WALK A LIFETIME IN MY SHOES 2.0

TALES

Someone once told me that love only comes once in one's life. For a few months now (at the time of writing), I have believed it to be true. Because I felt I had lost a love that was from the heavens, and that was nothing close to what is the truth.

I have claimed to love a lot of my previous partners, and I have come to realise I was not being dishonest with myself. In my 5 years in high school, I said the three words to enough girls. Not because I was just courting them, no. I really meant it. You see, I am the type of person who can not say those words unless every fibre of my being believes them. I have to know it, to the core of my soul that I really do love you for me to utter those words.

I have been torn to pieces many a time. I have rebuilt myself twice as much because you crumble the first time you try to collect yourself. I have known love so pure, so willing and so determined and all I did was fumble it. I have loved to dearly and so wholeheartedly and all I got was a heart grinded to pieces. And through all that I remained willing to let love visit, until recently.

I had let Cupid's arrow manifest within me. A love resembling poetry from Aephrodite herself. A warmth like non I had ever experienced in my years of living. Courtship so passionate, so wild and yet to soft and nurturing. Two souls meant for one another, where everything fitted together like pieces of a two piece puzzle.

I thought after losing such a love it was gates for me. That I would never in my life feel the need to find companionship. I was sunk so deep I could see the gates of hell. My heart grew so cold like the tip of Mount Everest but here I am today. Writing what I am certain is my worst chapter to date. But a chapter necessary nonetheless.

It took everything I had not to let myself crumble completely. I believe somewhere deep within the sorrow my ego kept fighting. "That's not how you go down my boy", it kept shouting underneath the rubble that was then my heart. I could not hear it at first but man was it persistent. Like a corrupt politician fighting for power, just to sit on the high chair and cause chaos.

That is exactly what happened to me. Without realising, I turned into the worst version of myself. I was ready to burn the world just so the entire existent on God's good earth could feel how torn I was. I built my walls so high the Israelites wouldn't bring them crashing down no matter how many trumpets they had and not matter how many days they marched. With all that effort to secure myself, my natural instinct wanted a companion.

So I got with someone, and then someone else. All with intentions as pure as the Maluti spring water, or so I would like to believe. What I didn't realise what how I had become a disease, spreading bitter and broken hearts like wild fire. I had not realised I was becoming exactly what I worked so hard to not be. But I guess pain was my guide and I followed every step of the way.

It is only recently when I decided to pick myself up, and I have not looked back since. I hate to say it, but it shows. I may not be ideally where I want to be, but there will always be that part of myself I lost forever, the trauma I will never forget, the hurt I will never cease to remember. At the end of the day life goes on. That is the motto I live by.

Love does not come once in a lifetime. Love visits you in different shapes and sizes. Different memories and lessons. What you know as love will change to what you perceive it to be in years to come because we're a species that evolves. Who you are today may not agree with who you will be tomorrow or who you were yesterday.

So let love visit when it does. It is the most beautiful thing when it is done right, and your intuition will definitely know when it is right.

It shouldn't matter what who did and when, what matters is how content your soul is.