Bent Bunny Ears {5SOS}

Two

"I don't want to fucking talk right now! God, stop annoying me!"

Anne stumbled back just before the door was slammed on her, Ashton quickly locking it as he lost his fight of keeping his tears back. He covered his mouth, silencing himself in his tears as he took a few steps before dropping to the floor to his knees. He could hear his mom trying to reassure his brother and sister, his guilt pushing a harsher surge of tears to flood down his face.

He hated this, knowing she only meant the best when she kept poking and prodding at him about how he was doing in school and why he was acting so different. It was so hard to look at her and not tell her the truth, to stop himself from wanting to break down and cry out about how much he had let himself go through and why he couldn't be the same child he was.

He couldn't-couldn't become a burden though it felt like this new approach of screaming and fighting with her wasn't any better than just saying what had happened almost six months ago, for nearly two years. He wished he had told her the second he came home, when she asked why he was out so late instead of snapping at her that he could do what he wanted and running to his room;placing the first brick in a wall that had somehow been built into a fortress.

He should've told her, should've said exactly what Michael had done to him, the months it took to wear him down of his alarms about how Michael shouldn't act that way with a child to when he had Ashton convinced that he was mature enough to handle a relationship with him, the nearly two years he had let it go on. He wished he had told her about Michael's hands, about his lips, his body, how weak and disgusting he felt every time after Michael slept with him, how much he hated himself. He knew he shouldn't take it out on her when she had enough to deal with already, should be the perfect son he always was but he couldn't.

It was too hard to focus when all his thoughts when back to Michael one way or another;of the torture he endured and hell he didn't know he was in until after it felt like it was too late, or what seemed like a revenge and opportunity to dispel all this hate and rage built up in side that would never come to him to be. Every thought went back to the man that had destroyed him in a way he felt he'd never be repaired. He wanted Michael dead, to tear apart the pieces he had put into him and cut them out with a knife then turn the blade on the man.

How could he tell his mother that?

How could he look her in the eyes and tell her how he wasn't that little boy she raised, that the only reason he was acting out this way and pushing her away is because he couldn't bear the thought of letting her know how he had been violated and let his guard down to a predator he thought loved and cared for him?

He couldn't, could barely think of trying to tell her without throwing up, so terrified that she might see him differently and then everyone would know. He was a victim but he couldn't bear thinking that she would blame him, that Calum wouldn't trust him anymore, that everyone he loved would think of the worst. He couldn't tell her why he was covered in cuts and bruises, why stood in the shower in scalding hot water and let himself get sick off of it because he just wanted to rid himself of any part that was Michael.

It felt like all he had become was Michael's;the inescapable man held him caged in still even after he unstuck his teeth from Ashton's side.

It was sickening to function, to keep living but he couldn't die, couldn't leave when Michael was still breathing and able to take another victim. Ashton didn't even know what he'd do if he found out, how he'd be able to protect anyone when living was hard enough to where he forced himself to keep going for others or else he would've been gone already. His mom, his siblings, Calum. It was all he had as a life line, telling any of them the truth would cut it completely and Ashton would have to fall into his death from barely clinging to living.

He blamed Michael for this, for feeling so helpless and alone, so angry and hateful towards everything, so confused and hurt and disgusted and dirty and embarrassed and alone and worthless-fuck, it felt like he couldn't describe how felt in a million words and it was all Michael's fault. He did this to him, broke him down into this fracture that Ashton didn't even know what it was. It was torture, sick and twisted and tiring and it took everything from Ashton while he silently suffered.

Michael kept on with his life, still the pervert he was and Ashton couldn't help but blame himself because Michael was still at his school. He could barely look at himself in the mirror, could barely stand the feeling of his own flesh and Michael got up everyday to live a life Ashton could only wish to take away from him.

He shivered as he looked up at his window, Calum smiling through the crack in his blinds. He sighed, getting up quietly and moving to open the window where the boy sat on the roof of the patio, letting him inside as he sniffled and blinked back another swell of tears as he moved to sit beside the other teen.

"I missed you today. You haven't called or texted me back and I got worried."

He looked down, knowing his mom had called Calum for this as he shrugged and messed with his hair, "Yeah, uh, sorry. Just been busy. I'm fine though. You didn't have to come over just for that, Cal."

He messed with his sleeves despite Calum already knowing about the deep and shallow cuts across his arm, the brunet frowning softly before he spoke up as he looked to the floor to keep from making his best friend uncomfortable.

"Yeah, I wanted to though. My mom said I can sleepover, if you want. I just wanna be here with you tonight."

Ashton only nodded, too afraid to speak with feeling the lump in his throat and the burning of tears held back in his eyes as he moved to lay back in his bed. Calum smiled, taking his shoes off and moving to shut the window properly before moving to the bed as well. He let Calum hold around his torso, arms loosely laid around his neck where the boy's head was against his chest. He hummed when Calum said his name, staring at his roof distracted as he focused on just trying not to start crying with the brunet.

"I love you, Ash."

"I...I love you too, Cal."

He swore when his voice cracked, glad the brunet didn't acknowledge it as he simply pushed in closer to his best friend. Ashton blew out softly, finally feeling a little bit of edge melt off with the warmth from Calum so close against him as he shut his eyes but had no plans to sleep.
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AN: a deep chapter, more into Ashton and the relationships he has now with his family, Calum and self. I really hope you enjoyed it and are being cautious as you read. Your health and state about reading heavy topics like this is more important than anything, so please be aware and careful for yourself.

Ty for reading though. I really appreciate it and I hope you're connecting to the story so far.

Love you, :)

<3 ....