Hot Chocolate and Caroling...and other Christmas things!
Nicole thought this was going to be the best Christmas yet! This is her daughter's very first Christmas after all, and the year they get to build all of their traditions.
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Crash!
"Tommy, watch where you are going!" Henry shouts from the living room, stirring me from my sleep. James shoots up and nearly knocks the blankets off of the bed.
"What was that?" He questions, looking around the room. His chest heaves with rapid breaths.
"Easy there tiger, it was just one of the boys getting into something. Were you in the middle of a dream or something?" James turns to look at me before settling back into bed.
"Must have been, I'm not sure why that startled me so badly." He shook his head, obviously still trying to calm his breathing. "Either way, Merry Christmas, is Hazel up yet?" He turns to glance to the opposite side of the room. Hazel was sound asleep in her pack n play, all curled up like she couldn't be bothered.
"Merry Christmas to you too." I smile, cuddling even closer to James, trying to keep my voice low so I don't wake Hazel. "Yesterday's conversation was weird wasn't it?" I never got the chance to talk to James last night, by the time dinner was over, and we got all of the presents under the tree, it was time to put Hazel to bed and we were wiped out.
"Yeah, that was a little strange how they all seemed to just jump on us about having another kid wasn't it?" James wraps his arms around me, pulling me in closer to him. He kisses my forehead, and normally I'd be turned away by his morning breath, but it didn't bother me as bad this morning.
"Have you ever thought about having another kid?" I question, not sure I really wanted to open up this can of worms right now, but it felt like the perfect time to start the conversation.
"I'm not sure, I think I would like to have another one. I just don't want to go back to the sleepless nights, but also who knows what our lives are going to look like from here on out other than the fact that we are going to have each other, so it's kind of hard for me to plan anything out."
"What if I were to stay home this time?"
"You mean you want another kid, and you don't want to go back to work?" James pulls away to look at me. I could feel the shift in his demeanor. He was confused, and obviously wasn't expecting me to have that kind of response.
"I'm not saying I want one, I haven't really thought about it. But last night when everyone was talking about it, I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to stay home with another baby. I missed out on so much of Hazel's life because I was so busy working. What if that was a mistake?"
"I would never call it a mistake, you were so happy working and that was such a good thing for you. I'm more shocked you are saying you may want to just stay home than I am you saying you might want another kid."
"Well, I wouldn't just be staying home," I add.
"Yeah, that's true, a kid is a lot of work."
"No, that's not what I meant." I pause for a moment, trying to give him time to catch up. "I think I want to start my own editing business. Engage closed completely and everyone lost their jobs. I think if Sienna and I can team up we could really create a much better way of doing things. Why wouldn't it be commissioned-based? Also whose to say we couldn't work from home. Maybe once we get things rolling we can hire some of the other editors from Engage. I don't know, I've been mulling some thoughts over in my head and I really think I should go for it." I watch carefully, looking for any sign that the word vomit was too much for James. So much has changed and here I was throwing yet another curveball in his direction.
