My beloved | A reality shifting story

Chapter Six | Back to hell I went

I awoke with a smile on my face. The smile vanished immediately as soon as I saw where I was. I was back in my room in my Original Reality..my CR. I sighed, and the tears started falling. Not sad tears. Not mad tears. Happy tears. 

I sobbed, albeit silently. I don't know how long I sobbed for, but after the tears stopped running my eyes hurt. With a content sigh I laid back in my bed, staring up at my ceiling, remembering everything that just happened. At some point, I got up and checked my phone. The timing couldn't have been anymore perfect. It was 6:40, only a few minutes before I had to 'get up' for school. 

I don't know how it happened, but it felt like I blinked and now suddenly I was walking into the school yard. How did I get here? Wasn't I just in my bed? I'd have to save the mystery for later. The exciting part of today, was the fact that I get to tell my friends about my amazing experience. 

As soon as I saw my shifting friend, T get off the bus, I ran to her. A huge smile was on my face, and she immediately knew what had happened. "Did you do it? Did you shift?" Her voice was higher, showing how she was genuinely excited. "I did it!!! T I did it! I saw him!" She smiled, and for the rest of the day I told my friends all about everything. The day was a blur, regrettably. As I got home from school and opened my diary, I recalled the fresh memories I'd made. And I wrote them down. 

I was consumed with my thoughts and describing my memories in the highest detail possible, but was quickly snapped out of them when a head-splitting headache tore through my head. I sighed and rubbed my temples, the mental exhaustion settling in. I didn't think of how tolling shifting for two days could be on my mind. Just imagine how stressful and tolling shifting for a week or even a month could be? 

I then took a small break from shifting. It was only five days, but those five days were hell. I hated being away from my home, and I hated the feeling of being separated from Swiss after finally being able to be with him. After I had had enough of being away from them and after I felt like I could handle going back, I tried my method. Honestly? I didn't expect anything to come of it. I figured that my mind was still recovering from my last experience there and that I wouldn't shift. 

With a sigh, I opened my eyes. 

And I was here. I was in my DR bed. Again. I smiled, content and at peace, knowing I was back home. "I'm home." I muttered, getting out of bed and changing into my Ghoul Uniform. It was arguably very comfortable, at least for someone who couldn't freely express themselves back at 'home'. I could never truly be myself back in my CR, always had to mask who I really felt like. I made an impulse decision to tell those I loved dearly about how I felt. In this reality of course, if I had done it in my CR I probably would've died on the spot. I adjusted my uniform, making sure I looked as perfect as I possibly could. I froze, realized something, and started laughing at myself. "Wow. I'm still as insecure here as I am back there." I laughed awkwardly at myself while staring into the mirror, thinking about how I looked like a dork. 

Leaving my bathroom, I grabbed my silver mask from where it hung on the wall, my balaclava and put them on hastily. No time to waste! After all, there was no guarantee how long I'd stay this time. My heart started beating faster, causing my breathing to speed up. Why was I actually getting worked up about this? They'd accept me, right? Right? They wouldn't be like people have in the past?

I stood in front of my door, just staring at it, as if staring at the damn door would open it and make things better. I took a deep breath and collected my thoughts, putting on a smile, and leaving my room. I lingered in the hallway for a good few minutes, deciding who I should tell first. Swiss. I should tell him first. His opinion matters most. No offense to the rest of the Ghouls and Ghoulettes of course! I headed towards his room, and now found myself staring at his door. Satan what was wrong with me? Did I have a staring problem?

Taking yet another deep breath, I clenched my fist, lifted my arm, and took the leap of faith. 

Knock knock knock. 

"Shit!" Swiss exclaimed from the other side of the door as I heard a crash and bang. Soon enough, the door unlocked and creaked open to reveal Swiss, leaning on the door, trying to act all cool, calm and collected. "Heyy, what brings you here?" I looked him in the eye, smirking to mask my nervousness. His golden eyes looked uneasy, as if he was doing something he shouldn't exactly be doing. "Can I come in? We need to talk." 

His entire body tensed as he hesitated to draw a breath. Swiss narrowed his eyes, but hummed in approval and opened the door up further, allowing me to enter his room. He went over to his desk and closed a notebook that was open - interesting. What could he possibly write or draw that he thinks I shouldn't see? Swiss sat down in the chair by his desk, so I took it upon myself to sit on his bed. Swiss's golden eyes were concerned. Satan give me strength. 

"So you know how I don't use she/her pronouns?" 

His shoulders dropped. Why? Was he expecting me to say something different? Was he disappointed I was talking about this? Doubts and insecurities clouded my mind. Swiss nodded. "I..I don't identify as female anymore. Well, I actually haven't for a while but I just..was too scared to tell anyone."

Swiss stopped breathing entirely, as he just blankly stared at me. On his face was a frown.