Careless Whisper

Epilogue

February 1997

It's the middle of the night, Harry has sneaked out of the bedroom and walked quietly into his study. He has known for months that he wants to propose to Louis and has been feverishly considering an idea ever since. It should be something special, something with meaning and tonight when Louis fell asleep in his arms and he looked at him for a long time, the idea finally came to him.

And so he's now sitting here at his desk, only the diffuse light of the small desk lamp illuminates the room and his pen literally flies over the paper.

Of course, Harry knows that gay marriage is still forbidden, but it's going to be a promise to Louis that he will marry him as soon as possible. Harry has now also joined OutRage! and he goes to every demo with Louis to still demand the same rights as for everyone else.

Now, at 26, he often looks back on the frightened Harry from back at school, and he often shudders when he thinks of how painful it must have been for Louis that Harry wasn't able to stand by him. It wasn't just his sexual interest in a girl with Amy, but also his fears led him to break up with Louis. He wanted to appear normal, even if he now knows that being queer is nothing abnormal. A lot of pain could have been spared both of them if Harry had the knowledge and confidence of today, but ultimately he doesn't want to think about the pain he caused Louis anymore and wants to make sure he's happy with him for the rest of his life.

Thoughtfully, he repeatedly taps the tip of his pen on his nose, pulls his eyebrows together in concentration and thinks about the right words.

Two hours later he's satisfied and puts down the pen. His eyes sting with fatigue as he reads it all over again and then carefully folds the sheet and places it all the way down in his drawer. He quietly goes back to his sleeping boyfriend and snuggles up to him, who hasn't noticed his absence.

The next morning, unusually, it's Louis who got up first and let Harry sleep. Then the memory comes back to him that Louis has a songwriting session away from home today and still tired he swings himself out of bed. He finds Louis in the bathroom brushing his teeth and looking so cute with the foam around his mouth. Harry kisses him on the cheek as he passes by and sits on the closed toilet and watches Louis with his morning routine.

Louis spits the toothpaste into the sink and when he has rinsed his mouth out he asks him with a sweet smile "I thought you'd never wake up. Are you alright darling? You don't usually sleep that long?"

Harry hopes he doesn't read the lie on his face, "I'm fine, it just took me a little longer to fall asleep last night. The full moon is definitely to blame for that" and Louis looks thoughtful for a moment, seems to be considering whether there was a full moon at all, but then lets the subject drop.

Harry gets his toothbrush himself but sits back down on the toilet to brush his teeth there. Louis has just started shaving his beard and Harry is immediately reminded of the 18-year-old boy who stood in front of him at the club with his youthful charm and great self-confidence. Harry was so intimidated by his instant crush and to this day he still feels a bit of embarrassment as he reflects on his clumsiness when he stumbled onto Louis and dumped him with his drink. He still wonders what Louis saw in him back then, he only sees the shy, insecure and awkward boy. But Louis was so sure right away, gave him the feeling that he was being taken seriously and that he could say anything to Louis. In hindsight, Harry knows he also loved Louis directly in that innocent teenage way. And that's why he can't wait to ask Louis. He doesn't want to wait much longer now that he has the idea and decides to ask the question of all questions when Louis gets home tonight.

Louis says goodbye to him a short time later with a long kiss and his guitar over his shoulder and when the door slams shut, Harry searches all the cupboards for tea lights and candles so that he can light up the living room tonight. When he looks at his gathering lying in front of him, he's satisfied and thinks about what he still has to do. He goes into the kitchen and chills two bottles of wine until he suddenly freezes. How could he be so stupid and forget the most important thing? A ring! He slaps his forehead with his hand and panics. He quickly looks around for his wallet and finds it in his jacket pocket which he immediately pulls over and rushes outside to catch the next tube to central London. On the way he calms down again, knowing he still has the whole day to buy a ring and decorate the apartment. Oh my God, I'm really asking Louis to be my husband tonight, Harry realizes, and can't help feeling a little nervous.