Death Never Scared Me

Chapter 5- Faun

I fall to my knees after they vanish. It worked. Gods, they're so much more beautiful than I ever imagined. The stories I had heard as a child painted them as a monster, but I saw no monster standing before me. Their long, black hair flowed around them as if a breeze was blowing in the room. I took note of their long horns and giant bat wings that stretched almost the length of the room. Any other person might have found them frightening, but they were perfect to me.

I spend the next hour pacing the altar room. I have to see them again. I know they told me not to, but I need to summon them again. Maybe I can bring them into the mortal world for real and not just as a vision. That would take much stronger offerings. It doesn't matter. I will do whatever it takes to be with them.

The door to the altar room slams open. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Cassian demands.

Shit. I don't know if I'll be able to talk my way out of this one. "I'm sorry," I reply. "I just thought-"

He cuts me off. "I know you perform rituals, Faun. Don't try to give me some bullshit about how you were trying to get things ready for me," he snaps. Cassian sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

I try to argue with him. "Well why can't I perform rituals?" I ask. "If anything, I'm more connected to Damien than you are!"

"What do you mean by that?" He glares at me and waits for my response.

I hold my chin up high. "I have spoken to Damien."

"Faun," Cassian sighs. "You performed a summoning ritual? That is highly forbidden! Why the hell would you do something like that?"

"I'm meant for them!" I argue. "They listened to me when I wanted my father dead. I know they care about me. That's why I had to break through to them."

"Didn't anyone tell you the tale of Arioch?" he demands. "Don't you know why all the summoning rituals were changed?"

I fall silent for a moment. The summoning rituals were changed? That must be why my spells were weak. That explains everything. I need to find the original rituals, then maybe I can bring them into this world.

"I know the tale of Arioch," I growl. "But-"

Cassian cuts me off again. "So you know how dangerous Damien can be? Damien is not a god to be trusted, you should know this."

"Well, maybe they're not like that!" I shout in reply. "Maybe they're not the monster the stories make them out to be."

"How would you know that?"

"I just know!" I scream in anger. "I can feel it in my gut."

Cassian sighs. "Just get out," he snaps. "Don't come back here ever again, Faun," he demands.

"Fine," I grumble and waltz out the room. I'll make my own altar. I don't need Cassian, I'm strong enough to do this myself.

I push the doors open and storm out of the temple. I spend the entire walk back to my cottage muttering to myself. I'll show him. Cassian doesn't know how devoted I am to Damien. I would do anything for them. I have to show Damien how far I'll go for them. I just want to be with them, I don't want anything else.

It hits me. I'm in love with a god. Like, truly in love with them. I can't see myself with anyone else. I'm meant for them and only them. I have to fully summon Damien, I need to let them know that I am the only one for them.

Back at my cottage, I begin to create a makeshift altar. I throw things out of the way in anger in order to clear the space in front of my fireplace. I grab some candles and light them with a splint. I place a small, silver mirror on the floor, facing me. I rummage through my kitchen cupboards, desperately searching for something to use for a ritual. Nothing. I huff and put my cloak back on and storm out of the house.

I head to the market. There, I find some pomegranates, but that's it. I need more than that. After the market, I head to Aether's cottage and buy some flowers off of him. I don't tell him that Cassian kicked me out of the temple. I can't let anyone know what I've done. People already are hesitant to trust anyone who associates with Damien. If anyone finds out I summoned the God of Death, I would be cast out of Elder. They'd paint me like Arioch.

I grew up hearing the story of Arioch. He was the youngest of the First Priests and had gotten his vision from Damien. The story says he gained Damien's trust after being exiled and learned horrible spells from the god. They say that Damien aided him in summoning an army of corpses and destroying the kingdom. That's why everyone is so hesitant to trust Damien. As children, we were told they were not to be trusted and that anyone working in the temple could very well fall down the same slope as Arioch.

I'm not like that. I don't need Damien for their spells. I need them because they complete me. I don't desire power, I desire love. I would give up everything for them. I don't care that they are not trusted. I know deep down that they are not what they are made out to be. They can't be the vile creature the stories say they are. The god that stood before me may have looked intimidating, but I could see right through them. They care about me. I know they do. Damien may not see it yet, but they need me.

I get back to my cottage and finish setting up the altar. I take a deep breath and begin to meditate. I can do this. I am strong. I am devoted. I can summon them. I light a stick of incense using one of the candles and then close my eyes. I focus on my breathing and make sure my mind is clear. I peek one of my eyes open. Nothing. I continue to meditate for a few more minutes. Still nothing. Shit. I thought I could break through.

I must be missing something. Think, Faun, what did you have last time that you don't have this time? The rainwater. That's it. I used that both times and was able to break through. How could I forget it? Gods, I hope I still have a vial left. I stand up and rush to my bedroom and throw everything aside as I search for some rainwater. I find a vial that had fallen under my bed and I snatch it up. This has to work.

I place the vial on my altar and begin the ritual over again. Again, nothing happens. What the hell? This worked before, why isn't it working now? I had to go bigger. I know what I have to do. It can't be found in any ritual books, but I know it will work.

I had to perform the forbidden ritual of human sacrifice.