The Lady

The Lady Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

TWO WEEKS LATER…

Delia Jones

Two weeks since I shut down business. Blaze was not happy about my decision but he's not the one who has a lot to lose, I am. After he called me that night to tell me about Hugo Stone I completely freaked out and stopped selling immediately. I can not afford to go to jail. What will my kids think of me? I already feel like I failed at being a wife. I cannot fail at being a mother too. I live in a white picket fence neighborhood for christ sake I'm not a drug dealer I'm a lady and mom. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm too old for this kind of rush anyway. I should just stick to what I'm good at and that is being an unemployed mother. I have enough stashed away to hold me over till I find a job. I have still been caring for the trees that I have but I haven't planted any new seeds. I saw Blaze twice since the call that night because he was trying to convince me not to shut down. He promised he would keep me out of it but sometimes it's out of our control and things happen. He could never have predicted that Lucas would have been an informant for Hugo so for that reason I don't blame him. He tried his best but in the end the truth will always come out and that is a chance I'm not willing to take. 

Abe and I still text like normal even after the sex he didnt make it awkard and for that I'm relieved because that would have just been one more thing for me to worry about. I'm glad he gets the no strings attached deal or should I say friends with benefits. The sex was amazing but I still don't want anything more. My life is sad and complicated as it is, I don't want to add to it with a new relationship. We see each other from time to time because of Jase but it's like it normally is that we barely talk and we are civilized only in person on text we talk a lot. I can't tell him how I'm really feeling and why because then he will find out that I was selling weed and that Lady Dee is actually named after me because it's my special strain of weed so I have to pretend like I'm okay. Abe is a nice guy and his actually very sweet but he's just not what I want in a partner. I feel like I had everything with Jase and now it's gone. Jase is everything I want in a partner we just kind of somehow strayed from what's important and fucked up the marriage. I miss him but not being with him anymore is good for me. I need to feel what it is to be my own person. I need to figure out what I'm doing with my life and until then I can't add any extras. My writing stopped. I have a block on my creativity that I wish I could shake so I can finish my book but I can't. I stare at my laptop screen sometimes for about an hour without having written two words then I just give up. Crying is not an option for me because somewhere along the lines I need to get that backbone. No amount of sulking is gonna give me the answers I need. I just have to figure things out for myself.

Saturday evening and as usual I'm sitting in one of the camping chairs smoking some of my "Lady Dee" . It really does pack a punch. I'm half a joint in and feeling really good. My body is relaxed. I have cleared my head of all thoughts negative or positive. I just need to switch off and the kids are with Jase this weekend so I had some time to reflect today. I'm still not sure what I'm doing with my life. I just know I still have time to decide so I'm gonna stop and switch off for a while. Who knows, maybe if I hard reboot myself I'll know exactly what I'm doing. That's all I need for a hard reboot. The doorbell goes and my eyes snap open with shock because I was not expecting anyone. Nyla was already here today. She would have told me if she was coming back. I get up and make my way through the house to the front door. I open the door and its Blaze. 

"Hey" 

"Hey,  what are you doing here?" 

"Can we talk?" 

"Sure,  come on in" 

Blaze has this look of worry on his face or is it something else?

I lead him to the back where a dead half smoked joint is still waiting for me.