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I heard a vibration waking me out of my sleep. Once it when off I turned the other way, but it started again.
I just know I put my phone on 'do not disturb' last night, so whoever it is better be dying.
I lifted my head up, and the cool air hit my face, I looked down and I was previously laying on Von's chest.
He was so warm.
By this time my phone stopped ringing again, but I started back up.
I reached over grabbing my phone, "The hell do you want."
"Baby, can we talk," Bj's voice came through the phone.
I let out a dry chuckle, "You blew up my phone this early in the morning just to ask me can we talk?"
"Its 11:07 Alexus. Why you still sleep anyways," he questioned.
"I'm tired, and I don't want to talk," I told him, about to hang up.
"Don't hang up on me Lexx. Please just let me talk to you. Let me explain myself," he pleaded.
I felt tears prick my eyes. Not because of how he's been treating me lately, but he was treating me like a princess before that. The him that made me fall in love with him. I miss that part of him.
"I'll call you later. We probably won't meet today, but give me some time," I said.
"Okay, I'll take that. I love you Lexx," he said.
I hung up the phone. I do love him, but I couldn't say it back. My feelings were too hurt, they were too raw. I threw my phone down on the bed and ran my fingers through my hair.
"That was the boyfriend," Von rasped. You could tell that he just woke up.
"Yes," I stated simply.
"You gone take him back," he asked.
I tried to look at him, but I couldn't. I had to look away, "I can't answer that."
I tried to get out of the bed, but my legs failed me.
"Shit," I exclaimed once I hit the floor. I used the bed and boosted myself up.
Von just looked at me. No type of expression on his face, just blank. No laugh, not even a light smile at me falling out of the bed.
"Von look-," he cut me off.
"Nah, I get it. He was here before I was, and he hurt you but that's "your man" so you gone try to make it work," he spoke a little loudly, "Do you need a Plan B or anything?"
"No, I took one last night," I answered.
He got out of the bed, picking up all of his clothes.
"Dayvon, look at me please," I whispered but he heard me.
"I don't know if I'm going to take him back, but I need this. I know I need the closure if anything else. I loved him and he's what I'm used to. Technically me and him aren't broken up and I just cheated. Please don't think this was a mistake, I don't think it was," I expressed. I looked up and he was fully dressed.
He came and stood in front of me, "I do think this was a mistake. I was a quick and easy rebound for you. Now I feel like I took advantage of your emotions, but at the same time I don't because you didn't tell me no. I'm not going to force you into anything because you still dealing with this, but don't play with me Alexus. Figure out what you want," he kissed my forehead and walked out of my house.
I couldn't say anything. I knew he was right.
I don't blame him.
He didn't have to fuck me like that last night though. Sex with him is the definition of top tier.
Yes, I do feel guilty about it, but I'm not blaming him. It takes two.
"Hey Siri, call Bj on speaker," I called.
"Hello," he answered without even letting the first ring go through.
"You can meet me at Jesse's Diner at 2 the day after tomorrow," I told him, then I hung up. I didn't want to make the conversation last long. Or give him the chance to say "I love you" again.
I think I need to let him go, I feel stressed enough. I need to make things right with Von too.
I would be lying if I said I didn't want Von again, but not only that. I liked the friendship we had to, we probably won't go back to that, but I at least want that person wormed his way into friendship with me back.
I grabbed clothes out of my closet and went into my bathroom. I think a shower is going to help my thought process right now.
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