximena: Yes!

Ember: Promise and it won't take too long?

Ximena: Yes Ember! Yes!

Ember: We want Go-gurt!

Ximena: I don't care! Take whatever you want!

Ximena couldn't have a banter with Ember right now, she was about to vomit everywhere. Ximena whimpered and slammed the bathroom door shut. She crouched over the toilet and started to throw up. This was her 2nd time today. She wiped a tear from each cheek. Nobody to hug her, rub her back, pick her up, ponytail her hair or wipe her tears. With the flush of the toilet she heard the door open. In the doorway stood Ember holding bottled water and Ritz crackers.

Ember: Here, Auntie.

Ximena grinned with happy tears welling up in her eyes. She had unconditional love and support in her life still. She wanted to sit the girls down one day for hot chocolate or take them to dinner or something like that to explain to her little girls them being big cousins/sisters and Rome wasn't going to be around anymore like he hadn't been in the last month. Ember was asking questions lately but Ximena would continue to answer those uncomfortable questions with the territory.