Sanity vs. Soulmate | JeongCheol x SVT

4

Easier said than done. I kept close watch on the clock above the entrance but with every passing minute my anxiety rose. To say I was nervous was the understatement of the year. I was terrified!! Jisoo has a very kind and gentle character. He would probably just hug me and welcome me back into his life with no further delay. Jihoon on the other hand would definitely react differently. The possibilities were endless. He could merely shout at me or hit my arm. But he could also outright refuse to talk to me and shut the door in my face. He could pretend he doesn't know me or he could empty a bucket of dirty water right over my head.

For a moment I thought about just visiting Jisoo but that wouldn't be fair at all. How could I justify this? Even just in front of myself? Isolating myself in order to deal with my handicap: okay. That's fine. Not a nice thing to do but at least it happened to all my friends. No exceptions. I even cut off my parents to some extent.
Just getting in contact with one of my friends though... there wasn't really an excuse for this. It's alright to start off with my closest friends and then move on to the rest of the group. But I would never forgive myself, if I'd just talked to Jisoo. No matter how much I feared the encounter with Jihoon, I was still his Hyung and I would survive somehow.

Faster than I would have liked the final hour of my shift went by and just like that I found myself in front of my workplace, my feet frozen to the ground. My heart rate quickened. I felt the blood rush through my body and yet I couldn't move. I was terrified. Absolutely terrified.
A sudden tap on my shoulder made me shriek in a probably very inhuman-like manner.
"Sorry I scared you. I called for you a few times but you didn't seem to hear me. Are you alright? You haven't moved a muscle since you left the shop."
I couldn't stop myself from grimacing. None of my coworkers knew about my deafness so it wasn't his fault. But it still hurt. I called you but you didn't seem to hear me. YES. BECAUSE I DIDN'T. THANKS FOR REMINDING ME. I CAN'T HEAR A THING OR AT LEAST I SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO.
Maybe those words were exactly what I needed: A shove in the right direction, the final straw, whatever.

I probably spaced out during my inner monologue because Hansol's gaze was full of worry. I quickly nodded my head and mumbled something along the lines "I'm fine, just lost in thoughts. No need to worry. I'll get going" before I started making my way to the train station. Don't get me wrong. Hansol is great. And it's really sweet of him to care about me. But I don't have enough energy to deal with another person today. Lip reading really isn't my forte and I'll have to do enough of this later today.

The train ride was shorter than expected, which I was thankful for! Right at the second stop a middle aged woman got on the seat next to me and her perfume threatened to suffocate me!! It was horrible. A mix of old herbs, dusted grandmas without teeth and those very sweet alcoholic drinks, that probably glue your stomach together forever. As I said: absolutely horrifying. Even facing Jihoon seemed like child's play compared to out-sitting this stink! I did try to stand by the doors and I was even willing to give up my seat in exchange for surviving lungs. But the train was way too crammed so there was no free space in the standing area. Yes, the fast arrival of the train really was my rescue. Otherwise I would have slowly turned blue and grey from holding my breath for such a long time. Until, finally, I would have drifted to a stink-free, dark and quiet place, to sleep for eternity.

Now that I'm out of that life threatening hell called train, I can focus on the problem at hand: Meeting my friends after years of silence - pun intended.
For once however I decided to stop overthinking and made my way to Jisoos house.

~

First thing I did upon arriving was checking the name on the letterbox. Hong. It was still the same. My finger was trembling as I reached for the doorbell and pressed it before I could change my mind. Fumbling with my hands I waited for the door to open. Nothing happened. I wait. And wait. And wait. Yet nothing happened. My breath quickened. No one seemed to come and open the door. But that had never been an option in my mind. Jisoo not being home. Of course it was a very likely possibility. But this scenario had never even crossed my mind. He was probably working or studying. Or he could be at his friends'. God, for all I knew he could have a boyfriend or girlfriend he was currently spending his time with! I really didn't know anything about his current life.
At last my nerves got the best of me and I turned around, speeding up until I stopped a few metres away, hands on my knees, breath heavy, heartbeat unsteady.

I hadn't noticed how tense I was until I felt my shoulders slump. I had hoped to start off... well not easy, but easier... Fate however seemed to have different plans. If I couldn't reach Jisoo first, I had to try my luck with Jihoon right away. No matter how frightening that thought was. Angry Jihoon... that wasn't fun at all.
After taking a deep breath and mentally scolding my own cowardice, I finally made my way to Jihoon's parents' home. He wouldn't outright kill me though. Right?
Even though I probably got holes in my shoes from all the feet dragging, I still reached Jihoon's home way too soon in my opinion. It was a small, creme coloured building with a squeaky blue door and two windows, making it look like something right out of a child's drawing. It was framed by two cherry trees and I remembered how beautiful it would look whenever they stood in full bloom.

My last hope of avoiding my judgement day vanished as I read the name on the letter box. Jihoon still lived here as well. I took a deep breath. And then another one, just to make sure. I was procrastinating once again but I couldn't help it. How would he react upon opening the door? Would he even recognise me? I have changed quite a bit since back then. My hair was no longer brown and neither did it reach until mid-back. I grew quite a lot in height as well. So maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't even recognise me anymore.
I couldn't tell if that would be for the better or worse...

I'm not proud of what happened next. No, I didn't run away, but something similar...