WALK A LIFETIME IN MY SHOES 2.0

HONESTY

So, I just came from a funeral. To be honest, we say only the nice thing at our beloveds' farewells.
"They were a humble person"
"They did this and that"
When in all honesty they were 'skelems'. I mean this is the nicest way possible. I have realised that you could be the nicest person but still be the most vile of them all. I say this with confidence because that's just how I am.

A lot of people recognize me from the inspirational videos I have chosen to hide from my Instagram. Reason being that they don't really reflect who I really am. What do I mean by this you ask? Let me explain it in these few paragraphs.

Firstly, I love people. I enjoy being around people of different nature because I like learning how different humans interact. I portray myself as an open book in not so many ways and it works most of the time. I'm the guy people feel comfortable with, the guy you will spill your secrets to. As much as I'm a safe space, I'm a horrible human being. Believe me.

It has come to my attention that I may have certain attributes that help me to always get my way. Recently noticed this after an altercation with my mother, but a story for another day. Back to the point at hand.. I tend to use the innocence I portray as a weapon to gather information on everyone close to me.

I do not say don't trust me but well, don't. I spent my entire life playing the victim. In enough instances I am the victim but I over do it. For instance, I use my dead beat father as an excuse to be distant, I blame my ill actions on the fact that I never had a dad. And it has grown stale best believe but it does work. I guess in a sense I manipulate scenarios to fulfill my needs.

Just recently I had a wake up call, stop being an asshole (excuse the french) or keep being one, at the end of the day I'll slowly lose all that I hold dear to my heart. So I guess it is about time I claim responsibility.

I was aware of all of this by the time I turned 18, I'm 22 at the time of writing and I'm just playing a fool. It really isn't fair to myself to play this role. Step up man, your old, 'umdala'. So, I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you were in the wrong. If I voiced it out then you probably weren't, I just twisted it so you would feel like it.

Karma had to hit me twice. Okay I'm lying, it had to come way a few dozen times but hey, what can I say? You eat what you serve or whatever they say. I guess what I'm trying to say is that be genuine with yourself because there is no way you'll fit in this world if you don't know who the fuck you are.

It's a dog eat dog world. But it's easier not to get eaten when you have a set of morals that you do not compromise. And again, I'm no expert in these matters. I'm just a young adult trying to figure this life out.. but heed my words. They don't come from nothing.