The Hollow

Chapter 13: Restless

November 13th: 11:56pm

Jonah led Zander upstairs and laid with him in his bed. It was quiet and would have been relaxing with the lights off and the soft murmur of the TV echoing up the stairs but Jonah's mind wouldn't stop racing. Pushing away all the possible outcomes that could have happened tonight, he searched for the words that would make Zander better. There truly weren't any but Jonah had to try.

"You know you didn't kill that man, right?" Jonah started softly.

"I shot him," Zander mumbled, his face buried in the blanket.

"Yes, but I killed him. He would have lived. I could have got Fred and he could have fixed him. He would have been fine if he hadn't met me," Jonah stressed, praying he could get it through to Zander.

"I wish I had killed him," Zander whispered so quietly Jonah barely heard him.

"No, you don't. I was 17 the first time I took someone's life. I've been haunted ever since," He tried to reason with him.

Jonah had been working as a Vampire when it happened, shadowing Vlad during an event. An Outsider got the bright idea to try to rob Salem, thought it would be easy because she seems like a frail woman. He happened to be at The Apothecary when it happened, the man hadn't seen Jonah until it was too late and Jonah already had him on the ground. He had to call his Father in because the man had broken Salem's arm. Edric had been furious, the Outsider had a reputation for being a junkie and Edric had been lenient with the man's debt. Edric decided that this betrayal was unforgivable and that Jonah was old enough to handle it. The man was placed on his knees and Edric presented Jonah with a new gun.

"That's when you were sick?" Zander broke through Jonah's memories.

His mother had told Zander Jonah had the flu. After firing the gun, Jonah couldn't stop staring at the man, not even aware that he had fallen to his knees until his Dad pulled him back up. Edric sent him home, Jonah trying to give the gun back but Edric insisting that it was his now. He still didn't remember walking home, just his mom opening the door and collapsing into her. He didn't leave his bed for three days, except to throw up. He didn't sleep, everytime he closed his eyes all he could see was the man laying in a pool of blood.

"Yes. This night is going to stay with you, but it will be nothing compared to that because he would have lived, Zander. You need to understand that. I killed him and I carry that mark," Jonah was trying to keep his voice steady but it wavered.

"How do you hold it all on your own?" Zander whispered after a moment of silence.

"By the time you understand, you'll be the one carrying it," he told him.

"I love you," Zander muttered, Jonah couldn't remember the last time they had actually said that to each other.

"I love you too, little prince," Jonah whispered, vowing to say it more.

Zander cuddled into his side and Jonah ran his fingers through his hair the way their mom always used to. He started humming the lullaby she used to sing them as babies or when they were upset or sick. Holding his brother he wondered if this is how his mom had felt when she lay in his hospital bed after Molly set him up or while he was paralyzed with shock after taking his first life, fear of this little boy's future, pain for what he had to go through, worry for what he might yet go through. He never wanted to let anyone near Zander again, wanted to lock him up so the outside world couldn't touch him.

He could feel Zander getting heavier on his chest and he waited a few more minutes before sliding out from under him and going downstairs. He was afraid to wake him and thankful that Zander had managed to sleep at all. Joining Larry and Murphy at his kitchen table, Jonah ran his hand down his face and tried not to scream. Hearing the clink of glass in front of him he didn't even open his eyes as he grabbed the shot and emptied it.