My beloved | A reality shifting story

Chapter Four | Brief dread, lasting happiness

I became conscious, and aware that I was awake. A tidal wave of existential dread washed over me.  How early was I awake? How long until my mother would wake me up for school?

I assumed I was back in my Original Reality. I rolled over in the bed, groaning. I just didn't have the energy to deal with idiots at school. "I don't wanna get up." I mumble. A low voice chuckles from beside me. "Then don't get up yet."

A huge sigh of relief escaped my mouth as my tense body, which I hadn't noticed was tense, relaxed. I was still here. Still with Swiss. Wait. I shot up, sitting on the bed. I stared at him, blinking. I was in his bed. I slept with him. "What? Don't look at me like that! You fell asleep on my shoulder. What was I supposed to do? Carry you back to your room?"

Swiss was explaining how I ended up staying in his bed. I wasn't mad. If anything, it all just felt unreal. I smiled, giggled and settled back down, laying my head on his shoulder. I fell back asleep, not even considering the possibility of waking up in my Original Reality. As long as I kept it out of my mind, theoretically I shouldn't wake up back there. I have to have the intention to go back, right? I can't just randomly wake back up there? 

I awoke to the sound of a door opening and then quickly closing. My eyes shot open, but I didn't move. "It's okay Rain. You can come in." The shy bassist opened the door. "Dew's being...needy. Can you come out? Maybe just..socialize? Have some fun with us? We might play Mario kart later."

Me, Swiss and Rain made our way into the Ghoul's Lounge. What did we find when we opened the door? Dewdrop being the chaotic little gremlin he is. Bar of soap in hand, Dew grinned and stared directly at Aether, who looked tired. 

I smiled. Life here was great. There was always some form of entertainment, that usually included laughing. My smile dropped as soon as I saw Swiss standing behind Dew, grabbing him by the hips and pulling him closer. I knew Swiss was doing it as a joke..but..it brought back sad memories. 

My heart dropped as I saw the man I loved, the man I'd shifted realities for, whisper in the ears of another man. And while my mind knew it was just fun and games..my heart screamed. Tears flooded and clouded my vision, while my breath became erratic. Swiss didn't notice though. He was too busy flustering stupid Dewdrop. 

I stormed out of the lounge, rushing out of the manor, and into the garden. The tears flowed. I didn't want them to, but when did my emotions ever listen to me? I paid no mind to the pretty flowers and immediately went over to a dreamy willow tree, sitting with my back pressed to its trunk. 

This felt like a movie, like a far off place I could never access when I was younger. I tried to get my mind off of Swiss, but the only images circling around in my head were of him and Sodo. Him whispering in his ear..him grabbing Sodo's hips..

This only made the tears fall faster. Damnit. I underestimated how shitty shifting can feel sometimes.  It felt shitty. It felt really shitty. It felt even more worse than the time I saw my past crush from my OR, C, flirt with other girls. It hurt more than hearing C say he had a girlfriend. And I knew why it hurt more. While seeing C flirt with other girls and hearing him confess that he had a girlfriend did hurt, I knew the pain wouldn't last forever. I knew I'd get over him, (spoiler alert, I did), and it was just a petty little school crush. It didn't feel petty, in fact at the time it felt like C was my whole life and at that point everything revolved around him. Every single thought revolved around him. Just to clarify, yes, I know that was an unhealthy obsession. I chose to ignore his flaws and only look at his good qualities, which put him on some sort of toxic pedestal, leading me to believe he was superior to me. Like some sort of King. But my crush on Swiss..that was different. He didn't know it, but this man was keeping me alive. In my OR, things aren't too good. They aren't terrible, I admit that things could be worse, but it just feels like shit living there. And Ghost made everything better. Ghost took the pain away, chased the sadness and loneliness away, and lifted up my heart. Ghost also acknowledged, and helped me realized my trauma regarding religion. Hell, I loved Swiss so much that I learned how to shift realities for him. That just shows how much I love him, how willing I am to accept his flaws, how willing I am to love him for the way he is. 

He didn't know any of this, though. And he couldn't know any of it. He couldn't know that I shifted for him, that the thought of me being with him kept me alive in my OR. I'd just have to live with the fact that he'd never know how much the small things would hurt me because of my Original Reality. 

A soft hand on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see Mountain, sympathetic green eyes looking at me. I felt like a complete fool. I wiped my tears away, looking down and away from him. Mountain sat beside me. "Hey. You okay?" His voice was deep, not too deep, and soft. All I could do was slowly turn my head to look him in the eye and raise my eyebrows. "Do I look okay?"

He chuckled, which caused me to giggle too. The man just had a contagious laugh, okay? "Would you mind telling me why you're upset?" I sighed, getting ready to unload all my thoughts on him. 

"I don't like how Swiss flirts with Sodo. It's probably obvious, but I have feelings for Swiss." 

Mountain's eyes narrowed as he thought about my words.